So. Eventually, a month late , I made it to England. I was lucky, the strike that week was on Thursday and despite the previous Manchester flight having been cancelled because of, well you guessed it, a strike, the plane was still only two thirds full. I'd spent the last couple of days staying with sophy after taking one of the scariest ferry journeys ever to Athens from Paros. I was on what seemed to be the only passenger ferry on the Aegean due to the very very strong winds that Monday morning. While the boat was still at the port in Parikai it was so windy it was impossible to stand on the deck without holding tight to the pergola supports. Luckily I'd had time to buy seasickness pills, or vomitstop as the they were succinctly called in Greek and so by the time we reached Athens i was quite happy to sit in Ppireaus for an hour or two, nursing a beer or three. After meeting Sophy (and Gianni), yes back together again, the planned outing to see Alice in Chunderland was postponed in favour of dinner at O'Reileys, O Malleys, or something like that, in Monastiraki. I was sceptical to say the least , but will now freely admit it was one of the best meals I had had in ages. Mind you, the first fish and chips in 5 years , 2 days before i left for England might not have been the wisest of choices. Neither were the 2 pints of Guiness that cost almost as much as the flight itself. The next day I spent wandering around tring to find a present for my brother's kids before eventually setting on Easter eggs. Yup cop out but.... Then I picked Sophy up and we stood for an hour in the freezing cold , making ourselves sick on sweeties we'ed planned to eat while watching Alice, but instead doing them all in , in the cinema queue. The film was bollocks. Hence the earlier comment. If anyone could make a film of Alice in Wonderland , then surely it would be Tim Burton. Well not on that eveidence. It might have been easier in 2D, but by the end I was praying for it to finish , my eyes were hurting, I was bored stiff and I'd run out of vile sugary treats. And popcorn, as the little kid next to Sophy had seen to our skip sized packet with one carefully aimed kick. The next morning it was off to the airport and my first experience of the no liquids , shoes off, and super security version of air travel. Being Athens though afer a quick swip with a metal detecting wand it was off to the departure lounge. Luckily for the other passengers the shoes didn't have to come off.. And then, one bloody mary, 2 rip off scratchcards and four hours of being grinned at by tango people i was back on Mancunian soil. With a banging headache and no idea of how to get to Chorlton, or even after 30 minutes of wandering , where i could sit and have a beer while collecting my thoughts and more impotantly , letting the Nurofen kick in.
A website that doesn't do what it says on the tin, and phone numbers that are never answered, and possibly even more annoyingly being played flying themed songs over and over again while on hold. Once upon a time I actually liked Nelly Furtado. No longer. And as for "I believe I can fly" by R Kelly, well that really is adding insult to injury.
It was good escaping from the rock for a few days however, especially as I realised I hadn't been in a city for more than two years. Athens was fun, and as deliciously bonkers as ever. Sophy , French Gail, and I ate in a restaurant called "The Butcher's Shop", or something like that, which had my favourite menu of the year so far. No spelling mistakes but lots of very strange menu items like "Pork Neck, boiled ankles, and American Cow College Milk.
The waitress didn't seem to find the menu as funny as us though and glared at us for the duration until a new waiter took over. He seemed to quite like us as he kept bringing over free drinks, shots of, well. weried tasting things, that needless to say Sophy and I drank before insisting on walking Gail to her hotel, and thoroughly embarrasing her in the process. " Get out of the way, she 's pregnant, Preganant lady coming through",etc etc..
Anyway the next day I was stumbling bleary eyed through Monastiraki when I discovered a text from Easyjet ttelling me the flight had been cancelled, and from that moment on, I spent hours on hold and in internet cafes trying to get the flight changed. Eventually, this monday, ie 6 days later, someone from Easyjet finally called me back to re-arrage the flights. I'm now going in March, as the next available outbound flight left shortly after the original return flight had landed.
So now I'm back on Paros, trying to re-save the money I spent while in Athens.
Today is supposed to be the day that Mr Murray Mint signs the papers to take over Addle's bar. This however is starting to look a little unlikely as he seems to want his license before he hands over the money. Unfortunately that's not the way things works here and so I get the feeling poor Addle isn't going to get the quick escape she has been looking forward to. On the plus side it does mean that we will continue to have somewhere to hang out, as I really can't see myself going in there when Mr Mint takes over and sticks up his plasma screens, serves G&Ts in tumblers and puts the prices up , all the while boring evryone shitless with his inane ramblings about organising concerts by U2. On Paros. Yes, Murray, that's really going to happen isn't it.
A couple of weeks ago Bruce had a party and despite Gail's best attempt at killing us on the road up by the marble mines ("Oh I did that wrong", as we veared wildly round a sharp bend,) Susan , gail, me and a new Guy called Nikos, dutifully attended. I knew it was a mistake as soon as i got through the front door and was faced with the contents of Remezzo on a bad day. Donkey John, (of whom, more later), Patrick, the witches etc etc , all were to be found sitting around the kitchen table. As was Addle, who Susan commented already had her half way pissed face on by 3 in the afternoon. The afternoon was okay, as long as you stayed out of the way of the Donkey who was apparently annoying everyone enormously, but the most fun was had when Addle, after downing several buckets of wine suddenly started screeching about shitty knickers and ambulances, car accidents, being "fucking knocked over" and not giving a shit about "fucking clean bloody Knickers when you've been knocked over, cos you'll fucking shit yourself anyway so who gives a shit about whether you've got fucking clean knickers on". For us it was just another drunken Addle rant but there were an awful lot of people who'd never experienced the Ferangi faced one in full flow. And boy did they looks surprised. Even better though was when she got a lift home with Gillian and Bambos. Surprisingly she managed to get to their car without falling down, but once inside and en-route she'd recovered her composure enough to scream that "we're all going to fucking die, slow down we're going to fucking die" all the way home. Gillian had offerred to pay me to gp back in the car with them but no way was I getting in acar with Addle in screech mode. And I guess I was proved right.
So, back to donkey John then. Last year in memory of Penny, the Remezzo customers started a darts championship. However as no-one for a variety of reasons drinks in there, last years winner, and Penny's two daughters decided to hold this years competition in Karls. Not happy was our Donkey and before you knew it a vicious email war was being held between Leah and the Donkey. Now it seems there will be two championships, the one with last years winner and the support of leah and Mandy, and most importantly the cup itself, at Karls, and a second one at Remezzo with , well, er......
That's all I can think of for now, except that I'm going to England next week. And I'd really rather not be doing.
Obviously I never got round to writing about whatever had happened in between the last two entries but I am going to try and be better from now on. But then I've said that before. Maybe I should start collating all the facebook status updates. I'm actually even going to have to leave it here for now because the bar is like an August evening. Except that everyone is wearing a coat, there's big great patio lamp thingie blowing out fumes and the outside area is is enclosed by MDF walls adorned with what could best be described as a depressed teenagers lower level GCSE art exhibition. Hmmm, well maybe not. The artwork is far worse than that.
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It's now January 4 and the new year is limpimg in. There aren't even any cars pasing by outside, and there is , for pretty much the first time this winter, a bit of a nip in the air. Xmas was a pretty non descript kind of time. It was probably the quietest one I've spent here. Quiet that is if you don't count the volume of Mad Vasillis's icreasingly demented laugh.
Incidentally, as I have been going on about him on facebook a friend has demanded a video. I got one, actually three, yesterday while he was having a conversation with someone on Naxos. Without a telephone. As soon as I get around to uploading it to Youtube I'll ammend this entry and put a link here.....
New Years Eve was a dullish affair, with most of us breathing a sigh of relief at twelve, that at last we could leave. A few people did, but not the French girl who had been bothering me all evening. Every time I looked up there she was , staring, every time I went outside , where was she..... yup outside too. Everytime I went back in ,,, well you can guess the rest. Eventually I lost the plot and ended up throwing the biggest tantrum since, well for A VERY LONG TIME.
Then I came to pebbles, went to the Maraicaibo (now known as AEEOW, or something that sounds like someone just dropped a piano on your foot), and then home.
Right I'm posting this before I forget again. And before Mad Vasillis comes in.
So what to tell.....
Well nothing really as we are now heading deep into the depths of winter. Pretty much everyone who is going has gone , although in the next month or so we will wave goodbye to Bo, Karen and Mandy too.
At least by the time the rest of my friends start flying away on their holidays , some others should have started to return.
Bo and Harry have gone to Istanbull this weekend, Marta and Nicholas next week, Jay and Marina are off on their travels in a weeks time, and Steve and Irmi are still planning a trip down under in the New Year. Me? Well I'll maybe get a weekend in Athens if I'm lucky . And a week in England if I'm not.
I went to the hospital this morning to give blood and was told that I can't because I lived in England between 1980 and 1996 and therefore have Mad Cow disease. Ah well, I wasn't exactly enthusiastically looking forward to spending half an hour sitting in a corridor with blood pumping out of my arm. I'll keep my blood to myself thank you very much.
I did have to snigger at Lisa though. Out of the five people that tried to donate, she was the only one who managed it, Jay and Marina, being disqualified for the same reason as me, and kostas because he took one look at the process and retired to sit in a corner looking faintly sick.
The shed is back up , surrounding the outside balcony in all it's chipboard glory just as the sun came back out and the wind dropped to virtually nothing. It's strange to sit here and look at it already, because it feels as it it has always been there, and it's been a mere 3 days so far. Two if I count Friday when Dimitris was putting the final pieces in place , and promptly broke the big pane of glass above the entrance, in effect creating a makeshift glass guillotine. On Friday 13th.
Luckily nothing happened.
I'll try and fill in the gaps between this post and the last over the days as there's six whole weeks of my wibblings to try and catch up upon. For now that's it as I go home to watch Tv and eat myself silly while drinking stupid amounts of fizzy water....
See, water. Not blood drained from Mad Cows. Water.
We had fun though, a visit to the most bonkers museum I have ever been too -The Skorpios Museum of Big Minitures in Aliki, a wander round Antiparos in the rain, and several days lounging in the sun.
This week was also when we received the extremely sad news about Johnny, who I last saw DJ-ing at Christo's wedding. He had a heart attack Sunday and died at the age of, well I'm not sure but I don't think he was much older than me.
R.I.P. Johnny.
I'm supposed to be getting a few more days off next week , but as ever , we will see if that actually happens.........
"he left"
"What do you mean left? Left for where?''
"Um home I guess"
Cue stomping arm waving and a barage of unintelligable toots gurgles and whistles.
The rest of the bar meanwhile started laughing which got her even angrier and so she stomped off up the steps to the castle waving her arms like a broken gallic windmill and making a noise like I imagine a squeaky toy would if you put it on a bonfire.
As I have one day left of working in the internet cafe before the holiday proper starts I will continue this tomorrow evening.
Today is Christo's wedding which would normally be a good thing. The problem is that after months of organisation, planning, etc, the one thing they didn't think about was the weather. It's been pissing it down for two days and the forcast is for more. Which half way up a mountain on Antiparos at dusk may not be the idyllic ceromony they had planned. The party later is on the beach, which again might be a little different from the original idea.
The last wedding I went to was a couple of weeks ago when Nikos and Melanie tied the knot in the little church opposite from Levantis. Boiling hot but good fun, especially when Sara's dog ran in the church and tried to nip the ankes of the priest in the middle of the rice throwing part of the ceremony. That party was in the afternoon at the Taverna in the campsite at Agia Irini. That sounds a bit odd but it wasn't. It was the perfect setting for a perfect afternoon. Too much food, too much drink and home before the sun went down. I even managed to get in a quick swim too. This wedding I actually prepared for . I charged the camera battery three days earlier so as not to do my usual wedding thing where I take 3 pictures and the camera dies. The only problem was that I forgot to put it back in the camera after charging it. Doh!
Maybe today I'll get struck by lightning and that will be the reson for fucking up todays set of wedding pictures. We will see but the track record is not exactly encouraging.
Howdi doodi just popped back in to wish everyone peace and love again. Yeah right , fuck off you cretinous casuality.
Saturday was when our own little version of Sasoom the donkey fronm "the Arabian Nights/Banana Splits" arrived and since then the vodka stocks on the island have become severely depleted. Saturday afternoon she spent at Pete and Karen's restaurant at Parasporos before goading a hornet into stinging her. A visit to the hospital followed and she was put on a drip. But this was probably more for reasons of re-hydration than medical necessity, and eventually they let her go, just in time to get her back in the plans we had to go out on a boat and watch the fireworks from a "look at us , aren't we rich and clever" viewpoint approximately 10 metres offshore.
But i'm getting too far ahead . First we had to find somewhere to pick her up, and of course she went to the wrong jetty, blaming the mistake upon the contents of her saline drip. Eventually she stumbled along the jetty we'd pulled up alongside, and Bruce summoned her aboard. "Can you just get your fucking arse on here you stupid fucking cunt" he delicately enquired. Much to the consternation of the father with his little girl who were just trying to find a nice place to sit and watch the show. Luckily eventually we managed to persuade her to jump onto the boat and off we sped, finally parking up in front of Addles's bar where lots of ooohing , wowing and clapping went on for the next ten minutes or so. Then it was over for another year. The only thing I hate about fireworks is that they have to end.
So... back to tonight and the birthday party going on across the road, which I am shortly going to have to start getting pissed enough to join in with. A bottle of voddy should do that. Or maybe a bottle and a half if Karens god awful music doesn't improve. So far it's been like a collection of songs I used to tape off the radio when I was 14 and hadn't even started wasting my pennies on bits of round black vinyl that eventually all got thrown away as there was nowhere to store them. Actually come to think of it, I think most of my very early record collection is up in my mothers attic. If she hasn't thrown them away that is.
(Currently playing is Dolly Parton's Jolene, which I am pleased to say, I never even taped, although I have strange and disturbing memeories of a Strawberry Switchblade cover version which may or may not still be residing in a suitcase overlooking the edges of the lake district.)
I met him last week sometime along with a very nice man who works at some hotel somewhere who is from Canada. Anyway Mr Cockeralike has been popping into pebbles most afternoons like the very unwanted spectre of a bad dream gone seriously worse.
He doesn't even wibble. Words seem to spill out of his mouth like sloppy poo from a cows arse. There may be pauses but you know it's going on and on until eventually the smell is so bad you have to give up and just walk away.
Which I did last night at Cactus. I sat down , ordered a beer and then he came back from the toilet, sat next me and leaked unconnected words for 20 minutes or so. I got up and left after he asked Vanessa if her tits "really were padded out"
I don't remember what he said but I do remember my parting comment that I normally take my beer with a little sense. \ Now though the problem is that I'm a little scared to go and have my normal last drink in case he is lurking there. Ah well, don't really give a fuck. At least he didn't come to Pebbles this afternoon and dribble on for two hours while only having 2 beers.
Last week joanna arrived and after not seeing her for the first couple of days she appeared in Addle's just as i was about to leave. Cutting a long story short I was observed by Nina the cleaner cycling home at 7 am, giving me a big 3 hours sleep.
I got woken up at 10.38 by Marta asking where I was. Oops.
Then after the internet cafe I spent all day in Pebbles getting increasingly infuriated by the relentless barrage of idiots wobbling by, plastic croissant, not in fat gob only long enough to ask moronic question. And then who shuffles in but the ghost of someone not previously very alive. Yup you guessed it , the Cockeralike. Hence the sheer intolerance. Oh did i mention he wibbles shite like a very pregnant cat shits kittens. Just when you think it's over, out pops another. Pearl of not wisdom that is.
Tonight was Pervy Steves 60 birthday party. I went. Enough said.
Ok what else. Well I seem to have upset Pete again by talking about how everyone is talking about how his place has too small portions and too expensive prices. I don't like that it seems to have driven a wedge between us, but then I am not the right person to ask if you don't want an honest opinion when asked for exactly that and nothing less. Maybe though from now on I will just try and keep my fucking big gob shut.
Tacky Taki, the very gay old waiter in Pebbles it seems has finally pissed everyone else off enough that now they are all openly laughing at him. Which is a bit cruel. Justified maybe , but cruel nontheless. The night he turned up in a pair of shorts that he would have looked stupid in if he was 30 years younger, to work at night was, I think, the beginnining of the Greeks realisation that he wasn't exactly what he had portrayed himself as. For me it was the lemon yellow pantsuit with the white belt. So not a good look. Unless you are a screaming queen fast approaching free bus pass age. And no. Not even then.
It's been a very pleasant weekend, the first in a month when I've had the whole of my day off to myself. First there was Maxine followed by Nikos. Then Ben arrived and then last week Sophy was here. All very welcome (even Ben, finally), but it's just nice to be able to do what I want to do without thinbking of anyone else for a change.
It does mean I've got bugger all to write about here though.
Oh except about Bo's birthday last Friday which was very nice too.
Back to Ben, who left last Friday..... He improved as the week went on , not requiring my nursemaiding skills quite so much, but still seven hours a day was just a bit too much for me and I wasn't sorry to see him leave. I did feel a bit guilty afterwards but only for a while. And only a bit.
Weekend over and time for some well earned rest after having to work because Dimitris had his family here. Or so I thought. But no because then Sophy arrived, and then it was time for the big birthday bash.
The thing is , i don't remember all that much about the party due to some rather special biscuits Jack had made. I do remember being unable to stop giggling all night though so obviously they worked. The photographic evidence is on facebook. Oh and giddy was especially giddy that night.
Last night we went round for a kind of pt 2, but by the time I got there the Nashes had left because Bruce had invited them up to Lefkes for dinner. So Irmi, Sophy , Steve, Giddy, Harry and I finished off most of the leftovers, cleaned up and they all went out while I managed to escape and get some well needed sleep.
Before we left though , I decided it would be a good idea to put plastic beakers of water on top of the bathroom door as a little welcome home present. Steve took the idea and walked with it apparently, as Sophy and Giddy got home later that night and got pelted with eggs that he'd put on top of all the doors. I hear it took hours to clean up. Ho ho ho ho! Needless to say I got the initial blame, but I soon dobbed him in. I was very jealous, and now have a new standard to beat. Shouldn't think that will take long..........
Lady Frightwig is going to be 50 this week and aleady having got everything it's possible to want, (except maybe some anti-frizz cream), we opted to make her a series of photographs and a video for her birthday. Steve however had his willy out in all the pictures. He thought it was funny at the time but has now changed his mind and so we are going to have to airbrush it out. Or turn it green..Or dangle a bell off the end. Or something.
Also this week, Ben arrived and has proved to be every bit as much of nightmare as he wasn't when he came with his wife. Who is now divorcing him. And I can clearly understand why. I've now got to point where I can't even stand his laugh. Which now I write that, I vaguely remember finding extremely annoying all those years ago when I worked at Divorce Magazine. Hmmm , the irony. The man is incapable of entertaining himself, yesterday he sat all morning in the internet cafe wibbling on about "this bird, that bird , the other bird" while giggling stupidly to himself. Then followed me to Pebbles where he sat doing exactly the same thing for another three hours. I was so sick of him I even cleaned the fridge to get some respite from his inane witterings.
There are ten photos on the wall. They are crap. Entirely without any artistic merit. Not even well framed. Crap. Shit. Bollocks. But that is because apparently I have a strange English type of humour. Which cant see why a photo of a road with a superimposed cartoon bubble reading "kostas?" is either surreal or remotely amusing. The others are even worse.
Anyway. No news this week so I thought I'd just bitch about the customers.
Shortly after posting last weeks random rants I went to the cinema with Gail to see Star Trek in what was virtually a private showing as there only two other people in the whole cinema and I have a sneaking suspicion they were the guy selling overpriced tins of beer and his girlfriend. Loved the film, even though I'd already watched a downloaded version, not least because this one was a version without everyone's heads cut off. Oh and it had the ending intact too.
Then we went back to Addle's bar reasoning that Addle, who had been screaming innanities while completely off her head 2 1/2 hours earlier would have by that time stumbled off home to shout at the walls or acuse the ornaments of having a go at her. But no. There she was.In body if not in mind. Gail and I stood on the street while she politely asked "What the fuck are you fucking looking at you pair of fucking cunts? fuck cunt fuck fuck fuck".
The people on the tabble opposite drew in over beers and huddled closer trying not to attract her attention while Gail and I decided that in this case abstention was definately the best policy and left, walking along the seafront as the deluge of fucks and cunts gradually faded into the distance. Thursday night she did the same again. After a pleasant evening sitting watching the tourist walk past (and no I didn't miss the 's' off that word), I saw the change approaching and got up to leave just as Jess (an ex Amereican student) and her friend came along. They bought me a beer and against my better judgement sat back down. I should have known better as by this point Addles transformation was well underway and she was definately more in the dusk than dawn stage. The inevitable happened.
"Why the fuck are you talking about me like that you fucking cunt?" she screamed as I asked Jess which beach she had been to that day.
Her brow thickened and the torrent of fucks and cunts got into full flow as the two Americans examined the surface of the table intently.
"you fucking bastard, she started to scream.
I got up, put my beer, undrunk on the table, left and haven't seen her since.
The next day Maxine arrived along with Ellie and her little baby girl, who has been a godsend as she has meant that Maxine has had to go home relatively early because they've only got one key for the room. Well that's the theory. She still arrived home at 8.30 on Sunday morning with a scabby knee. Cue many sniggers "And you know what? Suddenly I just found meself on me knees" Well that's it for this week, but as the Nashes arrived 45 minutes ago I'm sure next week there will be many tales to tell. Plus there are another 4 days left of Maxine's holiday.
And speaking of ungrateful, I think I've upset Irmy and Steve, who got me a knife and a purple plastic chopping board for a present. "Oh, a knife. Erm thanks". I exclaimed, non too excitedly. "Then this must be a chopping board". "Thanks, just what I've always wanted". Well we know you like to cook" said Irmy. "No, no, it's lovely" I furiously backpedalled. But it was too late. They had realised I wasn't overly taken with my new purple kitchen accessory. Plus , it's a fucking chopping board. How can anyone seriously describe a chopping board as lovely and hope to get away with it?.
Pete, on the other hand , got me a brilliant T-shirt, which he had seen in London , and bought months ago.
After I finished work, we sat in Pebbles for a while, which no doubt pleases Dimitris no end, as finally he had more than three people in his bar for the first time since , well, probably Christmas. Later Remezzo and the Adele's, where apparently after being challenged by Giani to get my dick out, I did.
The hangover lasted two days.
The island is still very quiet though, and I still don't know whether I'm working at Kialoa again which means that despite all I said at the end of last summer I might have to accept the offer of work in Alga again. And I don't want to, because I don't want to be stuck there until stupid -o- clock, even if it is only for one day a week.
Maureen and Andy are here, but as they are staying in Aliki, I've hardly seen them. Can't say that I fault their reasoning though as the traffic is incredible here this year and who comes on holiday to be choked by car fumes all day day and night while sitting admiring the view from the middle of a carpark. Alternatively known as the beachfront road in Parikia.
Right, I'm off home to rub some cream into my tomato face.
Well clearly i can't now remember much about Christmas, as it was nearly a month ago, and New Year getting on for three weeks ago also presents itsself in my mind as something of a smudged blur.Tis the season to be jolly.................. Now that all the Christmas bollocks is over and done with.
It was an okay kind of time this year, nothing special, but nothing so bad that I couldn't wait for it all to be over. Lots of people stayed, and some even came visiting specially, but more on that later.
Christmas Eve was spent in Remezzo, where all sorts of silliness went on , including Harry and Liz doing a very strange dance which looked like she was trying to bum him while he rubbed his arse on her groin region like a bitch on heat. I willeventually get around to posting the video of that on facebookor even youtube, but as my laptop packed up on Christmas eve, that will have to wait until I get a new hard drive , or even better a brand new sparkly laptop.
Gail is in England at the mo and has offered, bag space allowing, to bring me one back. Fingers are firmly crossed on that one.
Xmas day, dinner was at Gail's house, and jolly nice it was too, even allowing for the moment Nasty Neil turned to face me with an open mouth full of regurgitated turkey and brussel sprouts, before running off into the street to give it a bit of festive re-decoration.
Unfortunately, I had to come to Pebbles shortly after that or I would have been treated to the sight of him trying to kiss Irmi, four pukes later.
Xmas night in here was chocka full of people escaping their families for bloody coffee.
It's Christmas for fucksake " I wanted to shout whilst brewing up the 367th fucking capaccinno.
Needless to say Mad Vasillis soon appeared, and sat annoying eveyone at the bar , talking shite, and banging his spoon on the bar each and every time the people he was shouting at, got upand walked away, prefering to sit in the furthest corners of the shed than listen to another of his semi-shouted innanities. This has been a recurring theme of the Xmas period. Nice people sit down. Mad Vasillis arrives. Nice people leave. Vasilliss starts banging things.
Two days later, Pete and Danni came to stay for a week. Unfortunatly so did the bad weather and their entire six days here we spent sheltering from hurricane strength winds and torrential rain. Of course the day they left,the sun came out and the sea was as flat as one of Vasillis' "jokes".
And that's the end of Xmas on Paros part one.
Thursday evening, and only 27 hours to go until I get tortured by the dentist. Yes I finally plucked up the courage and got an appointment with Steve's dentist. The only problem is that he is in Naoussa and my appointment is at 9.30 am. Not a problem I thought. I'll just get the bus , and if I have to wait a bit then I'll just walk around and take a few pictures.
Wrong. The first bus is at 7.40 am and then there's nothing until 10. Sometimes Paros in the winter is a bit of a nightmare.
Of course I could always risk taking my bike, but there is a distinct possibility that even if I set off at the same time as the first bus , I still wouldn't arrive in time.yes, it's fucked agian , and so for the last few days I've taken the healthy option and cycled to work and back.
This of course would have nothing to do with the bastard police from Syros being here, and all to do with getting fit.
Nothing at all.
Obviously.
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It's now a week after I went to the dentist's.
Thankfully Steve and Irmi drove me there and back. And waited while I was gurgling blood all down the side of my gob. The big hole has just healed over. Argh. He had to pull out another tooth, but at least this time I knew it was going to happen, and a bridge is as I write, being prepared. Anyway I have Mad Vasillis here every afternoon , so not smiling and exposing the gap isn't too much of a problem.
The dentist seems great. Efficent, clean, up to date, and with lots of machines that go "ping" and flash lights. Always important the last two. I reckon I could even get into playing darts if the board flashed when you hit it.
Or at least said "ouch". Or "bastard".
The walling in of Pebbles has continued this week , and we now have three of Frederick's "paintings" on the wall. Two of them look alright after dark. The other one I actually quite like , but as the painter himself has disowned them as crap it took him half an hour to churn out, I doubt we will be having many visiting art collectors popping by for an afternoon espresso.
The strange thing about the outside shed, is that for the first time in known history, Dimitris has actually listened to what we all told him, and repainted the exterior wall to a fairly pleasant sand colour from the bloody ugly grey/ yellow he'd originally chosen. Maybe I'll get a pay rise next. Or last year's Christmas money. Or even a day off before 2009.
And maybe not.
Here's another version of Sunday with Adele as the first one seemed to have disappeared off into cyberspace and I'd already written this before I discovered the previous one.
Sunday I got woken from my dreams of strange men In silly hats murdering a piano by an early morning text from Adele inviting me for food and drinks later that day, The problem was that i was working so politely I declined. Three hours later i was still fending off text messages and so reluctantly I agreed to go round after work knowing full well what state everyone would be in.
I wasn't wrong.
Luckily, after several phone calls to get dierctions to Adeles house which involved empty spaces where the gypsies sell wood, (harrys' description), a shop called Vicko's (gail), and lots of rights when they should have been lefts , Irmi decided the best thing would be to come out and get me.
That's when she warned me that Adele was totally twatted and was taking offence at anything anyone said about anything. Or if no-one said anything at all.
She wasn't joking about the state of Adele. Within minutes of sitting down I was being handed plates of food, including freshly warmed up hamburger,( Well it would have been if the dopey cow had actually turned the grill on), and a salad whose main ingredient seemed to be shards of glass. (Here's one I broke earlier.)
After carefull picking out single shreds of cabbage and murmering appreciatively, I put the burger back on the, by now turned on, grill and put the plate with the glass salad back down on the table.
"What the fucks up with that you fucking cunt? I saved that for you all afternoon and now you just fucking put it back"
"Um it's cold Adele, that's why I've put it back on the grill"
"Well what's wrong with the fucking salad then? Or do you want that fucking burnt too?"
"Erm no, but it's got glass in it"
"No it fucking hasn't yer cheeky wee cunt"
"Erm yes it does, sorry but I saw it fly up when you dropped the glass"
"I didn't drop any fucking glass"
"Yes you did , that big wine goblet that Irmi just swept up"
A vague wave of recognition swept across her face, and then.
"Well there was no fucking glass in the fucking salad anyway you cunt"
"oh okay"
By this time my burger was getting warmish so i grabbed it back off the grill, pushed the salad aside, and grabbed a sausage, ate the non glass elements of my meal and swiped my last can of beer back from Harry who having taken advantage of the distraction was busily swigging it.
Adele then decided that we were all "so fucking hard", us lot and stomped off into the bedroom. Two minutes later she re-appeared, sat down next to the grill, and asked me if I'd like anything to eat "before this lot fucking eat the fucking lot, greedy cunts".
I told her I'd already eaten, and that it was lovely, "really really good , especially the burger, did you make them yourself?"
"Now you're just taking the piss you fucking cunt. You're all a set of fucking cunts. I'm off inside to watch the television. That's where I'll be if anyone needs me"
We kind of took that as our cue to leave and left her wobbling on the edge of her bed trying to focus on the TV, went outside and started cleaning up a bit. She came back out. We all thanked her proffusely and tidied up a bit.
Then we ran for our lives.
All in all a bit of a strange evening.
Yesterday at around 11am I recieved a text message. Obviously I ignored it, having been stuck in Pebbles until the early jours the night before listening to zombie supermarket "Jazz" until the early hours. - See below.
When I did finally manage to emerge from the duvet I read it , and it was an invitation to food and drinks at Adele's in the afternoon. Shame, I thought as I read it because I had to work. There then followed another ten or so exhorting me to go by later, something that I really didn't want to do as after a weekend of having my ears bent by torturous piano playing , I was realy only interested in going home and monging in front of the telly and eating crap.
Ah bollocks I thought. It's really nice of her to invite me so I'll go along after work.
8.15 and I'm wandering aong the back road looking for a shop called Vickos, because the house is behind there. Gail gives up directing me and says that Irmi will come out and look for me which she does.
Here is where the story starts though as it soon becomes obvious that Irmi is also outside to pre-warn me about the state of our host.
She's twatted, utterly fucking twatted. The kind of utterly fucking twatted when she thinks that anything anyone says about anthing is a direct attack on her.
Great I thought. Especially as I didn't want to go in the first place.
I walked in and sat down and it was clear that Irmi hadn't been exagerating. Within two minutes of me sitting at the table Adele had smashed a wine glass, shards of which went flying upwards and landed amongst other places in the salad bowl which she then dished out to me while she attempted to cook some sausages on a grill that was turnrd off.
Finally after about twenty minutes alongside tha glass salad i got served a mildly lukewarm burger complete with several mouthfulls of abuse. The woman is mad. I put the burger back on the grill which by this time was at least turned on and waited a while longer in which time Adele manged to cover the burger, sausages, grill and pretty much everything else in fine jets of wine flavoured spittle.
To cut a long story short, I ate the burger , figuring that the grill would have killed of the more unsavouray elements of it's special marinade, avoided the salad and swigged the beer I'd brought with me.
By this time Adele had decided that no-one was talking to her, and that we are all really "hard", and so she stomped off into the bedroom and sat trying to focus her eyes on the tv while wobbling precariously on the edge of her bed and shouting abuse out of the doorway.
We all took this as our cue to leave.
So that was dinner with Adele.
Serves me bloody right I guess. The very same afternoon I wrote about Mad Vasillis being still in stage one, he lumbered into the shop not once , not twice but four times in the course of the six hours I was there.
the second time was the worst.
It was a really nice afternoon, warm and sunny but it was impossible to sit outside as Mad Vasillis had chosen to show off his decidely un-adonis-like torso. Rolls of flab poured over his belt and his tits wobbled left and right like two soggy ciabatta rolls. To make things worse he kept trying to talk to the ever dwindling number of frankly horrified other customers despite papers and books being raised in front of their faces in a clear attempt to let him know they didn't want to be faced with a Greek equivalent of the michellin man.
Even the Brothers Grimn were pretending to read , and I'm pretty sure that at least one of them can't.
After about an hour of being ignored he re-clothed and left, just in time for ARSEnis to fragrantly waft in and talk animatedly to the geranaium in the corner. Cue the arrival of the mad American with the headphones. ARRRGGGGGHHHHH!
Winter is definately with us once again.
Oh, and as it's supposed to be getting colder , Dimitris has decided to wall in the balcony of Pebbles with vast MDF boards which makes sitting outside feel a little like sitting in an oversized, glass fronted, cheap coffin. Classy.
Okay okay , I know I've been lazy again.
But even though I'm sitting here typing away I can't think of a single memorable thing that has happened over the last couple of weeks. The summer is now well and truely over it seems. Except for the weather which is absolutely lovely at the moment. Monday to Friday anyway. At the weekends, ie. when I'm not working it clouds over and gets windy. Doh!
The one thing notable about this season is the ever increasing amount of nutters. I've already mentioned Troy, so there is no need to delve further into his wierd and wonderful world , at least for the time being, but the other new nutter is a big bearded American who wanders around with headphones clamped to his head in an attempt to block out the messages that are constantly being beamed in by the CIA. He also likes to wander up and down the street shouting to himself.
As winter is now approaching, as sure as the leaves turning red, Mad Vasillis has once again taken to coming into pebbles two or three times daily. Thankfully he is still in the stage where when he spots me he scowls, turns on heel and stomps off somewhere else. I know stage two where he sits and scowls at nothing in particular while i studiously ignore him and clean everything in sight, is only weeks away , but for the time being I'm grateful for stage one.
ARSEnis has also taken to wandering in from time to time, but his presence is these days announced by a foul smelling cloud of BO that preceeds his actual appearance by a good a minute or two. Not that I'm taking notes, but he seems to have been wearing the same pair of grimy piss stained jeans for at least three weeks now. Ugh!
Halloween on Friday and we have taken a joint decision to attend Karens party as ....... Karen. The sales of white mops in Atlantic are expected to soar.
Rightyho, time for another attempt, but if this one disappears into the ethere as well , I will be moving home.
As its now over two weeks since I came back from Santorini, I have forgotten most of the details of the end of that trip. The parts I wrote about in the mising entry anyway. I guess I am just left with the memeory of not being able to walk properly for a few days as a result of walking all the way from Pyrgos down to the port.
I didn't mean to , it was just that the bus didn't pass me until I was on the last twisty little bend so I kept on going, and boy did I know about it two days later when by the tops of my legs let me know just how much work they had done that afternoon.
It was back to work on the folowing Monday, and so as expected , the skies cleared , the sun came out, and summer came back to town. Until last Saturday when i had my first day of in two weeks and the sky once again turned black and ferries were cancelled due to high winds.
It was a good weekend though. For some time now I've been hearing stories about the new nutter in town... Troy. Until Saturday I had never had the misfortune to speak to him. Saturday afternoon all that changed, as after boring some random tourists sensless outside Remezzo he cam inside to sit with me , Ermy , Steve, Bruce Gail, Dan, etc.
From nowhere he told people that he was studying them , and could read people because he could see the truth and which of the ancient gods they are most influenced by. Adele is apparently a Hera, which not knowing much about mythology, she took as a complement, Hera being Queen of the Gods. Only afterwards was it explained that Hera was actually an evil jealous scheming bitch. To be fair, I'm not entirely sure how strong Troy's grasp of his subject matter is either, but Adele was also told that with her "it's all about the money" Hohoho.
Bruce wasn't assigned a God, but just told that he was lower form of existance because "he fucks men up the arse" and that is all there is to know about him. This went on for hours and got increasingly funny because every time Troy opened his mouth , another inanity came out of it and everyone sitting around laughed at him some more. Troy didn't mind that he was sitting in the middle of a group of ten or so people openly mocking his every word because he "knows the truth".
The funniest moment was when he started to talk about "The Jews", and suddenly realised mid sentence that the Donkey, who ia apparently jewish and was sitting next to him, had started to bristle with indignation.
At this point he stalled , and when questioned as to why, said that he was just looking for the right words. Which turned out to be that "The Jews...........are wise".
Even the donkey laughed at this transparently obvious cover up, and on trundled Troy about other wise "peoples", like the Greek gods. Hmmm, well if they were/are Gods then they're not exactly a people are they now Troy old boy.
A prize dickhead that I'm sure will provide many more fun afternoons in the weeks and months to come.
I've got a theory he will join up with Neil to form a serial killer duo. In which case I had better watch out.
Oh and as a postscript Adele/Hera, who has just moved in next door , told me that every time she goes home she finds a different man waiting outside for him. Hahahaha.
Okay, now that I've finally finished this entry, having been interupted the other day I'll start on the events of last week. But I'll try and do that on Monday.
So i did.
Go to Santorini I mean.
I bought the ticket after writing the last entry so that I would have to go because otherwise I (or my hangover), would have talked myself out of it. I did have a moments hesitation when the ferry pulled into Naxos, because after all , that would still count as going somewhere and I could still go back and see Sophy that night, and be able to watch telly later on.
Thankfully I came to my senses though and stayed on the boat, which was, lets face it , already paid for. Unfortunately I then went to sleep and woke up only as the ferry was already well inside the caldera so missing what must be one of the most dramatic approaches to an island anywhere in the world.
As i had been a bit pissed the night before i didn't do any research on the island tho and so when i disembarked i was a little lost. Get a room, from the touts, don't get a room from the touts etc.
I was going to meet a friend who lived there anyway but I didn't want to presume i could stay with him so i was even more in a muddle. In the end I got the bus into Thira. It was supposed to go to the town of Pygos which is where my friend lives. It didn't. I found out afterwards that even though I had asked before getting on the damn thing, that because I was the only one who wanted to go to Pyrgos , it didn't. Bastards.
So I ended up in Thira which on the outskirts was fucking ugly to say the least. Nasty nasty ugly housing complexes with all the aesthetic charm of an English suburban Barret housing estate. Well okay , not that bad, but really really out of keeping with what you expect from a Greek island. Especially Santorini.
The town of Thira itself was okay in a vastly over touristic kind of way. I thought it was like a kind of poshed up Monastiraki, perched on the edge of one of the most amazing views in the world. One thing that did strike me was how spotlessly clean the town was. Despite the omnipresent scowling Albanians clutching cans of Amstel, there was no rubbish. Anywhere. No cig butts , no empty water bottles and no empty Amstel cans. Even more suprising as there didn't seem to be even one rubbish bin anywhere in the central part of the town.
After an hour or so of wandering around I went back to the bus station and caught one to Pyrgos, nervous all the way that I was going to end up somewhere completely different as Pyrgos was only a mid way destination. Happily the kid collecting the tickets shouted out when we got there, so I got off, one stop too early as it turns out, but nevermind.
Anyway Pyrgos turned out to be jaw dropping beautiful. A real Greek village, not some over plasticised tourist trap. Complete with donkeys, scenic old hags and a church every ten metres. Oh and a bloody big castle over looking everything the island has to offer.
I followed my friends directions and found him in his little shop half way up to the castle in a beautiful old building which turned out to be directly opposite his house, where i stayed. This is another lovely old building. Big vaulted ceilings, original wooden floors and lots and lots of rooms. When i looked round it just seemed to keep going and going. Dennis (well he is Greek), said that while he was restoring it he found three extra rooms that weren't on any of the plans. Wierdly there are also connecting passages to the neighbouring houses, built so that the inhabitants could escape if pirates came visiting.
Later that night we went for a walk around the bottom level of the castle area. It reminded me of the area around the Acroplis, lots of tiny, and not so tiny, houses all perched on top of themselves. Amazingly expensive boutique hotels with swimming pools private to each room next to little old lady houses ,complete with a goat in the back yard. So I guess not at all like the Plaka when I think about it.
Going to have to leave it here because I've got to go dj at my friends wedding party in a bit.
Ok , now all the horrible annoying people have left. By that I mean that the unsufferable Sophie has left. My god that was Painful. Painful. Painfull And then a little more painful. So much so that I just had to go back and correct all the spellings of painful, because she was so full of pain that, well you get the picture.
anyway, now the other Sophy (fuck cunt alo ena is here), and so the week off off i had semi planned is out of the window. I am still going to try and go somewhere tomorrow. But we will see.
I spent all day sitting drinking beeeeeeeer in remezzo this afternoon , whilst really wanting to go to the beach on my week off, with her ,which was rather stupid of me because lets face it , Sophy would not, has not, and will not, ever go out of her way for me.
I feel rather foolish, but at the same time have known her for more than twenty years.
Maybe that is time enough to have learnt my lesson .
But also time enough to cherish a friendship that has lasted this long despite our myrid faults.
She just came in now so I have to stop .
OOps
Thank fuck Amy Winehouse as played by Sue ellen has now left because i think if i had to look at that pouty little face one more time i may have ahd to fill it in. With glue at least.
saturday night she sat here with a face that couldn't have been longer if she had been put through willy wonka's mile teevee re-stretching process. All because for once she wasn't the centre of attention.
The woman craves attention like a smackhead craves, well er, smack.
Just had to run away there for a moment to go and see what was up for grabs at the Planet Mushroom closing down sale , but unfortunately it was like the leftovers at a church jumble sale. shit t-shirts and shorts that were best, and simply, described as, fucking horrible. No wonder they had to close down if that was the stock they were carrying.
Ah , so back to sophy spacecake...... well Monday night Karen a kind of thank you and goodbye party. The end of the summer is upon us and Pete will be leaving next week so it was the last chance to get him to cook , and also acted as a fantastic advert for his skills.
The food was amazing, I wasn't keen on the rice paper rolls , they were okay but i wasn't overly taken with them. This made things a bit awkward when Pete asked me about them, saying they were the best dish there, and I um-ed and ah-ed, only to have giorgos from the t-shirt shop thrust a plate in my face and say " you eat that . I don't like it".
Then i did one of my best only opening my gob to change feet moments, saying that it's okay , he didn't like them because they are girly food, well you know not just for girls but( furious bit of backpeddaling) well you know , Greek guys aren't going to like them, (pause for change of feet),because there's no meat in them and they are well um , girls food, like the sort of thing the yoga ladies like.
Anyway he seems to have forgotten about that so I think I'm okay.
I am working at Alga again tonight thankfully, not that I am in anyway looking forward to it, but it will at least provide an escape from the torturous scene currently enveloping me.
I'm in the internet cafe which should be quiet as there is only one computer in use. Unfortunately this computer is occupied by the entire Sophy Spacecake ,(this year played by Sue Ellen from Dallas,crossed with Amy Winehouse, in more ways than one), family, who seem to have privacy issues. ie. they don't understand the concept, or the idea that this is my place of work and not their living room. Mind you it seems that they have the same view on the entire island and haven't quite got their heads around the idea that this place is where we live and work and not just a two week bi-annual vacation where you can live and do as you please.Well not all the time.
Thankfully she has now gone outside leaving just Mini-Me, as Loud Dad is also out in the street doing his Eric Morecambe impression to bemused looking Greek grannies.
Hurrah she's gone, along with her beehive to the Saloon Dor to meet Dylan.
Now Alga's not looking such an enticing prospect.
At least last night there were people but that meant that the place stayed open until , well who knows , but it was almost daylight by the time I got home. Hopefully tonight he will try and underpay me again so I have the excuse to say "thanks but no thanks I don't want to work next week". Or indeed ever again. I think in this case there is a bridge I can safely burn.
It's Monday again and so that means over the next five days I will have to put up with over 30 hours or so of mindless wittering falling out of the incessantly flapping holes, (TM Charlie Brooker) of the current crop of geriatric fuckwit tourists that inhabit pebbles in these dying days of summer.
Luckily as most are French, and therefore refuse to speak in any language other than their foul sounding mish mash of gurgles, croaks, and squeaks, I can't understand any of it. But it's still annoying.
I'm not sure what is happening on the dj-ing front for the next week as I really really really don't want to go to Alga at the weekend, but probably will, and Kialoa seems to have been shut down by the Police Friday night. I'm not exactly sure on that , but it was closed saturday night, the night after the decibel police seem to have been out nicking everyone for playing music at volumes louder than the average person brushes their teeth.
Or indeed, louder than the average French tourist gurgling incomrehensibly.
Adele, Emi from the Gallery, and Dakis from Evinos , among others, all got whisked away to the copshop in the early hours of the morning Friday and kept there, at least in the case of Adele, until 10.30 am. With regards to Adele though, this was probably because she turned into her vampiric (a la Buffy ) alterego, and huffed and puffed until she had nearly blown down the police station with a steady hurrican strenth gust of expletives.
Luckily i slept through the 4 missed calls from the heavy browed one that I found on my phone the next day due to getting utterly twatted with some funny blokes who were here on holiday and happened to know Kay of City Road Inn, Manchester , fame. She was /is the landlady of my local pub when I lived opposite the Hacienda, the one that used to have to come round weekly to collect all the pint glasses we had either taken home, or had had sent up to use on the roof garden by means of a bucket and lenght of string.
They managed to miss their boat the next day, hohoho, but will be back from sampling the delights of Ios , on Wednesday, so I'm sure there will be further shenanigans then. Hopefully this time not to the soundtrack of a very pissed CPT flapping his hole about his sex life at a volume that would definately have had the decibel police in apoplexy.
I won't go into details, suffice to say that those of us who were not actively on the recieving end of his shoutfest were sitting talking about, well anything, just to not be listening to the conversation that was going on close by.
Ok, two things I hate today are Alga, Alga, and, no make that three, Alga. Or even four, and the stupid bitch who kept me there until 4.45 am for the sake of one, yes one, pissy bottle of fucking water.
I have to go by tonight to get paid and I am going to make sure I am pissed enough to say that last night was the last night I will ever work in that god forsaken hole.
No customers until 1.30 and then none after 3, except for dear Emy from the Gallery Bar. I was bored shitless all night. Even when there were a few people outside there was precisely, hmm let me think now, hmm, NO-ONE inside, until bloody Emy sashayed her way in to slump over the end of the bar sucking the life out of her solitary water bottle.
And so now I am here in the internet cafe, a mere five hours later looking as if my face is made out of playdo with little red slits for eyes and a mood that could best be described as deepest darkest black. Plus I'm wearing a nasty Primark T-shirt because everything else is in the machine I forgot to empty as I was too busy screaming at that bastard dog for waking me up.
Current status of the Captains departure, (and so also that bastard dog's) T - 25 days and counting.
More stuff to tell, but I'm in such a foul mood i fear that if i continue now it will just be more moaning so i will wait until the afternoon when hopefully I will have cheered up a little.
Wow. Three days in a row. Quite a spurt of activity considering the lazy approach I've been taking to this blog lately.
That would, I guess be because I'm sitting here bored, nursing a not quite hangover in Pebbles.
I Dj-ed in Kialoa last night and seem to have drunk a little too much, especially considering that I didn't wake up until 5 minutes past the time I start work. I love the new arrangement at Kialoa. I get cancelled for Wednesday night each week, and still get paid.
This is how all work should be.
There is the somewhat less appealing prospect of having to go to Alga tonight though, but as I sent a text saying I couldn't, mere moments before discovering that, in fact i could, I'm hoping there won't be any irate phone calls at around 12.30. Actually that is easy fixed. The phone does have an off button.
I just told Mikalis, in my best pidgin Greek about the incident with Steamboat Sam, stressing that I wasn't sure of the details but just that we wanted him to be aware that there is someone capable of doing such things. When I descibed who it was, he shook his head and said that they are already well aware of him and know he is dodgy as fuck.
Well maybe he didn't say it exactly like that but that was definately the sentiment.
In my rather upbeat witterings yesterday I forgot about probably the biggest thing that has happened recently. The case of Steamboat Sam and Scottish Sisters. Actually giving it that title makes it sound as if I am making fun. And I'm not, as the lunatic deserves to be locked up.
After Magaya on Sunday night last week , Penny's other two daughters took some people back to the house they've been staying in, Deirdre and Romeo's somewhere in the back streets, including big fat Katarina and her very much older, very much stranger , boyfriend.
He at some point threw an Australian girl Lisa through, a glass table smashing it completely but thankfully not doing much damage to her. At this point the Scottish Sisters Albanian boyfriends and Di's kids apparently twatted him, and threw him out of the house. That was that, or so they thought, and the next day was Penny's party, which as I wrote yesterday went perfectly and so they put Sundays events out of their minds and got on with getting their mother home.
That is until they woke up in the morning to find that Steamboat Sam had set the furniture outside their front door on fire. Thankfully they managed to put the fire out before it did any damage to either them or the house, but if it had caught, they would have had no way out and the story could have had a very different ending. As it was they had time only to clean the mess up and run for their boat without having chance to go to the police and so it seems as if the wanker has got away with it.
Not good to know there is someone capable of doing something like that wandering around amongst us.
Oh, and Tina Poodle nicked Luke's phone the other day, running out of the bar when she was asked if she had picked it up by accident. At the same time Adele called the phone and Tina'a bag started to ring. As if that weren't vidence enough, when they went round to her house and called again, the phone started to ring inside the house. At this point the police turned up as Tina Poodle had called them saying that someone was trying to break into her house. Luckily the cops accepted Adele and co's version of events but said that they would have to make a seperate claim to follow up on the story of the stolen phone. And that's where that that story is at now. The phone still rings so it's definately been nicked and being used by someone or the battery would have died long ago. I've been having fun sending really abusive messages to it, because if it wasn't Tina , then no harm done, and if it was, then she deserves every word.
She also hasn't been seen in either Remezzo or Adele's since that night.
As a last word, on a completly different subject, Alga last night was truely horrible, empty, empty, empty. I have committed myself until the end of the week but I really don't think I can bear more than that. ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH.
Right, that's the news for today.
Argh. I've done it again. Due to my complete inability to say no, I am working in Alga again tonight. Ignoring the phonecalls was obviously not enough of a hint, so the othe day Lambis came to find me at pebbles where after he caught me not answering the phone I was too embarassed to say anything other than Ok when he told me I was working tonight. Dumb fucking coward that I am.
So it looks as if a very tiring September is coming up.
Thankfully though August is on it's last legs and most of the fat wobbly people have now departed along with their fat wobbly pie stuffing children.
The last two weeks have been very busy. Both on a personal scale and in terms of tourists on the island. Or maybe it was just that they were all larger than normal and so took up more room while shuffling down the narrow streets.
The 15th was nothing like previous years, but then we say that every year. The fireworks were pretty impressive though and watched from the vantage point of the rocks outside Remezzo, very near, and big, and loud.
Unfortunately I had to work on the Sunday of that week as Giorgos was too tired from being 40 minutes late every day and had to have the afternoon off , despite it being his choice not to hire someone else to work days off and so get the money himself. I was fuming, not least because it was Irmi's birthday, and it was around 40c with no wind. Exactly the kind of day i like turning scarlet on a beach.
Monday was the goodbye to Penny party at Remezzo , an event that I feared would be horribly maudalin and not something she would enjoy at all. In the event it turned out to exactly the opposite and she seemed to be having a wonderful time. everyone who had even a passing aquaintance with her turned out, and the slight tears in hers eyes were more of gratitude for the friends she had made here and the good times had than sadness at saying goodbye. In some ways it was like having a wake, while the person was was still there to see how much she was cared about.
Tuesday I worked in Kialoa, and Wednesday got paid to have the night off so that Greek music could be played for the ever dwindling band of Athenian tourists. I wish that happened ever week. Or better still , every day.
Unfortunately with September approaching , so is the time when friends start to leave for the winter. So far we have already lost Joanna, (who I read on facebook is on her way to Ibiza, you kept that quiet you sneaky cow!), and evil Ruth. Soon it will be just us winter kiddies and the host of local mad people. Ah well, at least Dirty Dimitris the Pebble Painting Tip Theif will hopefully fuck off soon too.
The rest of the week has disappeared into a beer goggle filtered haze but it was fun, and rounded off nicely by a day sitting by the pool at Rosesbeach hotel, and yesterday a day turning scarlet on the beach at Magaya on what must have been only the second perfect windless Sunday all summer. I'm even not that pissed off at having to go to pebbles later as my forehead is still a little sore from the sun and it probably wouldn't be advisable to burn it anymore.
Ugh. but that brings me back to bloody Alga again.
And suddenly, and very horrifically I'm reminded of the reason, (or one of them) , I don't live in England.
Three of the most plumby voiced horrors i have ever had the misfortune to come across are now sitting in the internet cafe screeching at each other across the table. These three could be employed at Guatanamo Bay to break even the most hardened terrorist. Jack Bauerr and his torture injections have got nothing on the yahhh yahhh yahhh -ing ,of these little freaks of nature. Imagine that horrible Katie Hopkins woman from The Apprentice and add another two exactly the same into that nightmarish vision and you're about there.
"Hey , like yahhhh, excuuuse meeeee. It's as if they seem to think that because vowels were invented specifically for them, they've got to use as many as possible in case any of the oiks get their hands, or rather tonsils, wrapped around them.
To put this in context, Pete's Danny just came and sounded like Pat Butcher after ten packets of woodbine in comparison. And she is posh.
After the humiliation of being thrown out of the hotel at Parasparos last week, or at least not allowed to use the swimming pool, (due no doubt to not putting more than the required number of vowels into each word), this week Steve
,Irmi and I decided to go to Rosesbeach Hotel , just behind Aktia, to cure our need for a swimming pool centred day out. A great afternoon, beers, mohitos, swimming pool, and nice people, although as the hotel isn't on the beach and i didn't spot a single rosebush , the name does have me a little confused.
Lots of photos too, but i forgot to bring the cable so they are stuck inside the camera.
Only five minutes to go until the yah yah yah's time runs out .
Ok. Here's another thing I hate. Hats. Or more particularly the prats beneath them. What is it that makes people think at the first sign of sunshine they have to rush off and by the sort of thing that should only be worn by a donkey? Needless to say our very own Donkey John has one,( and that is kind of apt in a way).
I've just seen a group of about ten swedishy looking people stomping along the seafront looking as if they were in the opening credits of "The Apprentice" ,except all in matching, not quite panama hats and I would have loved to have run down there , pulled them all off their stupid matching little pin heads and stomped on them until there was nothing left but little fragments of fake straw and a collection of labels reading "not quite a panama hat".
That would teach them.
Actually some hats can be alright. Baseball caps when not worn by slack jawed albies who have trouble lifting their knuckles up from the floor long enough to put the things on the right way round, can be quite cool.
Urban Sombrero's too.
That was a joke by the way.
And so Monday is here again. As welcome as a Jehova's Witness at an orgy, or John Dixon anywhere. A whole week sitting in the torture chamber of Pebbles dreading the moment when Captain Grumpypants arrives for his tradition pre-coffee sinking in moan. The next three weeks are of course going to be the worst of the entire year as it's peasant Greek month. The weeks leading up to the 15th of August when the streets get increasingly blocked with shuffling fat people who have had more than a quick brush with the ugly stick. Also known as Athenians (who can't afford Naoussa, and so come to Parikia to have their annual holiday/moan).
Oh yes the joys of mid summer are with me today. I Think it was Nina the Cleaner screeching at me for for twenty minutes this morning that has put me in such a bad mood. Or maybe what Chris Candy has "forgotten" to tell me.
At least the Captain and that bloody dog are being thrown out in 2 months and three days (or 64 days)
And now it's approaching the end of July , and Parikia is still as quiet as it was a couple of weeks ago. Actually some places are doing even worse now than then, including Alga which seems to have a permanent big cloud over its doorway which while not having yet released a downpour, threatens to at any moment....... A bit like a conversation with Dee at any given moment.
Thankfully I haven't been called by the guys at Alga for a couple of weeks , and I'm rather pleased about that , not least because being associated with a bar dying on its' arse is not exactly top of my list of cv requirements. And I'm sick of sitting around until stupid o' clock for bollocks money. And they only ever call in the afternoon that they want me to work.
So all in all, not at all bothered , especially as I'm now doing two nights in Kialoa, and more than two nights a week djing , while doing all the other stuff is not something I want to do.
In other news Maxine is here, but leaving tomorrow. This year she decided to do haircuts for all and sundry instead of crashing her car, which I think, was on the whole, a good move.
It's Vangelis , my landlord's, birthday party tonight, an event which judging by previous years will be full of people moaning about the music whilst simultainously jumping up and down in a vague approximation of dancing. This year however John and I have refused to have anything to do with the dj-ing, Vangelis having hired instead a "proffesional" wedding and geek party DJ. And yes the missing "r" was intentional. I have a feeling i might be hearing rather a lot of Sakis Rouvass tonight. But at least home is a mere hop skip and stumble away. So close in fact that I can keep popping back for a refill without actually having to be at the party.At least thats the way it was last year , with the excuse of showing people the view from my house.
Going back to Maxine and her haircuts; mine is great. Its just a pity that I didn't suggest to Chris the American, that he get Max to do his, because, well should we just say , er um , well. I'm not sure, being an old fuck and all, but last time i looked tramlines hadn't yet made an ill advised return to fashionable heads.
I wrote all of that without any alcohol. So now I'm going to have some wine and then maybe I will have something else to say later, although as a postscript I should just say that Bruce's one time blind date's phone just rang. With Mama Mia as a ringtone. Which I think says it all.
So it's the middle of July and the island, or rather, Parikia is as quiet as it was in May. Maybe more so. I don't care. In fact I love it , but then i don't have a business here.
Needless to say this hasn't stopped lots of badness happening. Well drunkeness anyway.
My big toe is still recovering from its' rather intimate encounter with the Maraibo's wall two weeks ago, but that has meant that I've been able to sit down while dj-ing, not got so bored , and actually quite enjoyed myself while working.Both in Kialoa and Alga, although I do get the distinct feeling that Alga and I will soon be parting company as i can't stand the hours there. I always hated working until dawn but now that i'm an old curmudgeon , I really detest it. And the money is shit this year because no tourists = no customers = no money. And soon no Dj.
The prices everywhere have gone crazy this year, which also may have something to do with the lack of tourists. 4.5 euro for a glass of , well , okayish, wine in Pebbles for example.
Well it's been really quite so we'll have to put up the prices. Yeah ok . Thats really going to help matters.
As I write this there are precisely no tourists outside, just two dorks from the shit art school who are now scouring the courtyard for a darning needle, or something, that miss dork has dropped. Dopey Bitch.
So, here's a quick re-tread of the Nashes versus The Mads, which Yahoo sent off into the cyber graveyard after I had spent about an hour typing it up.
Back story : Once upon a time a family of mad people came to live on Paros. Marylin, Len, and Marylin's kids , Dan , Charlie,(cool), JP, (less cool), and Cary-Ann, (absolutely fucking bonkers by all accounts). After a year or so Cary-Ann moved to Australia to marry Jack Nash's best friend with whom she subsequently had a child. Then two days after the minimum period she had to stay married ,to keep her Australian citizenship she left the poor man.
Recent events: The mad bitch , according to Jack and Nikki has been abusing the kid, beating him, and allowing her older son to do the same. Also she just sent the police round to the fathers house accusing him having the house full of drugs.
Current events, well as of a week or two ago anyway: Dan , the cool brother, is talking to Jack about life , the meaning of the universe and everything when Jack says something about what a bitch Cary-Ann has been. Dan hits the roof and tell his mother Marylin Mad. Marylin the flips her already loose lid and goes off searching for Jand N, asks Harry where they are staying and then throwsa wobbly at the receptionist at the Panderossoss Hotel because she won't give out their room number. Jack and Nikki then get told that a crazy oldish sounding English woman who speaks a little Greek has left a series of messages for them saying as the receptionist put it "she wants to fight them".
A week passes and then she doesn't show up for the scheduled meeting, resorting instead to a toorent of abuse down the phone , saying that Jack and Nikki, who were only trying to help the poor kid, and their friend , the unfortunate who was sucked into her evil web, are making it all up and that it's gossip that they are making up and then spreading. She refuses to even accept the time that Cary -Ann was still supposed to be seeing Pete the chef while shagging the other guy behind his back . This aparently goes on a good while.
This one i think will run and run , especially beause once that mad old mare has got the bit between her teeth i can't see her letting go.
And speaking of Mad people, well we have a new one in town. Simon. He looks as if his wig has slipped half way down the back of his head, and is doing a fine job of winding all and sundry up with his antics. Already barred from the rock bar, he on his last warning in Remezzo where he threw a fine wobbly at being refused credit on Saturday.
More on that later I'm sure. For now I'm just going to do a quick search to find the picture of Donkey John at the wedding which Nikki just sent.
In lieu of a blog entry today....................................
According to a recent international survey, the French are now considered the most obnoxious tourists from European nations, and behind only Indians and the last-place Chinese as the worst among all countries worldwide. And it's not only the rest of the world that have a gripe with the Gallic attitude: the French also finished second to last among nations ranking the popularity of their own tourists who vacation at home.
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But it's the unflattering image being reflected from abroad that may give pause to the millions of French travelers now heading off to summer vacation destinations across the globe. Will that move them to improve behavior the poll characterized as impolite, prone to loud carping and inattentive to local customs? If so, that's just the start: the study also describes the voyageur franÇais as often unwilling or unable to communicate in foreign languages, and particularly disinclined to spending money when they don't have to - including on those non compris tips. Over all, French travelers landed 19th out of 21 nations worldwide, far behind the first-place Japanese, considered most polite, quiet and tidy. Following the Japanese as most-liked tourists were the Germans, British and Canadians. Americans finished in 11th place alongside the Thais.
Found on Yahoo's front page today.
you see . It's not just me.
I guess a good place to start would be Tony and Sheila's wedding which was two weeks ago today, so i have probably forgotten most of it.
Blame the Nashes as they have kept me supplied with brain befuddling hangovers for most of the last two weeks.
The big day was the 21st and at 6pm we all gathered on the beach outside the sailing club for the first ever beach wedding on Paros. Unless you count the ones that were held in churches on the beach like Dimitris' from Pebbles at Agia Irini in the church with a big hole in the back. This was good because it meant we could stand behind the priest and pull faces at the happy couple. At least we could until the priest got mad because Dimitris kept laughing, and stopped the ceremony.
But back to Tony and Sheila. It was a beautiful evening with just enough breeze so it wasn't unbearably hot at that time of the day. The old man from the DIMOS finally appeared after a spell when it looked as if he wasn't going to come, stood on his specially built platform and announced that someone had to translate everything.
Ahhh. Hmmmm.
Luckily Bruce jumped in and did the business ,ungarbling the half translated sheet he was then given, from Gringlish like , "do you promise to couple with this woman all your life", into more standard, but not as funny English, and then suddenly it was over. They were man and wife , free to couple away with Gods , or at least the council's blessing for all their lives.
Before they got round to that though there was the party, which was conveniently held in the sailing club. Unfortuately as soon as we sat down , the wind which had been a cooling breeze turned into a full on gale blowing flowers and vases over. I assured the safety of my wine glass by making sure it was kept full at all times.
Speeches were done , food was eaten, Carol emptied her colostomy bag into a nearby tree and then the dancing started.
This was dominated by Donkey John in his pink shirt , undone to the waist, jiggling his moobies around like not only was he 40 years younger, 40 kilos lighter, but like he was auditioning for a part in Saturday Night Fever. It was like watching a car crash. Only funny.
A video of said exhibition does exist but we are waiting for it to arrive from Canada. when it does I will post a link to it here.
Anyway, a jolly good time was had by all and even Jack got away without making a fool of himself.
I forgot to mention about when Irmi managed to soak herself in beer by grabbing my cheeks just as i had taken a big swig of beer. Head to toe she was sprayed with warm amstel. Hee hee.
Ok that's the first wedding, the second one happened on Wednesday between a n Irish / Polish couple who were dragged off to alyiki to be married by the high priestess of oozo. Mad Zanet from Planet Zog in a viking ceremony by the sea.
Something tells me the validity of that particular union may be a little suspect.
There are of course more sytories to tell but its nearly time to go to Pebbles and I have a sinking feeling the Prophet of Doom will be there waiting for me already. Yup Diaster Dee has been in town for the last three weeks , spreading her particular brand of negativity and woe high and low.
And today whilst sweltering in 38 hot sweaty degrees, it is young Christopher who has earned my wrath by calling me at 6.38am to inform me that it was a beautiful morning.
"Fuck Off" I screamed into the phone that had woken me up with the delightful sound of drunk Irmy shouting "Beastly, beastly, ghastly, ghastly". Recording your own ringtones is I believe a rather stupid thing to do.
Then just as I was eventually going back to sleep, the twat texted me to explain why he had called. ie. the beautiful morning thing. Bastard. An hour later while still awake , this time due to the Captain downstairs thinking it was perfectly acceptable to run around, getting his shite dog to bark non-stop for an hour, so waking everyone else up including the policeman , his wife and their 4 month old baby, I texted Chris back with a message that included not a few swearwords.
With that explained it's probably quite easy to understand why i am now slumped on my laptops keyboard grumbling away to myself and dreading the prospect of another fun filled night in Kialoa.
Don't know if Chris will ever speak to me again though. And to be honest I don't think I care.
I have learnt a valuable lesson from today, and that is that when faced with a 16hr working day it is advisable to turn the phone off.
Oh, and the Nashes arrive tonight.
Cue Mayhem
Another day, another nutter. Pebbles attracts them like American art students attract knuckle dragging mouth breathing Albanians.
Today's just left. He's stumbling off down the street as I write this. At least he left after not too much discussion when I refused to give him more booze.
So far the pebble painting tip thief hasn't been back either, although I realise I am very much tempting fate by saying that.
So I had a week off. Kind of. I had to come in on the Monday but managed to spend the rest of my Birthday week on the beach, or at least close to it with beer in hand
With all the other jobs though I only managed a grand total of 3 out of a possible 9 , full days off,and i have to admit to getting a little bored during the second of those. By the end of day 3 however i was fully sinking into holiday mode. Just in time to go back to work and spend the afternoon dealing with nutjobs from Volos on their early summer hols. He reckoned he was 45 which was either a blatant lie on a very scary vision of what too much time in the sun can do to your skin. And huge amounts of alcohol.
tick. tick.
Sophy came and went a week ago or so. She is now in kefalonia going to see about a new life. Which is I think a good move as it will help to take her mind off the old one.
I'm back on the 3 jobs a day trick at the moment which is obviously not something I can keep doing for long. I guess it's a case of making hay while the sun shines. Wierdly though, at least until the vagrant from volos incident, I still seem to be quite relaxed and haven't bitten anyones head off for quite some time now. Mind you i have yet to see the donkey. I heard him braying at Magaya on Sunday but managed to escape actually seeing him.
Hearing him was quite an achievement as Keiran hobitt was talking 300 miles a minute without actually saying anything at the same volume as the entire Greek Airforce having a flyby 3ft above your head, but then i guess i am talking about Donkey John, 182nd in line to the throne of England.
Next up is Tony Boats wedding on Saturday. I will be there with camera in one hand and substantial amounts of alcohol in the other. On the beach ,in the sunshine. My God I am going to end up like the vagrant from Volos.
Hello.
I'm back. It's been a busy three weeks or so since last i wrote so here, in an order which makes no particular sense, are my witterings on the events so far in May.
To start, I'll just say that it's hot.Very hot in fact. Round about 32c , which when you consider that it was pissing with rain and around 20 this time last year is most unexpected.
I've been dj-ing a lot . Too much in fact as I'm already sick to the back teeth of it and we are not even into June yet. So far this week I've done three nights each in Alga and Kialoa. Kialoa isn't so bad, they close when there is no-one there at 3.30, but Alga is a fucking joke. Last night at 3.30 the place was empty, literally, until the owners of the other bars came along. I left at 5 just as the girl from the gallery came back for another drink, and it looked as if they were staying open a good while longer.I'm there again tonight but no way am I staying after 4 as I'm in the internet cafe at 11, and then here again at pebbles in the afternoon.
All this does mean that I've cleared the winter debts though and can now start saving for the bloody dentist as the very last bits of cack handed Mancunian dentistry have now fallen out once again.
A couple of days ago I walked into Pebbles to find Dirty Dimitris the Pebble Painting Tip Thief sat hunched over a paper cup full of oozo that Dimitris had given him on the understaning it was a takeaway. It wasn't and so for the next hour or so he sat mumbling abuse at anyone and anything.
Eventually he asked me for another and after I told him no , started to get really nasty. In the end I made the fatal mistake of agreeing to give him another as long as this time he took it away with him. I know , I know, Stooopid.
The minute he got his hands in the paper cup full of suma, he started cursing and shouting again. I left him to it after threatning him with the police reasoning that eventually he would get bored and leave, turned the music up to drown him out and went and sat outside leaving him slumped over the bar grumbling away.
Eventually though he finished his suma and demanded a beer. I said no, he started shouting about why not , he is a customer and I should do whatever he said and no he wouldn't fuck me was that why he couldn't have a beer etc etc etc.
Finally having had enough I followed up on my threat to call the police and have them come deal with him. They were engaged. As they were 2 minutes later so I called Dimitris to get Mikali's phone number. He asked me not to call them, just to throw him out.
So i grabbed him and marched him out of the gate, where he promptly fell over and banged his head on the wall dragging me over on top of him in the process. He sat up, picked up his glasses and asked me what time i finished, (maybe he'd changed his mind about not fucking me?) and i left him there mumbling.
I went to check if was still there ten minutes later, and of course he was , but this time lying flat on his back snoring. So he was ok, not unconcious just pissed and sleeping it off in the street.
Ten minutes later he was still there. And ten minutes after that.That was when i noticed the blood that had run down the side of head and was starting to dry on his throat and t shirt. At this point I got a bit worried that he might be seriously hurt and as Thomas was downstairs with his van asked him if he thiught I should call an ambulance. Menios was there too and he came upstairs to look and see if he could help.
As soon as he saw who it was lying in the street though , after checking he was indeed sleeping, and being told to go fuck himself, after waking him up to ask if he was okay, Menios told me just to leave him, or call the police to come get him.
Two hours he was still there refusing to get up and I was on the point of calling the hospital just in case as he head was still slightly bleeding, when Giorgos Levantis managed to get him to move and go and sit in one of the chairs outside Kitsilano before taking him to Levantis to go clean him up a bit.
Anyway he hasn't been seen since and as annoying and repulsive an old cunt he is I hope he is okay.
Bet he had a fucking stinking head whatever..
Right I'm bored now so I will finish this tomorrow.
Its May and the march of the morons has started already. Bloody daft Australians are wandering around the place with their t shirts tucked tightly into their shorts en-masse, outnumbered only by silly scandies in matching holiday uniforms.
An Australian couple just wandered into the internet cafe kicking off because they got off at the wrong port, ie here, instead of naxos. "no bloody way of knowing , was there mate, nothing in english, how we supposed to know this wasn't bleedin naxos"
Er.... do a bit of research as to where your ferry may be heading. And pay attention to the very loud anouncement that "the ship will be shortly docking at the port of Paros". Yes that's right PAROS, not Naxos . PAROS.
Now the thick cunt is trying to send a mail without an email address and wondering why it won't go.
How the fuck do these people manage to get abroad in the first place. Ah the joys of sumer .
Thank fuck for that. Another period of dumb christain worship is over for another year. People walking the streets in cheap suits and nasty hairdoes. Well at least until the next time. This year i avoided all of the marches of the Mad Mullahs, apart when while they paraded outside Karens bar and i got told off for being too loud whilst mocking.
Staurday was fun though, I don't remember any of it but i woke up feeling as if i had a good night, and it wasn't until the evening that Danny told be I was being really bad to one of the art students that any memories of the night before started to trickle in and displace my misfound optism in my behavoir.
Apparently i told danny she had a big gob , but it obviously wasn't as big as the big fat girl's next to her , Geddit , huh> huh (beavis and buthead style ),no do you geddit , big fat girl, big gob etc etc
OH hang head in shame time.
OOOPS.
Ah yes, Pete and Danny are here ,
And i like that!
Two things, well actually no, I've thought of a third.
First: Worf (see below) is now on his fourth bleary eyed visit of the day.
Second: How is it that American accents sound so inviting on the TV but so unutterably horrible in reality, and....
Third: Kostis is an arrogant know it all cunt with a drink problem that makes mine look like a piss in a pond compared with Niagra Falls at the end of a particularly heavy rainy season.
It seems i have just upset Mad Vasillis aka (Lieutenant Worf) who at 3.11pm is totally off his twat, having spent all morning in here drinking beer, by playing on my laptop when he would rather be having a conversation with me.
I would rather be having a conversation with the grim reaper than a drunk Mad Vasillis, who is bearable at the best of times only by punturing your eardrums, poking out both eyes and stuffing wads of paper up your nose.
It was also his third visit since 11am, as he has nothing better to do than wander from bar to bar annoying everyone and anyone unfortunate to be sitting whever he stumbles. Apart from going to work of course. To the job that I and every other resident of Paros pays for him to avoid. I have heard that it's easier for his co-workers to allow his skiving than to actually try and do their jobs with him present, but if he is not the poster boy for why the Greek civil service should be re-formed then he should be.
Anyway , the summer has arrived.Its been stupidly warm and sunny since Saturday. I even went swimming over the weekend. Twice. And yes it was bloody cold but once i had stopped involuntarily making strange almost screaming noises it was actually rather nice. I do have rather a red chest though which in itself is strangely comforting - the kind of not too advanced sunburn that means a tan is on the way.
The sunburn was probably achieved by going out and getting twatted on Saturday, so spending all of sunday in a slightly drunken (but wierdly not hungover), state that led to a big long long sleep in the beach in the afternoon, from which I awoke not because i' d had enough sleep but because a bloody great ant crawled up my nose and bit the inside of my left nostril. Cue more , this time slightly be-fuddled almost screaming.
It could have been worse as there have been several reports of people being confronted by a naked Mad Vasillis on the beach over the last few days. Believe me this is not a sight you even want to contemplate.
So... two blog entries in one week. I feel proud of myself, despite this one appearing mainly due to a lack of things to watch while working in a very empty internet cafe.
In the last post I mentioned a little affair i have been having. Well it's continuing. And that's really all i have to say on the subject for now.
Next week is Easter and so all the bars / restaurants / tack shops / etc are all busy re-painting and getting reeady for the official end of winter, eeven though this time a fortnight from now the streets will once again resemble something out of Deadwood, albeit with nice white lines that don't quite fit in the gaps made when the streets were re-laid. I'd love to know what happened to the bits left over.
Maybe the Albanians took them home to build mantlepieces.
Or something.
I had a strange morning wednesday when in the space of 20 minutes i landed two dj-ing jobs. One in Alga, which wasn't exactly a suprise , but equally not a sure thing either, and then another in the re-vamped Kialoa which was. More so as i just got dragged off the street with an "Ella 'do Malaka" by Argiris, the one time manager, who is apparently the now time manager too.
"Meet your new boss"
And the interview was over.
So i will now apparently be working there at least once a week and the same for Alga.
Good good. Nice if it carries over into the winter too.
Oh, and the shouty french coffin dodgers are back in town. In large , loud numbers.
Oviously I was feeling slightly less than charitable when i wrote the last entry, and I'm not tody either, but as the still not perfectly working laptop has decided to work today it seems necessary to get the events of the last week recorded before i forget/expunge them.
Its been a busy old week. One that kicked off with me having a lovely night in, infront of the telly because The Donkey and his gang of merry old dears decided to invade Latte/Karls, and so I buggered off home rather than endure his presence. Apparently I missed a humdinger of a row between him and Pauline Fowler who once again invited the whole island to her divorce party after leading a proper awl eastend sing-song to a largely stupified audience of Irmi, Steve, Gail and Adele.
"Maaaybee its beacaws ai'm a landuner"
Monday , or Tuesday, (can't remeber now), adele was in Karens where she decided that i needed to get a good eyeful of her tits, but that apparently not being sensory overload enough tried to get me to sniff them. At this point accounts of subsequent events differ. Karen was in the toilet and swears she heard a loud prolonged sniff.
But I don't think so. Needless to say everytime since that night that I've left her bar she's asked me if I'm going for a good sniff.
To which I have able to reply that I don't need to, as the very next night while in a state of total inebriation, I got picked up by one of the art students and taken home for a night of bedroom games.
Last night though I fear the fledgling romance might have foundered somewhat when Chris ,(i mention his name only to make sure that no-one thinks it was that yeuky boy/girl Josh from the Aegean School), completely wasted, tried to snog me on the steps of Karens Bar in front of the whole of Jays birthday party, and I wasn't having any of it.
It didn't help any that Michelle, dressesed in a very fetching pair of blue shiny curtains, was standing there unashamedly filming the whole episode.
Anyway, we then left with me planning to walk him home and leave. He tried to snog me in the street again though and when i stilll wasn't having any of it got reaaly pissed off, especially when i told him how hammered he was.
A series of arguments followed and then he stalked me all the way to the port where we had a final row and eventually he went home.
So that's the state of play now, and I don't know if i want to leave it there or not as during the whole of that final act I was starting to feel like I was in a Greek Island re-make of Fatal Attraction.
And that was my week so far.
it's possible that you may have noticed i'm not overly fond of lots of people.Maybe.
However, i reseve my greatest supply of disdain for tits with git-ars.
Now , if they actually did something useful with them, like play their own songs , or at least not the same 15 bollocks piss poor oasis, rolling stones n, / ah forget it, just shite piss poor bumshite bollocks that every other twat with a git -ar plays, i may have at least a little smidgeon of respect.
But they don't.
and at the moment I'm being aurally assaulted by two twits with git-ars playing dirty old town.
Today in general wasn't great. What day that starts with Mad Vasillis could get good?
Actually that's not true , I had a great haircut from French Gaelle.
I have to write that because she may be reading, but also because it's true.
Anyway my computer ,despite days of squabbling with it, still refuses to work and that may explain my grumpiness, or not.
Yesterday we all sat outside hotel livadia. it was my idea to go for a beer late in the afternnon so i guess it's my fault.
I took lots of pictures and irmi made some videos . i will put all on facebook.
But....... dudh dudh duh.
That was a drumroll incidentally.
Bo threw all her toys out of the pram and stopmped off home. If you can stomp on a pushbike. Toy/pram thing, well yes that happened but the stomping is questionable.
Anyway it was jolly good fun and despite the re-occuring dream that was water flowing uphill. which no doubt has some meaning.
ugh , they are now doing more shit fucking oasis songs. and penny's big fat lesbian battlebus daughter is ringing the tones.
And no I am not grumpy at all .
but i should mention that sometime this week. Tuesaday I think, I tried to snog some bloke. Unsucessfully. It turned out that despite all around thinking he was into me , actually he wanted to have a bit of fun with a buffy style vampire old lady.
Each to their own.obviously.
Hurray it sounds like the horrible Eastenders extra-alike-s are fucking off back to their over priced leaking shitholes. It may be once again safe to venture into the mikro cafe.
Or not ,as the Git-Arss have started up again.
now they doing that cunt fucking Oasis thing again.
Give me Mr mike Flowers anyday
Last night I went to the new bar that once was Cafe Latte.
Now its called Carls , (or Karls,) and is owned by another scottish woman Adele , and her friend Jim.
I tried to go on the opening night but The Donkey was sitting in there and as I haven't had a recent tetanus shot , it didn't seem safe to stay
I've come to the conclusion that the British, and especially the English , are very like a box of Milk Tray. There are the ones that everyone takes first, that are quite nice, the ones that are sort of alright but you wouldn't bother with otherwise, and the fucking nasty ones that suprise you by looking and sounding ok but leave a nasty taste in your mouth.
Then of course there are the Donkey Johns, the Lime cremes.
Or to stretch the analogy, the orangey ones in a pack of Revels.(I mean, who has ever been pleasantly suprised when they bit into one of those??)
Anyway, today I've experienced the middle two sections of the Milk Tray, the cracknels, (the chortling jolly holly sticks women), and the coffee cremes/ turkish delights ( chortling jolly hockeysticks men ,who think just because their 4 year old guide book says so , then it must be gospel / dickhead southern builders from tiddley bumpkin whallop who seem to think it's my fault that it's not 35c and sunny " aaaannnd blaarrrddy expensive ere innnit).
So, to close.
Bloody English!
Its a beautiful warm sunny day, and I'm in a good mood.
Seeing as I'm at work that is an unusual way for me to be.
Maybe it was the delivery of celery salt that has perked up my spirits. Or the weekend being only a day away. I'm going to work in the Mikro Cafe Saturday night so that should give me plenty to rant on about . Bloody stupid screeching Americans.
It's been another week filled with bad news. Karens father died on Saturday night , and Soph'y mother is in hospital for what looks like being the final time. She is in London and Karen Scotland. Hence why I'm going to be scowling at her customers Saturday night.
The island at the moment is beautiful, all the spring flowers are out , and because of the multitude of downpours we 've had this year, everything is lush and green. So much so that it's kind of hard to picture how dry and barren it will be in a few short months time.
Maite is sat in here at the moment wibbling into her computer. In French. Loudly. Very loudly.
"MAIS OUI"
As a contrast to the natural state of the island though, Parikia looks like a bomb has gone off, several bombs actually. The market street has just been ripped up. Again. And the seafront is currently hosting several large sandpiles and stacks of plastic pipes. Very scenic.
"MAIS OUI"
This year I managed to escape the annual Pebbles Carnivale Disaster "Party". Mainly because it seems that even Dimitris has given up on the idea, after hosting "party" after "party" that would have made a Christmas Day gay and lesbian parade in Tehran look well attended.
This means that we are still on speaking terms not having had our annual carnival party fight.Which is nice.
In other news it seems that Donkey John threw all his toys out the pram again on Tuesday after trying to attack Bruce in Remezzo. He then apparently grovelled an apology , which is a newsworthy event in it's own right, but only because somewhere in the dense mush of rotting matter he carries around between his ears something sparked a realisation of what trouble he was in.
Wanker!
And that's it for now.
More pictures of the island covered on snow on Facebook........
Its been a long time baby , once again.
But, well nothing really, and now the dumphucks are back in town again.
In the meantime i have discovered lots of really cool greek people, one of whom had a birthday party tonight.
and the dumphucks just invaded karens now, which is why i left
screeching american post pubescent morons is not my idea of fun.
"Hey i could have benn a chheerleeding cocksuckinging festival queeen"
well why didnt you snag the cunt, get up the snatch, and wait ten years for the divorce payment then.
You self satisfied ivy league cunts.
maybe I'm a little cynical?
Before i was so rudely interupted the other day by someone who has the temerity to come into the bar and actually spend some money, unlike the vast majority of asylum applicants who think an espesso is their passport to sit and torture me with indecipherable wibblings for three hours, iwas talking about last weekend.
So Friday it was all warm sunny and lovely. Saturday it pissed it down and I took pictures of rivers . Then Sunday it started to snow , and stopped. And started.And stopped.
All in all it was very disappointing especially as every time I turned on the TV there were shots of newsmen doing their best to become human snowmen. And smug overmade up plastic dolls in the studio asking "how is the weather with you Giorgo/Kosta/ Dimitri?"
" Its fucking freezing and I'm standing in a blizzard you overmade up plastic doll, how the fuck do you think it is? ", was the answer i longed to here , but never did.
Monday it did start to properly snow though, and for all of half an hour the island was covered in a blanket of the stuff.
Then the sun was a cheeky bastard , came out ,and melted it all. While freezing gale force winds still battered us to oblivion and forced the likes of ZAnet from Planet Zog to sit in the bar and bend my ears until they turned themselves inside out so many times I started to look like one of Picasso's wilder flights of fancy.
Funnily enough, Tuesday dawned all sunny and bright again.By Wednesday it was warm enough to sit outside in a t-shirt and light jumper, and today was positevly balmy.
And i think thats it for today
It seems I may have writing some of these entries whilst pissed.
Long may such a fine tradition continue.
I must learn how to use spellcheck though.
So,since the last entry I have been variously bothered by annoying children, ARSEnis, Mad Vasillis, and a particularly swivel eyed Zanet from planet Zog. The former and latter together here in spacepeople refugee centre Pebbles yesterday afternoon. Outside the wind was hurling chairs across the balcony and inside I was dreaming of hurling Zannet and the screaming children off the balcony. Or something much higher.
This weekend winter came to visit. Friday was beautiful, another of those warm , sunny, windless days that lift winter spirits and make it all seem worthwhile. Then Saturday arrived along with lots of rain and I had the most exciting afternoon out of the month so far. We went to the supermarket in Marpissa and en-route marvelled at the wonders of running rivers. got to leave it here as thomas has just come in,
This is just a thought, but maybe instead of ploughing through penis enlargement adverts ( which i used to to send to friends from the sunday newspapers, so doing the cunt s jobs for them) , maybe yahoo could STOP THE FUCKING CUNTS FROM FILLING UP MY IN BOX TO THE POINT I RARELY CHECK IT.
So that little rant over, it's time for a new one
I spent all day today having my eardrums damaged by Eva (IZU)' children , her of the horrible arrogant husbad, the one who gets steaming drunk but still keeps his horroble screaming children under some some semblance of control. Unlike beautiful lovely Eva, who everyone feell sorry for , but doesn't.
The Antrichrist and His brother played merry hell together in Pebble s and Saint Fuckinf Eva told me that i should tell the mother of a moderately well behaved little girl that it was her daughters fault and i should tell the mother to look after the girl
Added to that i had fucking Zanet, (married to leon the Viking), carrying on like it was the first time alcohal had passed her lips. UM NOT FUVKING LIKELY.
All in all today is a day that I never want to experience ever again.
In a way, that is why i am being so brief in my description of it.
ARRRRRTGGGGGHHHH
It's once again been a long time since i posted something here.
Mainly because i have spent the last 3 weeks ptting even more shite greek music into Dimitri's computer, and so my laptop with its ' half finished last entry hasn't been here. I think one of the local gallery of half finished people walked in and so i had to stop.
Anyway , lets get the good news out of the way first so that i can go back to grumbling.
Steve and Irmi are now back on Paros, so all the hospital stuff is for the time being over. I haven't seen them yet but Irmi assures me she still has one fat leg ,(from the bruising) , for me to make fun of,and I guess they wil be hibernating for a while to come yet. Steve sounds in good spirits and is happy to be back. All is good with them in other words.
And thank fuck!
Ok now I've written up the good stuff its time to start the normal moaning about the subhumans that live here.. Except i haven't really got anything to say. OK obviously Mad vasillis has been in and out of the shop and is behaving in an increasingly (if thats possible), erratic manner, and ARSEnis has taken to coming in every afternoon for a good walk around the bar and a shout at the toilet door. But that is just part of the rich tapestry of life when the wind blows and the rain falls on this idyllic aegean island.
Harry, Gail, Nightmare Neil and I had a barbacue a couple of weeks ago on one of those weirdly warm and sunny winter afternoons. It was t-shirt weather after a week of storms and a very pleasant way to spend the afternoon, despite the erratic behavoir of NN who at one point had to be pushed away from the barbace because he was about to set his arse on fire.
got to go so thats it for now
its not been a great start to 2008 so far.
More so more some than others. I guess by now most people know about Steve ansd Irmi's accident last Saturday. For anyone who doesn't, they collided with a cement truck on the road just after Agia Irini around 3 in the afternoon and got helicoptered to athens. Irmi is ok , just cuts bruises and a big dose of shock. Steve is ok too now but still in hospital where he's going to be for a while having his jaw re-built. I don't want to sound too dramatic because we don't really know all the details yet.
The good news is that both of them are okay and they have somewhere to stay, and people like Bruce and Sophy around them who are helping with all the greek stuff.
But not the best start to their new lives ,which prior to Saturday had seemed to be going so well..
So, best wishes for a speedy recovery to them both.
it's day four in my not drinking month, and the mere fact that i'm sitting here typing this is evidence enough that i haven't got got that far.
i was doing really well ,and then yesterday was dimitris 40th birthday.So i had a whiskey, and then a metaxaxa, some beers, a glass of wine , a gin or two, and a stupendous hangover.
so today , as it was irmie's first night working at remmezzooooooooo, i had a beer or two, and now i am here writing this.
nothing much to say. Apart from being very shocked by the guy who owns the buliding in which i work,( not dimitris, my boss,) asking me if i had some gay porn he could watch.
The guy lives with his girlfriend, who has gone away for a few days .......... and is in his late 50's and looks like a ducks arse would if it had been a smackhead hippy in the 70's.
I looked kind of of nonplussed, and told told him no, l i didn't have any.
But when we get the internet connection in Pebbles i will download some for him.
On dimitri's computer.
HOHOHO.
That should be fun.
Sorry but the guy is in his late fifties, comes in the bar every day, doesn't pay, spends an hour or so annoying me , and now he wants we to give him gay porn.
methinks not.
oh, and death to donkey john/ jabba/ large toady monster with rupert the bear scarf.
yeah that cunt
i lieu of an entry here is something from my hero mr charlie brooker:
It must be great being a rock star. Never mind the money and the drugs, what about all the blowjobs? Fans queue up, open-mouthed, shuffling slowly forward on their knees, dumbly pointing at their own lips and pleading with their eyes, like they've been poisoned and you're full of antidote. That's not empty conjecture - that happens. It's happened to every rock star ever, with the possible exception of Chris De Burgh, although I dare say there's been the odd moment when his monobrow's arched with grubby ecstacy backstage.
ugh
tuesday 11th Dec
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4th jan 2008
Wow i have been lazy. I can't believe its been almost a month since i last wrote something. Ah well it was Christmas.
And i was in Athens.
I left here on the 17th and despite initial misgivings it was most definately the right thing to do even though I managed to get through all of my IKA cheque . And more.
Mommy was only open fri/sat/sun afternoons for which they already have a Dj. They did open xmas eve, but then closed the following Friday so there weren't even any extra days for me to pick up.By the first weekend i was in Athens though i was not only resigned to this I was thinking it was a good thing because i can't remember the last time i had even a week without working let alone 10 days. It didn't stop me spending however and by the time of Sophy's birthday i had done in all the money i took with me. Luckily Sophy gave me the money she owed me and i had something to come back with, if not quite enough to pay the rent but ah well , I'm back at work again today, hence the update.
So... Athina....
Well to be honest i didn't really do that much. I met the bloke I had arranged to, and came to the conclusion that while Internet dating sometimes works ( Yani from Saloniki) , often it doesn't, ( umm the bloke I met on the Friday before Christmas). The thing that saved the night was that as he phoned to say he was going to be late , I went wandering around Monastiraki and found a shop that sold brand new 501's for 30e. I bought 4.
It turns out they are not genuine but so what. Or so I thought until while out with Nikos (Jim Carrey/ Mr Spock), the top button popped off and i had to walk around all night with a straw tying the top of my trousers together.
This was also the night that led into Sophy's birthday and i was supposed to go to Mommy around 1 am.
Suddenly it was 4 am.
Shit.
Oh dear.
I walked back to her house and burst in on her and four or five friends , nearly fell over lots and was sent to bed.
The next day sophy was busy polishing everything in sight in preparation for friends coming round, so after asking if there was anything i could do to help and being told "no", I went for a walk to clear my head just as the cat was being shampooed, sat down ,had a beer and mentally prepared myself to sit around the table with lots of people i barely knew, but that i had possibly drunkenly stumbled over the previous evening.
I plucked up the courage after drinking another beer and went back to house which was already full of people, and after an initial blank moment realised that i knew everyone there.
Which was nice.
After another three hours or so though, and a shitload of god's dandruff, I started to feel a little like a spare part and not wanting Sophy to feel like she had to be the good shepherd on her birthday i went to meet a friend, while everyone back at the house apparently got thoroughly shitfaced and then headed off to mommy where i was to meet them all later. But despite a massive guilt trip for not going i had a nasty headache and went home. It turned out that not that many other people went either and so i felt really guilty, but if i had gone I would have just been in the way anyway so still I feel it was the right decision. Fuck i had a headache nearly every day in Athens except wierdly the day i got hammered. I still haven't worked out whether it was the pollution or what. Originally i put those days down to the god's dandruff but then i remembered it had been almost every day. Bloody fressh air . It sucks. Fucks you for the real world. No picking your nose and eating it in Athens. Snot as black as Donkey John's soul.
The other day of note would be when Irmie and Steve arrived. At 2am. Finally.
The good thing was that Sophy had managed to get out of work early and so was back at the house mere moments before their taxi pulled up.
After lots of hugging , kissing, and the like we settled down. Then the magic coffee jar appeared and suddenly we weren't settled down anymore. There was dancing , laughing, shouting , drinking and general jollyness all round.
Wigs were produced, silliness encouraged, and three hundred photogaphs taken.
Round about 9am i seem to have stopped remembering events and then suddenly it was time to wake the Picarde's up for their ferry, Sophy having long since left for work.
At the port we met Giddy and had a beer. Then Imie had a little panic and they rushed off for the ferry that wasn't due to leave for another 25 minutes. I went home, and i think, went to bed.
So by the time i woke up it was Christmas eve and I went out shopping for the camera i had seen that was to be Sophy's xmas/birthday present. Unfortunately the first Germanos i found didn't have it and Carreforre was doing a nice line in camers's that they had on the shelves but not for sale. Also in DVD players.
Can i have that one please?
No, we havent got that.
Ok, that one.
No we dont have that one either.
OK, can i take the one on display as I can see its box above and i don't mind it having been on display?
No , certainly not strange man with two heads and no understanding of retail in Greece. After all, that would mean that when we get new stock in we would have to actually get another one out and put it on the shelf. But you can take that one, It doesn't play half the stuff you want it to and it costs seven times as much but we have that one in stock.
Yeah i wonder why that is then.
Eventually i found another Germanos with the camera i was looking for, got royally ripped off for the accompanying memory card, and then undercharged for the actual camera itself. So all was well in the end. Ecept for my mood which had by this time descended into that of christmas eve shoppers everywhere. My mood i suspect was more down to the shennanigans of the night that Irmi and Steve arrived than Christmas shopping but that at the time doesn't make you feel any better.
I stayed in that night, sulked with a bottle of beer or two and then when sophy marianthi and harris came round sat and had a drink with them before heading off to bed refusing all offers of mood enhancing substances reasoning that it wouldn't be much fun trying to sleep afterwards and not even considering going out like the miserable comedown king i was.
Around eight they all came back, i tossed and turned for an hour and then got up and joined in the fun. By this time there was just Marianthi, her boyfriend , Sophy , an ever decreasing supply of alcohol and a seemingly endless supply of Gods dandruff.
It did end a couple of times but Santa kept coming round and replenishing it. And all was well. Even when i had to go out and find alcohol supplies. Actually i enjoyed that , if not most the glee of arriving back at the house each time with a fresh supply of bottles after being told that were no shops open as "its fucking christmas day you stupid cunt".
Ah but you see i know these things.
Anyway, i vaguely remember going to bed around 6 or seven. There are photos on facebook. In fact all of the above wibbling has the visuals to accompany it on Facebook. Or at least it will whenever i get around to putting the photo's up there.
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So that was Christmas.
by this point i was quicly running out of money and despite Sophy giving me the money she owed me, I knew that if i stayed in athens for the NY, i would arrive back here unable to pay the rent, and eating packets of yum yum noodles for the next month.
So i came back and whilst imediately regretting that decision when I got off the boat with "everyday is like sunday, in this seaside town that they forgot to close down", and "this town is coming like a ghost town" fighting for spremecy as the annoying tune that was going round and round in my head, by the next morning I was quite happy to be here.
Unfortunately and against my better judgement, Irmy persuaded me to go to Remezzo for the New Year.
It was all good and well and then off course fucking Donkey John had a go mere moments into the New Year. Even on that day of all days he had to prove himself, yet again the ass that we all know he is. Cutting a long story short, probably because i can't remember the details, other than that everyone in there was as disgusted by him as I was, I left. I came to pebbles and then me and Dimitris went to Cumbia which was fun. The place was packed and the atmosphere good and the people cool, and most importantly there was no fucking Donkey John.
Then we went to The Gallery where my memoery gets even foggier and then at some point i went home, forgot to drink a bucket of water, and spent the next day shivering under my duvet, so breaking my run of un-hungover New Years Days.
Since then, suprisingly, not much has happened. I've seen Irmy and Steve a couple of times, I'm back sitting in Pebbles in the afternoons, watched a hell of a lot of telly, downloaded even more, hatched an evil plan to humiliate Donkey John, (A book of childrens stories about John the Donkey, illustrated by Gail and sure to become a bestseller), and am generally settling back into a lifestyle of doing nothing while working up the energy to start going to the gym again and stop smoking.Oh, and cooking curries that i don't want when thery're ready so replenishing the totally depleted stocks of unmarked butter tubs full of something that reside in my freezer.
And thats it for now so hopefully i will remember to uplaod this in a short while and maybe even the facebook photo's too.
tuesday 11th Dec
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Its about 7.09 pm (well obviously it's pm not am), and Arsenis has just sauntered into the bar looking like a cross between a geriatric "Oliver" and a pantomine version of Zorba the Greek. I thought that particular loonie had long since been seen the back of. But no. He is back. If it weren't because of Christmas i don't think I'd have given him the espresso he's currently nursing while I studiously ignore him.
That, and not having quite taken my wages yet.
My last experience of him was one day in the spring when i had to throw him out for shouting at the wall, the gate, and the table.
That is if you don't count the times he has swung into the internet cafe , seen me, and beaten a hasty retreat.
Fucking chancer . Giorgos must have served him and so now he thinks he's back in. Lets see what happens when he sees the price of the coffee.
Only a week to go until the bright lights of the big city so at least Giorgos and Dimitris will be left to deal him boring all the customers away with his whinging about how he has no money, and his mother cooks him prawns that are too small, and that Albanians have cars and he doesn't, and and and.
And, a fucking shower might be in order.
In other news the students have all left. I was pleased to see that Marina bought the one piece of art that actually stood out from the mostly mediocre twaddle that passed for their end of term exhibition. A brilliant colour photograph of an old gypsy woman, (maybe Arsenis's mother out to buy too small shrimps) scowling at a downtrodden man in Monastiraki metro station.
Where I will be oh so soon.
Then i might have something nice to say.
Especially as Mr and Mrs Jean-Luc will be arriving on the 22nd
Which I'm quite looking forward to.
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Tuesday 27th November.
It seems i spoke too soon about having rid the bar of Dirty Kostas as he is currently slouched outside giving the drunk girl, ( his girlfriend?), the evils and scowling away whilst doing his Jesus on heroin impression. He's again not happy with me as i told go and buy his own when he asked for a cigarette.
Yeah ok you can have a cigarette as soon as you having a fucking wash .
Now unfortunately we have two tourists sitting out there on the balcony too, which means i have had to go out twice already and tell the dirty twat to stop shouting at the drunk junkie girl. Thankfully the tourists are foreign so at least they can't understand the gibberish spilling out of his foul gob. The meaning is though all too apparent. I'm just wondering how much longer i can leave it before i have to tell him to fuck off and not come back. Maybe i could go smoke three fags in front him blowing smoke over him all the while.
The fun bit is when they try and not pay, especially because i haven't forgotten about the money he still owes from last time.
Wanker.
At least Mad Vasillis spends some money in here. Notably these days on Amaretto.
Which is a bit of a big girls drink .
Time for a Malibu and pineapple then.........................
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WEDNESDAY 28th 4.22 pm
I forgot to mention that sellotape man is also back .At the moment I'm sitting with my back to him as he strokes his big red sellotape dispenser making a noise that sounds like rotten leaves being sucked up a vacuum cleaners spout. It's actually a little disturbing and every time a song finishes it gets really loud and almost impossible to not look.
Dirty Kostas stayed all evening yesterday. He was still slumped in a corner when i came back to get my helmet but the disturbing thing was that the nice Italian girl who has taken to coming in here was sitting with him.Is she insane?
Shit the cd is finishing , better find a new one without any breaks and turn it up a bit.
It didn't work. He's just gurgling, if that noise can be described as gurgling, a bit louder to compensate. It sounds like something really nasty slithering towards me.
Great, now he's taken to belching too.
Just turned the music right up because it was really starting to un-nerve me. It really did sound like it was getting closer and closer.
Its that time of year again when the freaks and nutters outnumber everyone else.
So far this week i've had a mad Italian woman who recogned she was a tour guide in Italy one minute, buying a house in Naoussa the next, because thats where her business is, and the next had been having an affair with an egyptian fisherman since September despite only being here on a two week holiday. She has been followed, in no particular order by a nutjob from a village near delphi, who spent the last 15 years on cyprus and told me not to worry about dying because life goes on. He knows from the last time it happened. Also some twat from Athens who owns a factory or something. This one drank the best part of a bottle of Jamiesons yesterday afternoon and then pissed all over the bathroom before demolishing the btables and chairs on the balcony.
Added to that there have been the local wierdoes like Arsenis who has taken to coming in every afternoon around 4 for a piss, Dirty Kostas who just won't fucking go away and Kostas (IZU), who comes in gets twatted every afternoon before telling me how he is going to live in Paris for a year and then kicking off about the price of the premium brandy or whisky he has spent the last three weeks downing.
Oh and Big Fat Fucking Clare has been in this afternoon for a long winded shouty loud rant about who fucking knows what.
Yes it's winter on Paros once again.
Anyway at least i seem to have got rid of dirty kostas after i told him no he couldn't have a cigarette, he should just fucking buy some like everyone else has to.
Amusingly , i also heard this week that the Greek Association of Mental Health Proffesionals has chosen Paros as the venue for a conference. Well they won't have much to talk about then.
Maybe they are not psychiatrists and the like, but a group of proffesionaly mental Greek people. In which case it will be like a home from home for them here.
Now that enough time has passed maybe it's time to tell the tale of what happened ten days ago or so.
It was a Friday night and there had been nothing special about it, but i was still out at around 1am. I decided on a souvlaki and dutifully pushed the bike all the way down the one way part of the seafront, got my takeaway and started to eat it before deciding it was a bit a cold and i'd rather be sitting in frnt of the TV.
Just as i was wonderfing whether i could risk going by chaos corner, and even if the bike would make it up the hill, out jumped a policewoman and flagged me down.
Shit, i thought, especially when the "I'm sorry do you speak english ?" line didn't seem to be working. Luckily they were doing some other guy at the time so i just stood waiting.
"He knows a little Greek though don't you?' said the older copper turning away from the kid he was busy nicking.
"um a little" i answered thinking bollocks i understood when they asked for my papers and sais i didn't have any.
"Lets see if he understands alcotest" he said in Greek to the woman copper who by this point was back in the street leaping out at other motorbikes , which all failed to stop. Why the fuck didn't i just do that i was thinking. They were both out of the car . I would have been well away by the time they got in the car and round the corner.
Then i noticed neither of them were looking at me , debated my options for what seemed like an hour, made sure no-one was watching, grabbed the bag off the bikes handlebars and legged it off round the back of the big church.
At this point i really started to shit myself, now i had added running away from the police to being a bit pissed , not wearing a helmet, not having a driving licence, registration, insurance, or any papers at all , even ID. Then it sank in i'd just told them that no i hadn't been drinking i had been working in the internet cafe so they would know where to find the drunk foreigner that had just runaway leaving his motorbike in parked next to their cop car.
The only good bit of news at this point was that the bikes plates are so rusty you cant read them anyway, and that even if you could i've never got around to putting it into my name.
So i waited and watched from further up the main road to see what they were going to do. Thankfully i saw them get in the car and drive off after a few minutes so i went back and got the bike and drove home , taking care to use only side streets as much as possible. I got in the door and sat and shook for hours before finally drifting off a sleep filled withdreams of what was going to happen next.
Saturday i didn't go out of the house all day untill 6 when i had to go to the internet cafe , reasoning that if Marta hadn't already called to say the police were looking for me then they probably wouldn't, and anyway if they were looking, just being shut that night wouldn't put them off. I sat in the cafe that night crapping myself everytime anyone walked in. Fear got the best of me around 8 and i shut. Then i skulked off home through the back streets and involuntarily looking at the ground everytime anyone i didn't know looked in my direction. Looking, in short every inch the proper criminal.
I got home and didnt go out again until Monday when i spent the whole day again in fear of them coming to get me.Tuesday i was a bit less afraid and Wednesday less so again and by today i think i will probably be Ok but I'm still very nervous of riding the bike , having only done so last friday night for the 1st time and even now not daring to bring it any closer to town than opposite the post office.
Time to get a pushbike.
It looks like winter is finally arriving. There's a cold wind, white tufts on the sea and Donkey john is taking up one side of the inside of Remezzo with his arse. All clear signs of the coming season. Stiil got weird french puffs ordering mango mikshakes though so a full-on Paros winter hasn't arrived just yet.
Obviously things have quietened down here and nearly everyone who is going has left. Which means that Mad vasillis is starting to come back in pebbles again. This is a part of winter here that i really do not enjoy, sitting with a red eyed sem-lunatic for an hour every day having never been high on my list of lifetime must-do's.
I'm still working at Alga but for how long I've no idea. Thursday was quite busy and Friday okay, but i hear, Saturday dead, so who knows how long Lambros will give it before he decides to shut up shop until Easter. Or get someone who plays Greek music.
Of course it could just be that we are going through those "inbetween" days" Yup. Inbetween summer and next summer.
Outside my house is now being landscaped. Apparently. This does mean that the bloody Abanians builders that woke me up every day have now gone thank god. It also means that i have an excuse not to clean the balcony as there are great clouds of dust flying around. Anyway it's bound to rain soon and all the dust will just wash away by itself. Or turn to thick brown solid mud that will have to be chiseled off the floor.By this time next year though i should have a view filled with trees and flowers instead of great piles of rocks and mounds of grey dust.
And that's it for now. I guess the next day of any importance will be Halloween, which for Sophy and Gaynor's benefit will be this year be happening on Halloween, the same as usual.
Good, plenty of time to watch crappy tv I've downloaded.
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OK, its the day after now ,Wednesday, or, as it seems to be, fucking crazy wierdo day.
So far the only customers who have been in here are two very loud Australians (I know, I know, thats like saying very watery sea.) who got in a big huff because we are not serving taverna food. In a coffee shop. They were followed by three twats from germany or somewhere unpleasant like that , one of which had a pair of 1st world war style pilot goggles strapped round his wizzened ugly face, who threw a wobbler because ,1; they couldn't have Mythos , and 2; we only have small beers and so couldn't share one between the three of them.
"ok then we will leave"
See you. Tara. Toodlepip. Hurry back.
So now there are three strange Greek women who have definately had a meeting with the man from lala land. They must be new teachers.
"Ti tha paro?"
How the fuck should i know you dippy over made up twat?
They are now on their third table, having complained it is too cold out of the sun and too hot in it.
And? Should i just phone up god and ask him to turn the wind down? Ok just a minute then.Nope sorry, He says no.
i was hoping the nice greek guy who has just moved here for his first winter after living in manchester for the last few years was going to come by again. But no, just daft twittering greek birds with matching Jackie O sunglasses and half the stock of the Hondos centre on their faces.
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THURSDAY>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I was right about the three mad women. They are teachers, well two of them anyway, and of course the most sane one was the non-teacher.
Now, i am sure winter is here, as despite today being warm and sunny, and yesterday evening being quite busy, people ordering kiwi daquiri's and melon mohito's, (we had run out of virtually every other kind of fruit), the winter nutter quota is starting to arrive. Just now i am being treated to the audio delights of sellotape man belching away behind me. And still carrying his sellotape dispenser. This year he has traded in the old slightly scabby red one for a brand new beige model which he is now lovingly carressing as i try desperately not to catch his eye.
I don't know if i am working in Alga tonight as nothing was said last week when i asked if i could leave early. I say early but that meant 3.45 on Thursday night and 5.30 on the Friday. Since then though i've had no contact despite just phoning to see what the score is. I'm kind of hoping he's not going to call back but we will see. I guess i will be happy either way as the money would come in useful but so would the extra hours not playing music to an empty room.
Ah good sellotape man has just lurched off so I'm going to sit outside in the warm October sunshine and read my book.
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FRIDAY.............................................................
I know i've been wibbling on about this all week but today really does have that last day of summer feel. This of course means that its going to piss it down tomorrow so no day off spent on the beach. Unless i want to sink into it.
in some ways this is a good thing because with the state of my poor motorbike its difficult to go far, and as Petros has just told me the main sewerage pipe for Parikia is now flowing freely into the sea outside Aktaia because some dumb arse broke through the pipe, the weekend doesn't exactly seem like the time to bathing in the waters around Parikia.Hmm the TV beckons1
So today in Pebbles has been quite uneventful, if you discount the bleached saga club that have just been in for their "REET" strong gin and tonics.
"eeh love are you tryin to get me wasted? ah don't know what a lad like you wud mak of me if i got only a little more drunk than is is going to mak me?
I do. Fucking mincemeat.
So now i know what Blackpool landladies do in the winter.
i did work in Alga last night, and all four customers had a whale of a time.
As i worked last night then i was a little sensitive this morning and rather short of patience. I 'm not sure that Mai(poncy cunt)Tei was very happy when i told her to pay her bill. But I am sure that when Marta notices she has not only not paid it but added to it the sparks will fly.
HEE HEE. He says gleefully rubbing his hands together.....................................
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MONDAY
So of course i forgot to upload all this on Saturday night, well actually i hadn't got round to it when we had a blackout. Then i forgot.
Saturday was another of those days when everything happens all at once, although this time, nothing on a personal level. No, Saturday was disaster day, albeit on luckily a quite small scale. So more of a unleasant happening day, but that doesn't have such a good ring to it.
We had a fire on the mountain, (which was also the name my new favourite song last week although i'm bored of it now ), then hurricane force winds which didn't help the fire situation much. Then the heavens opened and dumped so much water on the island that the market street was six inches deep in water within minutes, and handily putting out the, by this time blazing inferno. Of course the power the went out and thats my excuse for not posting this earlier.
Oh and Giddy Gaynor chose this weekend to pop down for an Autumn break. Hohoho.
Oh, and to refer back to friday, well i was at aktaia yesterday and i have never seen the sea or the beach there look as they did yesterday. The water was a beep brown and there was crap about 6 inches deep and a a foot wide strewn all along the edge of the sea. It looked like the banks of the Ganges, or maybe even the Thames.Utterly disgusting. I took some pictures but only with my mobile so i don't know how they came out cos the screen is too bloody small and dim to see.
One old dear was swimming it though. Bleuurgh
Also i should add that today is soooooo windy all the chairs outside are blowing over and now ive got three fat greek pigs complaining about it. well ok dont fucking sit there then you stupid fat loud shouty ugly spotty cunts
so what to tell?
its friday again so thank the lord i dont have to put up with fucking dimitris again for two days after today. Yesterday he pushed me to the point of walking out. it was only the fact that in a week or so i get a weeks holiday that stopped me. And that he still hasn't given me the rest of my xmas money, or obviously my holiday pay , and that he has to pay another months IKA or i won't get it through the winter.
So a few good reasons not to tell him what a fucking cunt he can be, and join the evergrowing group of people who have worked at pebbles and whould like to kill Dimitris Vayopolis.
Yes its a bad day today.
Not only was the afore mentioned cunt back on toptwat form last night but Marta has been having one of her periodic tantrums about why why our computer is having problems. And as usual it seems to be her view that it's because of the downloading. Just like last time she a proper wobbler for the same reasons, only to discover that the computer was thick with moisture encrusted dust. Which again it was today. So after she stops throwing all her toys out of the pram and taks it to the shop to get fixed we will have to wait and see if she does the humble pie thing all over again.
The way she carries on its like she has to carry a JCB to Africa, not a computer to her car and then the shop thats five minutes drive up the road. A bit like when she has her monthly moan about how tired she is and how diffcult it is to work 25 hours a week. Or more acurately to have to sit outside in the street and drink coffee and wine as she is never in the bloody shop anyway.
So now that I've whinged about two of my bosses it's time to move on to the third one who, i have to say, is one of the nicest people I have ever met. He does what he says he is going to, pays what he agreed to, is polite, funny,says thank you (a big deal for a boss on Paros), and even has good taste in music. Makes me drink a few too many shots but that's something i can live with.
But i'm still fucking sick of being woken up at eight every morning by bastard albanian builders.
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And now its the following Thursday and I'm in a much better mood despite another week of being woken up by the bloody builders at 8 am every morning.
Often i moan about how nothing ever seems to happen here. Well yesterday that certainly wasn't the case. Of course the day started as usual with the early morning pile driver alarm call, (after 2 hours sleep as i didn't get out of Alga until 5.30) and after a quick grumble i got up, pulled the chewed up toilet paper out of my ears and went to the internet cafe.
In walked howdie doodie who is still as fucking potty as ever.
"Hey peace and love man. Peace and love"
I'll give you peace and love you whacked out acid casualty.
Next stop was of course Pebbles where Dee was sat nursing a heinekein and celebrating the the mornings events which seem to have left her free from all the financial worries she has been through since Giorgos's death. It was good to see her so happy and free of the burden she's been carrying around for the last four years. And thank fuck she was there because in walked one of the classic Paros freaks. It was obvious from the moment he sat down he was one of the old school foreign junky weirdos of the french michelle school. His face looked like a badly mishapen muppet's and his skin had that waxy sheen that all the best junkies aspire to but, and despite the fact that he ordered a vodka and lemon at 2.30 in the afternoon, i was nice to him. Sort of. Pleasant anyway. Obviously too much so as 3 minutes later he picked up his glass and came inside, weaved around the bar for a while and then asked if we were having a private conversation because he was very drunk and just wanted to be with people.Dee politely told him that yes , sorry, but it was a private conversation. So he sat down next to her and starting spouting shit at us. For the next ten minutes or so we monsyllabically answered his inane comments and then i started to lose it and pointed out that he had actually asked if he could join us and been told no so could he just leave us alone as we were talking about private matters.
"Why are you being so aggressive, I am your guest in here, you are supposed to be nice to your guests, here talk to my friend in English, say something in english".
He pointed his phone at me. I declined and he insisted again.
"Say something in English"
"What?, oh just go away. Can't you see we don't want to talk to you"
"you are very aggressive,I want to speak the owner, my friend Dimitris.I will tell him how rude you have been, you should be good with your guests , I am a guest"
"yes and an unwelcome one"
"why are you so aggressive"
"because you are very drunk and will not leave us alone"
"i am not drunk and i will tell Dimitis"
"you just said you are very drunk, and would you like me to call the owner and see what he says?"
He went out on the balcony then for a while. Dee and i continued talking more for the sake of talking than because we actually really had anything to say, and this way we could at least keep him at bay.
What Dee couldnt see as she had her back to the balcony was that he had now started freaky dancing to the radio.
"I'm a proffessional salsa dancer. Do you Salsa?
Dee said "No".
"i'd like to be anyway" he replied, as he lurched around Dee's back.
We started to talk about her plans and possible outcomes of the inheritance battle.
"Land , its 40 euros a strematta, I can help you, with my uncle, you are looking to buy land ?"
"No thank you"
"Why are you so aggressive?"
"Because you are intruding on a private conversation about matters that do not concern you. You asked if you could sit with us. We told you no. You are clearly completely drunk or off your head on something else. if you dont sit down and stop bothering us I will ask you to leave.
"I am not drunk and i will not leave"
'Do you want me to call the police to get rid of you?"
He sat down and mumbled something, waved his arms around for a while and pulled out his moblie again, pretended to be talking to someone for a while and then thrust it in Dee's face.
"lovely", she said and ignored him again.
This went on and on for the next hour or so until i took his glass off him and told him to get out.
"Why? I am a guest here"
'Not anymore , now leave you are not welcome in this bar and you are so drunk i should't have served you anything in the first place."
Ok i will have a coffee or a water or something"
'No you won't. Now leave or I will call the police to come and take you away. You are not welcome in this bar. Go"
Again, this exchange went on and on but eventually he did leave.
And came back about an hour later.
He sat at the same barstool and expected me to give him something to drink. I told him "get out, You are not welcome. Now go or i will call the police".
"Call the police then" he said, calling my bluff.
I was on the way to picking up the phone when something snapped and i lost it. I went out of the bar and told him to go or i'd throw him out. He didnt budge so i picked him up, kicked over the barstool , dragged him out into the street and threw him on the ground in front of about ten people.
That shut him up, but he picked himself up and stood leaning on the wall by the gate staring in for the next twenty minutes or so eventually thankfully leaving. I must admit i was a bit worried he might come back with a knife or something, but i was also well aware I had dee's big beefy boyfriend sitting in the bar if he did attempt anything.
Anyway he didnt come back until much later when i had already left. I dont know yet what he said to Dimitris but i do know that it ended with Dimitris telling him to fuck off and throwing him out himself. Also there are reports he was in Karens , where he also didn't pay for his drinks and stole Nikola's glass of wine from the table.
I wonder if thats the end of things or whether he will pop up again. Unfortunately i fear the latter.
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So where was I?
Its about ten days later now. Ahh, yes, the weird day where lots happened.......
Later that night my friend Alison was due to arrive and in a brief interlude from working I went to meet her at the port. The boat came in , i hid as usual, and as usual crept up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder
"miss miss you want room?"
"No, no" she snapped and then realised it was me. We hugged and then a familiar voice said "What , youre not going to say hello to me then?
And there was Dave Grindle, my oldest friend. To say i was a bit suprised would be understating the situation slightly. Apparently i did a proper cartoon style double take and then gave him a big hug too.
So thats why i haven't written anything for a week or so , because i've been up to badness with my friends. I hope they enjoyed their week here despite the crappy weather. 6 days on Paros and three of them were cold, cloudy and windy, the first bad weather we have had since june. Ah well. Anyway they left last Wednesday and then i actually had three days without any work at all. 9 days off from pebbles, 6 from the internet cafe and 6 from Alga, but i still only managed 3 whole days without work of any variety. Never mind i do feel a lot more relaxed at being back, being nice to nearly dead french hummers.
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And finally , i have to put in a little mention of CPT who last friday was heard telling some random bloke in Karen's "Its alright i dont want to fuck you, I just want to lick your arsehole".
There's another funny story about him too but as Irmy has been known to read this i think i'll save that one for another day. Suffice to say the girls at Remezzo are not overly impressed with his posturing.
Argh. I'm in pebbles again. Its round about 6pm. This means I've now been without sleep since 7am ysterday when the bulldozer woke me up as it was gouging a bloody great hole out of the land underneath my bedroom window.
Then i worked both in Pebbles and Alga, which was curiously busy as there are now no people around. So busy in fact that i left at 5.58am. I got home around 6.30 and went to bed to be woken up by some fat ugly cunt drilling into the wall that the bulldozer had previously exposed. so i got up, hence why i know the bloke with the drill was both fat and ugly although if it had been Brad Pitt destroying the peace at 7am I wouldn't exactly have been pleased to have seen him either. Then Vangelis, my landlord arrived and offered me his house to sleep in.
Yeah okay right! there would still be all the bloody noise but it would be a little further away, and it wouldn't be my house. I had a shower and went down to the interenet cafe but couldn't sleep. Especially as Karen kept bursting in to try and catch me out while i was trying to sleep, not look at porn. Then the door burst open one last time and i shouted " oh fuck off... what?"
But it was Giorgos. Who isn't speaking to me for some reason best known to himself, in fact only to himself. And truthfully i can't be arsed anymore. Fuck him. Wanker. But that probably wasn't the best way to greet him as he arrived in the morning to find me facedown behind the computer.
So anyway. I'm now fucking exhausted and grumpy and not in the mood for making bloody Miatey her stupid pretentious coffee. Freddo maciatto. Stick it up your arse you mad cunt.
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And once more I'm sitting in pebbles and once more its the day after i played in Alga. Today i only got woken up at 12 by the hammering, which i guess is fair enough.
Alga was dead dead dead last night. No-one at all came in before about three when gaynor wobbled in pissed out her head and tried to dance on the chairs in front of the dj box. I was wondering why we were still open when in minced panagiotis the clothes shop owner,and then slowly slowly the owners of every coffee shop on the seafront. And so the music played on.
And on
And on.
Eventually Lambros took over and said i could go home. Ive changed my mind. I dont want to dj there next year. Not untill 5.30 every night anyway.
Today its been the annual outing for the nice but dim club.
"I'd like a Banana Split but could i have it without pineapple?'
"Certainly. I can make it without peach and apple too if you would like''.
HUH?
"How do i get down to the seafront?"
"Take the steps you just crossed on the way in here"
"Oh so i can't go down through here?" said the stupid lady looking at a row of tables and a wall,with no obvious gap that could be hiding the secret stairs that we only allow VIP's to use.
"Um. No thicky!"
Alex had a little leaving bash last night as he is off to Australia today for the birth of child No 4. The food was great , there were loads of people and I had great fun winding up Marina that I had told Graham what she had said about him. Namely that if he lost some weight and got his hair cut he would be quite attractive. (yeah and didn't have a red waxy face, a voice like David Beckham and a personality that could make glaciers retreat).
Then when i was standing next to him later I got him to wave at her....Mortified merely beginds to describe the look on her face. Heehee.
Also Tina is back for a month and Pete comes at the weekend. Hurrah. And I'm getting a holiday , and my friend Alison is coming Hurrah Hurrah.
This was the week that Greece burned. The pictures on the TV were pretty frightening and the devastation is beyond comprehension, over two and a half million hectares burnt. Not knowing what a hectare is, I still imagine thats a an awful lot of land thats now worthless to anyone except the scum who paid the twats to set the fires. Thankfully the winds have now dropped but we are in for yet another heatwave which isn't going to exactly help matters.Or my mood come to think of it.
It's the 1st of September tomorrow and I've managed to save over the summer................. exactly nothing. I most definately will not be doing this again next year.I get bored stiff, pissed off and then go home with bugger all. Not exactly the job of my dreams.
but enough moaning as it's Saturday avrio and so i'll at least be able to go to the beach and lets the sun burn all my grumpiness away. That is of course if my dear old motorbike has been fixed. It conked out finally on the way home last night after a summer of threatning to do so, and I'm a little afraid that this time it may be en-route to the great scrapyard in the sky. (actually the one behind the bikeshop but ...) Either way its going to cost a fortune, either to fix or replace, so someone is going to have to cough up some of the money I'm owed and I can't see it being Sophy as I don't think she has any, which leaves Dimitris who still owes me half my christmas money, not to mention the easter bonus or my holiday money.
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OK, now its monday and the bike finally got looked at on Saturday. The guy changed the spark plug, and it roared. John and i had already done that a couple of weeks earlier though. Still, it worked. And then ran out of petrol about 30 m up the road, at which point i had to do the flintstone motorbike thing until i was out of sight of the shop because i was to embarassed to go back. the thing is it had petrol in it when i left it there so either someone syphoned it or the bike has a leak and therefore yet another problem. Anyway John brought me some petrol down and off i roared to the station to get some more. Everything worked fine. Hurray , its fixed , it works properly again i thought.
Until i tried to drive home later that night and it was back to doing the going just fast enough to stay upright thing. So i guess its back to the menders and the large bill thingie. SHITE!
Sophy has now left and i feel a bit guilty for not going out with her last night while she waited for the ferry , but i couldn't face the thought of a 20 minute trundle in to town at midnight and then the same back again an hour later especially as the police are now nicking everything that moves at the time of night, probably to pay for the fires, which apparently are still not all out.Anyway despite "not having a late one" on saturday night i still ended up having a hangover sunday and didnt get to the beach until 3.30, and even then with a very sore head which may well have been the result of drinking gin , beer, wine, suma and vodka while i went out with Sophy for a quite one .
Yeah right, 6 am in the port drinking beer. very quiet staid night out that one was.
A disturbing memeory of Vanessa in Alga just came back to me. Not only was i dancing to George Micheal (suma, gin , wine, vodka and beer remember) but she kept doing this wierd thing where she would turn round and jiggle her bum at me like a dog on heat, and back up on me , like a dog on heat.
I think the next commment is so obvious its not necessary to make it.
I'm working there again tonight. so no doubt she'll be there wiggling her arse later and shouting KIRKY whenever i play a tune she likes , and ANDY, ANDY ELLA REH ANDY when i play something she doesn't.
Now I'm sitting pebbles with no customers. (HURRAY). I'm astounded at how quickly the island emptied because the mass exodus didn't seem to be happening this uear. Until Thursday night it seems, when an invisble Pied Piper obviously visited every hotel and bar in town and lead them all onto a ferry, or off the top of a cliff or something.Obviously i favour the latter option as the late August people this year were relly not all that nice. The American woman who fell asleep behind the piano in here one day last week being the perfect example.
"I have 144 rose bushes and a house with 4 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms and 100 acres and and and and"
And fucking shut yer gob. Pity all that money couldnt have bought a decent plastic surgeon as she looked like Jack Nicholsons Joker, but an anorexic slightly female version.
Time for a beer i think.
The night at Alga went very well it seems. I don't know , sometimes when I think I've played a blinder people say "well it was okay", in other words shite, and other times when i thought it was shite , people tell me it was great. Last Sunday though, i thought I'd played well and i keep hearing from people who weren't there how good it was, so obviously someone has been singing my praises.
Which is nice.
But now time for my annual rant , which this year is a little late coming.
Fucking filthy Greek women.
Hover Pissing.
Dirty mucky beasts. They could at least wipe the seat after they've sprayed urine everywhere. The floor i can cope with but the walls and over the toilet itself.............. it drives me crazy.
but anyway all the shooshy hover pissers are nearly gone now.
But while I'm on this vein..................
Friday night I was (still) working in Pebbles about 8.30ish when i looked out of the gate and saw a little 2, 3 year old kid with her knickers down having a piss in the little street just behind the bar while her family looked contendedly on.
"what? she's not doing anything wrong" I got screamed at me by the family of ten or so pigs who live in a hovel 30 metres up the street.
"Yes she is , she is pissing in the street just outside the bar", I replied.
The next thing i knew there was a mad troglodyte having a fight with giorgos the waiter about how dare anyone say anything to him and his family "who have a house here" .
Yes we fucking know you filthy caveman and it's only 30 metres away so why is that little child pising in the street outside our bar.
Apparently as the bar plays music every night after 3.30 am (no it doesn't , thats karen) he was going to get us shut down.
Okay then ,, go on try. And then we will see what the police (whose boss drinks in here every night ) have to say about a family watching their child piss in the street and 15 people living in two dirty rooms built for a couple, and then causing a public spectacle that attracts all the neighbours ( who can't stand the pig family either).
Go on then....
I'll be putting fish sticks under their door all winter then.
And speaking of nasty tricks.............. I had forgotten all about the "other" use for eyedrops.... Hmmm donkey john beware!
Its that week again. The build up to the 15th of August starts here.I watched the news on greek TV last night and everyone was kicking off in Pireaus because they couldn't get tickets as the boats are all full. Its not like that happens every year at this time. At all. Stupid fucks. I can sympathise with the foreigners who maybe wouldn't know that during the first 2 weeks in August unless you are planning to go to somewhere like the little prison island just off the coast, (in which case i doubt you would have to pay your own way) , it's advisable to buy a ticket a few weeks earlier. The big fat fuckers who were doing all the screaming for the cameras have no such excuse though.
"But we've come all the way from blah blah blah, how were we supposed to know we had to get tickets in advance to the most popular holiday destinations, at the height of the tourist season, just after the hottest heatwave ever recorded in the country?
Hmm I wonder!.
Never mind, just sit and have another 20 cheese pies and a vat or two of ice cream dear. Thats what you would be doing on the islands anyway,and at least i can turn you off on the TV .
Yes August fever is well and truely with us all again.
Parikia isn't that busy though, unless you count the groups of gurgling french old folk. Naoussa is however, absolutely rammed and in the nightime even more so as the three buses an hour that go there and back are full with people squashed in like battery chickens. Then they get off the bus and discover that the cost of a round of drinks is more than they paid for their entire holiday so wander round gawping in the shops for three hours before catching an equally crammed bus back.
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Hurray its Thursday which means the beach is only one more day away. I got up early this morning with the best intentions of going for a swim but instead ending up watching coronation street on TV and eating wierd cardboard chicken. Of course the minute i got out of the house i regretted my laziness as today is boiling with no wind and so it would have been great to grab a few hours before coming here.. It seems most of the tourists agree as the shop has been empty all afternoon.
I'm a bit scared to go to Karens tonight as i had a row with her last night. Well she had a row with me , i think , because i was slagging off pedros the toad to Joanna and telling her what he had done last year. Which of course set karen off about The Dubliner and Yannako and , and, and. Anyway i won't be bringing up that subject again anytime soon. It was interesting to hear that I'm jealous of yanako though, and that's why i don't like The Dubliner.
Yes Karen that must be it........
She also had a bit of a go about dj-ing and how Pedro is such a good DJ and inferred that the reason I'm not working at Alga anymore is because I'm not.
So it was quite amusing this afternoon when Lambros from Alga phoned to ask me to work tonight and Sunday.
Ya boo sucks to that little theory then Kazza!
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oh the photo i just found but its too funny to not post. don't you just wish you could have been there?
Maxine left today along wth Aunty Jackie who, when she wasn't breaking my balls with her innane witterings wasn't actually such a bad old stick.
I'm feeling a bit rough at the moment as after finishing work at Alga last night,I went to Karens and had another beer. It was about 6am by this point and so after stopping off for some more beers at the port i thought it would be a good idea to go and say goodbye to the girls who were by now frantically throwing things in bags.Somehow i then manage to impale my forhead on a cactus spike which then wouldnt come out until Maxine gave it a very sharp tug.
I havent dared to look and see if there's a big hole in my head yet.
Well i just did and there isn't. Which is good.
Its still stupidly hot and so all week the customers have been sitting inside . Bastards. I can't sit on the internet all day if there are customers. At the moment there are four Greek girls who have been here for over three hours now. I don't get it. Why come all the way from Athens , pay a fortune for peak season accomodation and then sit in a coffee shop all day not talking to each other but calling all the friends in Athens that didnt come?
As i mentioned before, I was playing in Alga last night and it was quite good. We even had a few customers. Some even danced, although one of those kept asking me to play "greased lightening". At first i thought it was Vag trying to wind me up but i think the poor little fool was actually serious.He didn't look very happy when i laughed at him anyway.
Also, about three-ish some woman came up and grined madly at me. I smiled back nicely all the while thinking who the fuck are you mad woman. And then realised it was Ally , as in Dave Batty's wife. And there he was too. Luckily i was too busy djing so I didn't have to go and sit with them. That night when he tried to beat up Nickos outside Pebbles is still too fresh in my mind to go being all nicey nicey with them.
Hurray the Greek girls have put their phones down long enough to pay and now they look as if in half an hour or so they might be leaving.
So that it for now, time to tidy up before Grumpy gets back.
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Its now Monday and I'm once again back in delightful Pebbles thinking about how much i need a holiday. No doubt this will once again happen in october when all the boats to anywhere interesting will have stopped for the winter and i'm so pissed off i dont go anywhere anyway just to spite myself..
More and more Greeks every day. Funny that , being as I live on a Greek island.Thankfully, apart from the above mentioned mongy girls, most people are really nice, all the wankers these days head straight to Naoussa where there can spend all day on their mobiles, whilst sitting around a table of amazingly priced fredoccinos, or my current favourite, freddo cappaccinno without milk...
"um... don't you mean freddo espsresso"
" no.no , no espresso, freddo cappaccino without milk"
"oh ok then you fucking thick hillybilly twat".
"perhaps you would like it without espresso too".
Still not as bad as the IWOP (international women of paros) / (idiot whiners of paros) / (intelligence? where? on pluto?) cunts who one by one ordered the same thing by pointing and then saying in unintelligeble Greek that they would like the same as the thick cunt next to them. And then when their pristine , nicely presented freddo capaccino, with milk floating on coffee as it should be , arrived, one by one, said
" no , i didn't order one of those. I ordered one like that" again pointing at their neighbours coffee.
"Well stir it then" (you stupid bored thicko married to a mountain man housewife twat).
"Oh don't you speak Greek?"
One English monster who had obviously left someone else in charge of guarding her bridge for the duration of the meeting ,asked me.
"Yes "I" do".
Argh two more big groups of Greek teenagers have just sat down .
Its thursday, which means only one more day sitting in this bloody bar. The weekdays seem to be getting longer and longer and the weekends now only last about three miliseconds.
This , for sure is the last summer i will spend my days in this bar. But then i said that last year.
The Nashes have departed and quiet once again reigns supreme. It is supposed to be peak season but the trend for the island to to stay quiet longer each year continues. We now have the level of tourism that once upon a time you would have expected in early june. Bloody good job i've never got around to getting my own place..
Dangerous Dave is here for a couple of weeks , and then maxine arrives sometime next week so at least there are people to play with. And just imagine what maxine would do to donkey john if provoked. Hmm now that does sound like a good idea.............
i am working at Alga but very erraticly, and that looks like gtting more so after last weekend when they got caught by IKA. Funny thing is the girl they gave lambros a fine for wasn't even working there. It was just some random customer who was bringing her glass back to the bar.
i'm actually too bored to even write this so i'm going to leave it there for now and go back to dearly beloved facebook.
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Maxine is now here and scottish Dave has left, so it must be at least a week since i wrote the above.
And quite a lot has happened. So much in fact that i'm not sure where to start, and as the beginning is a while ago I think I'll relate the events of the last few days and work my way back.
So as i said, Maxine (and Auntie jackie) are here. They arrived last thursday and all was well and good until the following day when they came along with me to a party for Bo's birthday. At that point i realised that if i had to spend too much time in Auntie jackie's company i was going to throttle her fat (non) neck. I made the mistake of mentioning my little fling of the previous week. (more on that later). and then the fat trollop wouldnt stop pressing me for details.", Is he this? is he that , what does he look like?, have you got any photos? why not? have you, is he have ...............
".ARGH FUCKING SHUT THAT FATTY LITTLE SLIT YOU CALL A MOUTH"
is what i wanted to shout.
but i didn't, and just drank the best part of a bottle of vodka to drown out her fat slag witterings as she sat on the edge of a very tempting 5 metre drop.
Of course i then spent all the next day in bed cluching my head and contemplating whether this was really the best usage of a day off.
Yesterday, my only full day off of the week, i had to be their guide while we drove around the island. We went everywhere, but the first place we stopped , the last beach of the Santa Maria's was hideously full. The other times I've been there, there've only been a few other people scattered along the beach , but yesterday it was triple rows of sunchairs and umbrellas. We tok one look and scarpered. Or at least i tried to but as it had been at least ten minutes since Aunty Jackie had eaten we had to stop at the little beach bar cafe and have some food. I remembered that it wasn't very good from last year when my brother and family were here, but that didn't matter. If Aunty jackie didn't have something to eat she was goingto be sick and maybe knaw her arm off and hence be unable to carry on driving. So we all had some nice healthy cheesburgers that had last seen daylight around about 1912. That didn't matter though because the buns were "lovely and fresh" in the way that only heavily preservative laden frozen burger buns can be. So we sat and chewed our way through them while the ongoing conversation about which network Aunty Jackie's phone was connected to now smothered me deeper and deeper in despair as to how i was possibly going to get through the next six or so hours.
"mmm that filled a gap that did"
"ooh look now i'm on vodafone".
Next we headed off to Golden Beach.The last time i went there was about 15 years ago and now i know why. The beach is a lot bigger and a lot more beautiful that i remember but fuck me, if you ever need a free exfoliation by sandblasting then that is the place to head to. I couldn't believe how strong the wind was. After trying to sit in the sun whilst having half the beach blow up my nose and strip the skin off my back, I sugested that maybe we sould head to a more sheltered place. Thankfully i don't think the grls were enjoying having their big saggy funbags whipped by the sand either so after a little bit of a grumble from Aunty Jackie, they agreed and off we set for Farangas.
Hurray. Success.After we climbed over to one of the small bays after the main beach where the bar was pumping out bad techno to lots of bemused looking families whith kids and grandma's covering their ears, we found somewhere out of the wind with beautiful clear sea and warm sand to lie down on and chill out.
A bit further up the beach was a skinny woman in her fifties who Mr Gravity hadn't exactly been overkind to. Aunty Jackie who is the spitting image of Sharon Fat Slag then announce loudly that if things ever got that bad then she would definately have to have a tit job.
I rolled over and pretended to be asleep.
Just after that an american family with chilren called Bettina and Gideon arrived and made their presence felt as only american familes with children called Bettina and Gideon possibly could.
We left and went for a quick beer back in town, arranged to meet today in the morning before they took the car back, and went our separate ways.
So at ten, this morning, i got a phonecall saying that they had had a little crash, due to Aunty Jackies inability to drive more than 2 inches away from the side of the road. They had banged into someones wing mirror and badly dented the door of their car on the second time it had been rented out and could i come and translate with the woman who spoke perfect english. I explained that really there was bugger all i could do especially as they had already admitted liability and i didn't know the peope that they had rented the car from, so me coming would only have the effect of making the situation even more aggravated than it was already.
And that is where that story ends for the time being, wth Aunty jacke and maxine facing a 550 euro bill for a new door. Thank fuck they took out insurance or this could just be chapter one.
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As i mentioned other things have been going on , not least me having a ten day fling with a very handsome man from Saloniki. It was a very nice ten days, and i hope he will be back in August but for that I will just have to wait and see. I'm a bit embarrassed to admit that he is a good 15 years younger than me and honestly have no idea why a good looking, well built 25 year old would be interested in me, but he certainly was, and i hope i will see him again.
And that is all i'm going to say on that matter.
Especially to bloody Aunty Jackie
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That was the good news.
the bad news is that Geoff and Lynne got arrested Saturday for having a bit of a stash. They were dragged off to Syros that afternoon and were due to go to court today. The general impression here is that someone who knows them well grassed them up as it seems the police knew what to look for and where to look for it. I have my suspicions as to who it may be but they, for obvious reasons will remain just my suspicions
ok an update: Geoff and Lynne are out with just a suspended sentence for Geoff and nothing for lynne except a nightmarish memory of a horrible weekend. Thank fuck for that although i suspect things are going to get really nasty now as the search for who grassed them up gets going. But at least they are out.
And........... much as it pains me to say this it seems that Captain Pompous Twaddle was instumental in getting them off by hiring a really good lawyer and giving him the relevant information to be able to do his job.
So for the time being , let this be the last time i call brucey boy by that name , as i have a new found respect for him. It may well not last. But......................
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Just as a final note....................... who the fuck calls their children bettina and gideon? now there is an offence that deserves a prison term
okay i admit it i've been neglecting the blog of late. but ive been just too busy playing with facebook. i had a myspace, and still do, but its really boring. And won't allow me to import my address book. So i don't like it .Facebook however, much more fun.
there are some Americans in the cafe at the moment. A family of people to who the word quiet is merely an obscure and obviously rather quaint concept.
"Gee honey , will you just let me do my work in peace?"
And what kind of peace is that then? The kind that involves shouting down a phone at a volume that surely means he doesn't need it. Even for a conversation with someone in America. Actually he was trying to book a hotel room but worried that the air conditioning wouldn't work properly because it sure as hell didn't in the last place he had stayed in. And apparently the reeeefridgerrraaarorr wasn't that great either.
Obviously the soundproofing between rooms was in pretty good nick though, because if those two ever had sex it would trigger a seismic event big enough to cause a tidal wave.
And we haven't had one of those lately.
In fact things on the island are continuing to stay rather quiet.
Alga has opened at last , and i am working there two nights a week. which is good. The only problem is the bloody police keep turning up and closing us early.
This actually is not a problem when i think about it ,as it means i get to go home about two hours earlier than i would otherwise.
Mmm suddenly i like the the police. that is scary.
the loud man and his whiney (loud) family just left. hurrah
So.... back to facebook. If you read this pile of shite anyway, then why not join facebook where you can get virtually live updates. And maybe find some old friends you had lost touch with. I did.
Also there are some very funny pictures of yorgos levantis. and i couple of nasty ones of me that i can't work out how to get rid of
There's a very scary lady in here at the moment. She looks kind of normal but when she just smiled at me her head jutted forward a bit like the "alien'"s second mouth, and her lips did this wierd thing where the corners stretched out to her ears and totally took over her whole face. It was quite unnerving.
But maybe i'm just being mean.
Tomorrow is supposed to be the peak of the heatwave at 44c. And that is even hotter than today was, when i had to spend all day sitting in the sea because it was just too hot to do anything else. But i like that. Thank fuck i wasn't in Pebbles as dimwits regular sessions of throwing all his toys out of the pram are starting to get more than a little tedious. And even harder to put up with when it's 40 in the shade and I'm drenched with sweat. Yesterdays was because his coffee machine had blown a fuse. My fault apparently, as was the till getting full of suma when i hadn't been near the place for two days and he had poured it in there hiself but couldn't remember because he was so pissed. Then he wonders why i dont invite him to my birthday do.
Oh , and it's still dead.
And still there is no sign of Alga opening for the summer. Or maybe they just don't want me anymore. Either way I don't particularly mind. The island is still sooo dead that it makes sense not to open and pay people to stand around getting bored (and drunk). If he doesn't open soon though the place is going to have a season of about six weeks.
The other topic of conversation at the the moment is the weather. Again. It was only a couple of weeks ago that it was pissing with rain every other day, but since that stopped the temperature has been rising steadily and is forcast to hit 46c on sunday.Which I think means it will be pretty hot. At least i got the bike fixed this morning. Again. The last two days I've had to walk to work which resulted in being drenched in sweat by the time I arrived at pebbles. Yesterday (it was around 38c), I walked over to a table with two of Dimwit's nauseatingly sweet fruit syrup/juice combinations and then had to take them straight back as i had just dripped into them. As they were for some french fuckers I just pretended to make new ones, wiped all the sweat from my brow and took them back out again.
"Ah ceggggghhhhhh treggggghhhhh boggggghhhhhh"
"mais oui"
Pete is here at the moment , but only for a week or so and it seems he lost one of his precious days in the sun already after a night during which he got Karened and then had to spend the next day in bed. I unfortunately, had to spend the same afternoon in pebbles with a box of soda water and a bag of aspirin for company. I would rather have been in bed too. Especially after the long hot walk to work when i lost what little fluid was left in my sysyem and made the headache even more pounding than it already was.
Hangovers and 38* are not a good combination.
And the birthday was fun. It would have been better if it was any year but this one. No scottish dave, no helen, no pete, no irmy, no sophy, no nev , no sue, no joanna etc etc, but they all seem to have grown up and stayed away this year. But still it was fun. I did pretty much what i had wanted to which was to have a few beers and stay on the beach all day then go home early so that i could enjoy the extra two days off.
I have been in trouble with a few people i forgot to invite though, like dimwit and vanessa who both were a little narked.
Ah well.
Still no sign of alga opening, although Lambros did tell me that it's maybe going to be next weekend, and to be honest there are still not enough people on the island to make even next week a sure fire thing. Oh how times have changed.
this is the picture i meant to post last time. I know the same two beauties are featured but this time at least poor steve doesn't get called a minger. And they are so fucking horrible they deservr a second outing. That hair, those tits, that hair. They definately qualify for the title of "Mingers of the montI'h" paros heats at least.
so ......... only 2 hours and 20 minutes of my thirties left. Ah but i was born in britain so I've got another two hours on top. And if i 'm still feeling bad, then technically i'm not 40 until 10.30 in the morning.
I'm armed with my camera again so hopefully i will get some really minging pictures of anyone around. i was horrified to find some of me from the night the the above picture was taken but as they were sent back in time from my 80th birthday they are not appearing here anytime soon
here is a picture of some mingersAh twas indeed a pleasant night.
I delayed going down there until quite late due to he presence of DJ, but eventually just thought fuck it. When i got there i was pretty amused to see the wedding party taking up half of Remezzo, and DJ sitting morosely on his own next to a big lump of pork crackling. No-one talked to him and he got up and left.
Which was nice.
Anyway then things got all jolly and lots of fun was had by all. Susan and Lorna are saving the "get DJ" moment until tonight. I've found out that the are going to present him with the bill for all the 10cents he has been refusing to pay since they put their beer prices up a couple of months ago. Should be fun, as he will no doubt kick up a stink and then they've got the justification to bar him.
I hope Irmy remembers the dancing donkey that i bought last night. I bought it for me but bloody gaynor handed it to the happy couple saying it was a wedding present from me and i couldn't really say , no it's not after that. Ah well. I probably had more fun with it last night than i would have done otherwise, especially after Keiran pointed out that it looked like DJ as it wobbled around. A hat made from paper, and the resemblance was impossible to miss.Even more so when a pint pot was shoved under its nose.
And it rained again. Pissed it down in fact and looking out the window there's more on the way. This wasn't good news for Mary or Marta, because today is their birthday and its not the sort of birhday i would wish on anyone. Hot, sweaty, damp and miserable. The day not Donkey John, although hopefully he will be all of these things round about 9pm tonight..
can't believe that it's June already. Despite being as dull as dishwater, this year seem to be flying past.
Maureen and Andy have been and gone, (with a poor waterworks shows this year) ,Irmy and Steve are now here and I've only got five more days of my thirties left. This is a not altogether pleasant feeling. I willl be middle aged on Sunday. And i don't want to be. Especially as it seems to involve all the people i'm not all that fond of inviting themselves to a party at magaya when i just wanted to sit and have something to eat with a few friends and some drinks and a bit of a swim. Now it looks like Sophy won't be able to come... but fucking Dawn the nodding dog will. Or at least she has being going round telling everyone about the party i'm not having.
Oh goody , Dawn and the dickheads. On my birthday. I think i still might just go to Amorgos for the weekend. HHHHHmmmmm. YEEEES. HYYYYMMMMM, mmmmm, thaaaaats riiiigggght. HYYYMMM.
I'd rather be at the dentists.
At least i lke him.
After 10 days or so of very unsettled weather,( i mean it pissed it down), last week was summer. All of a sudden. Today though both of the weather websites we use, are once again forecasting big storms and as if in preparaion its been really overcast and horribly humid. So much so that every time i get up to snarl at some big fat german for moving tables around to accomodate their big fat wife's big fat belly, I look as if I'm pissing out of my armpits And for someone with only five days left of his thirties that's not a good look. It does seem to suit Donkey John however. For twelve months a year.
I was supposed to go to Remezzo yesterday in the evening because Susan and Lorna had a special suprise planned for him but i got home and couldn't move again. Too riveted by the fortunes of Jack, Chloe, Mylo,Audrey and the rest of the gang in what has to have CTU's most ridiculous day yet.
A pity though as I think Donkey John's come-uppance may well be starting to be delivered.And as Susan and Lorna can't stand the cunt either, i'm pretty sure they had something special planned. Maybe a blind date with pig woman the peanut head. They would make a perfect " who should never wear shorts in public, but do so" advert.
i'm sure i will find out what happened later, as tonight is the secret suprise party for Imry and steve's eight month wedding anniversary. Except that it isn't. Either a secret or a suprise, because Gina, the woman who looks like her wierd half poodle, half sheep "dogs", opened her gaping maw and spilled the beans already.
just had a bit of a row with madame uber pretentious. the mini me of the art world. maitei. Who suddennly discovered i was worth talking to because of the degree i have in art history. Before that i was just , well you know, nose held firmly in the air , one of those little people from the village, you know the sort , ah well one talks to them when one has to, to get ones cofffeeeee or teeeeeaaaa, but really , well they no nothing and are rather common.
I have an example of her pretentiousness. years ago when i was working in a restaurant in Naoussa, she swished in and picked up a fork. And then announced to to no-one in particular
"ah dear dear Pepino. Such attention to detail . Ah"
it was a mass produced fork for fucks sake . A fork. Common or garden kitchenware of the variety found in any bog standard kitchenware shop across the world.
But such attention to detail!!!!!!.
We had a discussion about the battle of market street the other day and she was saying that the McArt shop is doing soooooo well and that it attracts people to the street and is sooooo wooouuuunderfuuuuull and that all the "art" contained within, is a copy of a famous painting. Tonight i challenged her to point out one, just one ,famous painting that has been copied , and is on display in there.
To my dismay... oh.... ok ,delight she didn't even try and argue that they were even copies.
She was however still insisting that because people with a second head growing out of their kneecaps were buying the stuff, that it's good.
Ok, and by that reasoning, so are the shops that sell plastic blow fish with lightbulbs inside, cruxifix alarm clocks made out of pastic orange seashells, and "oozo 12 ... me 0" tshirts.
Actually the latter may by now have aquirred a kitch antiqueness. I think they may be now considered cool.
If not worn by a fat red English twat.
Note to self.. steer clear of "oozo 12 me 0" tshirts.
This went on for about an hour and then Andonis made his exit by stomping off down the street still cursing and muttering and occasionally turning round to shout something abusive at Nikolas.
Act three was played out the next morning between the original players.
Again i missed the start of the performance but soon caught up with the main plot developments. These centered around Giorgos trying to make peace, by saying could they just forget about the previous night, etc.
Andonis turned scarlet once more, and by the time i walked round the corner his hair was standing up on end again and his eyes had virtually pushed his glasses off the end of his nose they had popped so far out of his head. The arms started up again, and if an airplane crash landed on the house behind no-one would have noticed due to the sheer the volume of the abuse that was spewing torrent-like out of Andoni's mouth. Giorgos argued back a little bit but ended up just sadly shaking his head as he walked away.
And thats how the battle of market street ended. Things now are much calmer with both sides pointedly ignoring each other and i guess thats how the situation will stay, at least until someone calls the Dimos about removing the signs .Then maybe we will get the sequel.
Epilogue: Saturday it pissed it down so he had to move all the signs anyway..............................
Its official . Summer is here. Not only has the temperature risen to the point where the sea looks refreshing - it isn't, its bloody freezing - but the massed hordes of geriatric singing french are once again shuffling tunelessly through the streets.Oh and Dirty Dimitris the pebble painting tip thief is back.Guess thats the last time i go for a poo and leave the shop ungarded fo the next five months.
Frighteningly i just realised that i now have less than a month of my thirties to go before middle age arrives. But as forty is the new thirty i cant say i'm all that worried. Yet.
Davide is also back and he told me yesterday that he's been wandering around with a big bag of mint chocolate for me. Which is nice. And very kind of him. So big thanks to Davide.
I did actually go swimming last week, or at least i tried to but as i was wearing my wetsuit due to the glacial temperatures at parasporos, I just sort of floundered around on the top for a while before realising i was wasting my time and headed back to the beach for a snooze in the sun and a bit of work on getting the white flabby winter body to at least lose a bt of its flouresence. That was the point of taking the wetsuit, so i could at least do a bit of exercise but it didn't quite work out .I do however now at least have the beginnings of a tanned flabby summer body.
So time for a bacon sandwich and a bucket of beer then. That should help matters enormously.
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Just as i was starting tio think nothing was ever going to happen here again apart, obviously from me fighting with big fat pony tailed donkey toads, along came last night.
I missed the beginning but arrived well in time for the main performance which starred nicola in the role of "the diplomat" and andonis from pirate bar as the crazed tyrant as played saddam hussain nephew. Basically what happened was that giorgos from levantis told saddams nephew's wife that there are too many signs outside her shitty painting shop, the previously mentioned SMart store. She, being French, then lost the plot completely and started having a blazing row in the street. Marta somehow got embroiled in the whole row and then Sadddams nephew really started to kick off. This was in act one , before i arrived so the details are a little sketchy.
Somehow Nikola got drafted to play the role of the diplomat, obviously without having to audition. By this time i was comfortably seated on the steps of the internet cafe and so had a ringside seat for act two, which kicked off, in spectacular style when the diplomat told saddams nephew (SN) that his shop is the fast food of the art world. KERRRBOOOM.
SN erupted.And then erupted again. He was shouting and screaming cursing and waving his arms around like an 80's raver on three pills too many. Only a lot faster, and a hell of a lot more aggressively. The chairs and tables on the street came in for some abuse, as did the internet cafe, a bordello apparently, the Mikro Cafe, another bordello and Levantis.... yep you guessed it, thats a bordello too.
"Who are you , you are nothing fuck you who the fuck are you to be telling me i cant clog up the street with my mass produced crap" he shouted. Well maybe he didn't use those exact words but you get the picture. Several times we thought it had all stopped and were about to applaud politely , but back he came , time after time, arms whirling , hair standing up on end and face getting redder and redder.
part two tomorrow
a long time has passed since last i wibbled on about anything and that would be for lack of a good rea
son to be wibbling on. In the meantime Levantis has opened for the summer, Iv'e got myself a job in Alga for the summer , but we will see how that one goes, and Karen has left for Scotland.
The last one was just yesterday and its only for a week.Unfortunately she will not now be posting the fake solicitors letter to wanker john the donkey/toad because her mother is coming back with her and she doesn't want any trouble while she is here.Big shame as that now means i have to put my thinking cap firmly back on.
If only to remember the details of big gay leather master john's account on the gay dating service i signed him up for.
password is easy. WANKER.
Already a week has gone by since the big birthday bash last saturday and so needless to say i can't really remember all that much about it anymore, except of course that Jay was soo pissed he was found in the street at around 5am by Karen leaning on the wall of Colin and Stella's house unable to get the key in the door.Then again neither could she ,so they had to wake Stella up to get Jay inside.
Marina found him in a pool of vomit hugging the toilet later that morning and had to be helped by Colin to carry him to the car as he still couldnt walk unaided. Hee hee hee. Poor guy still hasn't properly recovered yet.
In the last post i wrote about Donkey John's attack on Karen outside her shop last Friday. Never one to take anything lying down she has her revenge plotted and ready to go, unlike lazy old me who just mouths off about getting the fat ugly loser back., and then promptly never does anything about it.
Well thats not entirely true.I did manage to set up a page on a gay dating site for him, its just that i need a photograph and his phone number before i can really go to town.
Karens little ploy however should happen this monday.
I for one cant wait to hear what happens.
its been a while but ther has been nothing to tell so better ti say nothing than blabber on like denice the ice cream woman.
tonight Levantis opened and Karen is having a party. Thats party as in the sense of exactly the same as normal but theres loads of slightlt post prebubescent screaming teenage american girls. and oscar.
oscar is female.
and japanese .
and the cliche of the the japanese screechy loud wave your knickers in the air kind of loud screechy wave your knickers in the air kind of girl that i didnt think existed outside of manga comics.
the really horrifying thing is that she is really sweet ,and it's impossible to be nasty to her . Even though i would like to break her neck in several places.
All at once.
Lots of times.
Karen had her shop broken into a couple of nights ago and they only stole all her cds.
Well that will serve them right then.
But tonight i had to spend hours going through my hard disc looking for 70s and 80s music. and now she is playing the kind of music i used to kick off about when i was 16..
oh i take that back . .. the monkees... cool...
ah , i take back the taking back.
shes playing the grease megamix.
and the wankfuckcuntbollockstitwank americans are loving it..
still.
and thats wheree it ends ............ my troooo love ........... thosew summere niiiiighhhts...
twats.
my , well . teenage culture in middle class america has moved along big style in the last 20 years. Or perhaps , not. at all.
I really should have written this earlier as the details are a getting a little hazy after two nights of being completely twatted but hopefully my poor befuddled brain can remember most of the details.
It was one of those night that started out as just a drink after work, (don't they all), and then got later and later. Round about midnight, as we all sitting talking wibble wibble at the bar in Karens ,in rolled harry , bo , gail and suprisingly , Jane. Unfortunately following her was the big fat twat Donkey Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhn. He tried to come in the bar. Karen refused to to let him through the door and then stood blocking his way as he kept trying to get in. So Donkeyboy did what he doesn't do best and launched into a volley of insults. Then he saw me and got really happy.
You see , this is why i should have written this earlier beacause i can't really remember what he said , all i know is that Harry dragged him off and Jane burst into tears and told everyone and anyone how she was leaving "that fucking idiot" the second the apartments have been sold.
Apparently she stayed at Gails house that night and hasn't been seen with the Donkey since.
Wanker.
It seems that the Anti-Donkey-Alliance is growing bigger daily. Susan asked me to make sure i go to their St George's night do , because for sure he will kick off , and then she will finally have the reason to bar the fucker from Remezzo too. He is on a very final warning there after not only the todo involving me but the wrecking of the motorbikes the other day, and ,and , and.
Oh, and yesterday was Jay and Stella birthday bash, but more on that another time.........
well ok i was a bit pissed when i wrote the last entry but still, all those people blindly wibbling around round like broken clockwork toys, ah jesus is dead and then he is arisen three days later. ok if that wasn't enough to make any right thinking person choke on their own alcohol fuelled vomit then maybe the fact the bangers are thrown (taking many peoples eyes out over the weekend) and the vastly overpriced candles lit, (from the one true flame that has come all the way from jerusalem and not the cock sucking mecedes driving priest's bic , round the back of the altar), exactly 12 hours after the procession mourning His crucifiction, may give a few a fw people some pause for thought.
Hopefully.
friday night midnight to sunday morning at 12.01 am aint three days you fucking thick pillocks.
oh i know ,its all the on the third day he popped off to dads gaff, thing.
But fuck off you loons. There's more sense of right and wrong to be found in a harry potter novel than that load of old crap written several hundred years after the supposed event by some very dubious sources.
And still everyone parades around with their candles, some clutching the burnt bits on their faces, some on the way to hospital from the banger bits in their eyes,and the chosen few, mraculously uninjured, whose candles haven't been blown out, get to ward off evil for the coming year by marking the doorway of their house with a sooty cross.
and the fucking old beardy twats get a good old sing song and a new car.Fireworks of course being a big part of life in the time of Christ.
Puts me in mind of when after having asked why they didn't put christmas lights on the Acropolis and being told that the Acropolis was slightly older than Christ, my brother replied.
"What do you mean ? older than Christ?"
Hmmm
"Steady"
i find this night very frightening.
maybe i am the daft one but all this stuff i cannot understand. For fucks sake it is 2007.
And some twat who is not allowed to shave his beard but drives around , drunk in a mercedes, while his devotees live in hovels that a pre bilbo baggins hobbit would bne ashamed of, sings in a tuneless whine about some dead guy is accorded the status of most wonderful messenger of enlightenment..... ok explain it to me.
its fucking medieval superstition.
oh and wow , now christos has risen. sorry but haven't they just found his and mary magdelene's bone somewhere in jerusalem. Which kind of makes a nonsense of the the whole rising up to heaven after three days thingie.
Especially if his bones are still in the dusty soil of an territory occupied by a people who make the the nazi's look as if they were just having a bit of a spring clean up.
My god, hmm, wrong phraseology there i think. This is a primitive superstition on a par with sun worship, or the ancient Greek Gods. In fact no its not. They made more sense than this . I really find it inconceivable that normal reasonably intelligent people swallow this shite.
Then again I believed that Ross and Racheal really were on a break.
Half way through "big week" already and despite initial signs of a big upturn in arrivals, this afternoon has been dead again. Currently the only people in here are three girls who look like they work on the make-up counter in Asda. The only thing louder than their excited shreiks over the arrival of their nescafe's is the colour of their identically rouged cheeks. Also it's bloody windy again and not very warm.
This hasn't dissuaded Dimitris from opening next door and installing himself as the chef. So far the only thing he's been asked for is a bacon sandwich and he forgot to order the bacon. Outside looks awful, hes got crappy taverna chairs and tied horrible denim blue old granny cushions to them. It looks about as inviting as a day out at the abatoir
Nearly everyone is back by now, with Sophy expected at the weekend for a couple of days of badness, and Pete sometime next week. It does seen hard to believe it's Easter at the weekend, and supposedly the start of summer after that but hopefully a couple of late nights out , with people other than knucle dragging albanians walking the streets, will make me feel a bit more lively
Oh goodie, now the make-up trollops are comparing ringtones. At least no Mad Vasillis for a few days.
But Arse-nis has taken to wandering into the internet cafe every morning. As long as he just wanders in and then straight back out again even the fetid stench he gives off is just about bearable. Any longer though and the air starts to fog up and people start collapsing. He can't have washed for weeks. The pong is even worse than glory days of Mrs Peanut Head.
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ok its far too late to be writing this , and i have resisted so far, but sitting here and hearing aha's "take on me" not only being pumped out of karens without any sense of irony, but hearing the stupid stupid stupid americans singing, no shreiking and shouting, along with it has forced me into it. These people are not only thick beyond the point where they should be executed for being a disgrace to ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, bollocks, ,,,,,,,,,,to mammals, let alone bipods. Lets not even get into the higher apes, of which this species obviously have at best a tenuous grasp upon membership...................
i've just been across to the mikro cafe and now i understand where the special effects people get their ideas for science fiction films.
Albania.
Tonight is like a low budget episode of a low budget pilot that got got cancelled in front of a test audience of neanderthalls because the people weren't ugly or stupid enough. If it wasn't enough that that the knuckle dragging albanians have made the floor slippy from all their dripping saliva, there seem to actually be drunk enough sex starved american shrieky slightly post pre-pubesscentant females who are willing to pork stabbed by them.
At least until they sober up in the morning with captain caveman, - and probably his brother- in bed with them.
Jesus, its like Planet of the Apes in there , with better special effects.
The shop next door opened tonight too. And i wish it was still christmas because then i could freely do alot of Ho Ho Ho-ing without being abused a white haired old bastard that has filled a space barely bigger than a midgets wardrobe full off the kind of paintings that athena in the 80's would have rejected for lacking taste. Actually i take that back. It's full on Athena in the 80's kind of stuff. Plastered wall to wall.
And called the SM artdeco shop.
Snigger?
No? me? why?
Yeuk. ARSEnis is sitting outside . I'm really not sure whether i should have served him or not but at least he seems to be sitting quietly and not even bothering the plants today. He even seems to be restricting himself to the nearest two ashtrays. I think, for the time being at least , just leave him alone. After all it's not his fault he fucking off his rocker.Tina came back yesterday with a little boy she made last year. Ahh very sweet.Bo and Harry are due back anyday, and Easter is only just around the corner. Hurray , the winter ,what we had of one, is nearly over.
I had some wonderful news last week when i heard that Mr Karma had some fun with the fat oaf and his wife/ girlfriend.They flew to athens and got stuck there because of the borderline hurricane we had. But not only did they have to stay in a place where no-one has any need to put up the their know it all expat attitudes, Olympic lost their luggage so they were just left with what they were wearing.
Laugh?
you bet.
Long and hard.
and then longer and harder.
I can only imagine the scene they caused at the airport. If i had only known they were going, now then i could have had some fun as Evi could have got them stripsearched. Not a pleasant thought i grant you on the visual level but in terms of getting my revenge, what could have been better. Still, there's always next time......................
Oh , and the photo at the top is one i forgot to put up earlier, of dimitris the cartoon dog, at the carnival party
Its thursday, and i'm supposed to be gargling answers throgh a mouthfull of metal pointy things at this moment, but as it has been too windy for the last couple of days my trip to the dentist has been postponed until tomorrow. So not only do i still have all that to look forward to, but i got to spend the afternoon with Mad Vasillis, who was obviously gutted to find me here instead of beloved Princess Maria. Never mind because an hour and a day from now i might be able to smile normally again. Probably not as the porcelain venner thingie will have to be cooked, or whatever they do to make them, and so i'll no doubt have to go back to athens again next week to have it fitted. And if that's not the case i will just have to superfry some lentils again and break another one.
Alex has a friend staying with him at the moment, a really nice kid called Pru. She was on the same sailing course he did in Australia and as she had already planned to be seeing Europe asked if she could visit now he's back.The first week or so i think she was blown away. The weather was fantastic, Alex was taking her everywhere and everything was wonderful. I kind of get the feeling now that she wishes she hadn't arranged to stay quite so long as the weather the last few days has been horrible, Alex has been working flat out, and she met Jeanette/ Zanet.
It was a couple of days ago and a really good afternoon, there were lots , ie all, ( 4 or 5), of the nice people who come in pebbles in the afternoon. And then in walked Mrs Off Her Fucking Head. I do have pictures to prove just how wasted she was but because i took them on my phone they are not yet available, because through a combination of laziness and innate stupidity i haven't worked out how to do the phone / pc transfer thing . So you will just have to take my word for it that she looked worse than i think i've ever seen her before. Which is saying something as Zanet pissed, looks like something that would have a massed army of Orcs running for cover.
She didn't just look bad , she was utterly wasted, and because i poured her a large Southern Comfort, getting more and more so. At some point she started telling poor Pru that she had been bisexual in her youth, and that just because Pru thinks she is gay now ( she doesn't. We have no idea where that came from ) , that she shouldn't worry, maybe at some time in the futue she will settle down , get married and have children.Then in strolled Maitie shoosing and fussing, and generally being the little french sophisticate, all the while slugging shots of suma. And then Mad Vasillis came in and sat banging a beer bottle with his lighter because once again no-one was talking to him. Thank god for Alex who came and saved the poor girl, who by this point had had a few herself, and was starting to look a bit wierded out by the increasing lunacy happening around her.
Zanet was sitting with half a Rhodedenrum bush in her hair , trying to smoke a Cuban cigar that Gail had brought back from her holidays, while Leon her viking husband seemed to be working out whether he should get as pissed as her in order to be able to cope, or just take her home. Thankfully he opted for the latter and carried her off across his shoulder, Maitai swigged a suma and started trying to impress pru with her knowledge of fine wines, which was amusing for a nanosecond or two, and then the news that Dimitris ws coming soon had the desired effect and they all buggered off.
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Now its monday evening and i'm sitting on the Blue Star on the way back to the open air lunatic asylum. The weekend was great and even better all my teeth are full of lovely new shiny white fillings. This way next time i feel like correcting one of those daft as a brush, American art students, i will at least be able to do it without looking as stupid as i have for the lost month.
I did say 'looking' there,just cos i got nice new teeth doesn't mean i'm going to make anymore sense.
Its very noticable that the boat is full of island people who still haven't got their heads around the fact that their mobile phones are indeed just that; telephones, and not yoghurt pots connected by bits of string to whoever is shouting down the other end into their yoghurt pot . Athenians talk quietly into their phones, (except for when they don't). Islanders seem to want the entire world to know what time the ferry gets in and how little dimitraki is, yes and little dimitroula too.
Shut the fuck up up you lound mouthed ignorant cows arses.
As you can tell I'm not exactly overjoyed to be heading back.
It was really cool to see happy, well dressed, trendy people laughing and smiling, saying thank you, not ripping everyone off ,and to be somewhere that being a foreigner was to be something interesting. On Paros it sometimes feels as if the locals look at foriegners,( the source of their new found wealth ), as something to be wiped off the bottom of their wannabe nouveau riche shoes, while they sit for 6 hours with the same bastard coffee because they dont want to back to the barrage ballon sized wife waiting at home with the cold chicken and macaroni.
Like i said , really not looking forward to getting back there.
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And now its Tuesday afternoon and I'm sitting in pebbles. Which for now , is strangely nice. I feel as if i was away for quite some time not just three days. Somethings never change though and so it's comforting to know that Donkey John is still slagging me off, as every word that tumbles out of his mis-shapen oafish mouth just makes him look stupider and stupider - if thats actually possible.
Davide, who arrived Friday, told me I'm now public enemy No 1 in the john and jane household. Quaking in my new red addidas gazelles i am. Makes a change from Karen i guess.
Jesus, even their very names make them sound as thick as cartoon farmyard animals .Donkey John and Evil Eyed Jane the ancient old barnyard cat that no-one has bothered to put out of its misery. But they look more like Fred Gee and Bet Lynch twenty years on, having a night out at the bingo. In Blackpool.
Today was the day that after a week or so of working up to it, ARSEnis tried to make his return.For the last few days he has been content with wandering in, loping around for a while and telling one of the plants "good morning", but today after three rounds of the balcony and a brief but annoying daliance with every ashtray, he had obviously decided the time was right. At which point he sat down and started a conversation with the chair opposite. The chair being a sensible kind of inanimate object, pointedly ignored him, and so he was forced to move on to the ashtray.That didn't seem to work out either and so he struck up an animated dialogue with the cupboard that dimitris keeps his tourist crap in. The cupboard obviously wasnt was quite so uppity and soon he was having a merry old time patting it and generally behaving as if they were long lost old friends, much to the disconcertion of the two girls who were trying in get through the entrance at the time.
I said "Arsenis, shoosh". He sat down and went back to the chair. I said "shoosh" again, and he did. Briefly.
The girls sat down , as far away as possible, and ordered coffees , but by the time I took them out, there he was again, chatting away to the cupoard, who also by this time had obviously realised the error of its' ways and was making ARSenis quite cross by siding with the chair and the ashtray in completely ignoring him.
At this point i had to tell him to leave, but he wasn't having any of it being deep in a one way conversation with the dead plant on the wall.
"you shut up" he told me, "I'm here 15 yyears and you tell me to leave, you dont know who i am. I am Olympos, i am the son of the gods, MY friend the plant says i can stay".
okay i made the last bit up. But he just wouldn't leave and started shouting. "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP" in english. Something in his eyes, or rather the complete absence of anything in his eyes, told me to leave him alone. The more i pushed the more obvious it was he was't going to go anywhere. So i did. And after 5 more minutes fruitless on sided chatter with the plant he did get up and leave.
The next half hour or so was punctuated by him walking back and forth up and down the steps outside all the while smiling and winking at his mate the cupboard, while the dead plant looked on in disgust at having been dumped.
Erm , that happened ages ago but i don't think i posted it. So i will now.
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Last night Karen had a party, and today i feel like a dumper truck ran me over.Still a good time was had by all, even Alex stayed out until the wee small hours, although by the time i stumbled into bed the hours weren't so small anymore.
I can't really remember all that much about the night except that while Colin was playing music the bar went very quickly from very busy to very empty. I don't remeber what he was playing but i do remember that when Karen took over it was like a breath of fresh air blowing through a room full of farting cows. And thats Karens music so whatever it was that went before must have been really fucking dreadful.
i went back to remezzo last night to see susan, obviously first checking to see if the toule was in there. Happily he wasn't so i went and had a bit of a drunken rant about what hapened last week, and all the other times. It seems i'm not alone in my utter detestation of the fat oaf. But then i knew that already.
What did suprise me were Susans many suggestions as to how to fuck the fucking fucker, (sorry, slipped into derek and clive there). Most of which i had already considered but rejected in favour of pouring sugar into his petrol tank, pulling off the petrol line on his bike, sticking nails in his tyres, and other generally shite but effective automobile based revenge methods.
All of the aboveare stillin the decks of cards i hold but i have a far , far , far better plot to play with now. I'm just not quite sure if i'm evil enough to go through with it. I would do t tomorrow but Jane could get dragged down too,and as much of a pauline Fowler on slimming tablets as she isi don't think that would be very fair. Even though last weeks troubles were apparently instigated by the very same self rightous old crone,especially as now , she doesn't even seem to be on speaking terms with Toule.
anyway , for now, something for me to ponder.
As you know i was trying to think of whether tonkey or doad was the better way to describe a cross between a donkey and a toad. Then it hit me that he is more of a mule than a donkey, which although stubborn, are at least very loveable creatures. Not that mules aren't,but i haven't met all that many.
OK , I admit it, it's a better joke. Because then JAAAAAAHHHHHHHHNNNNN can be a toule.
Say it outloud.
And a big fat ugly twattty oafy pillock.
Ah but he's one ofthose already
I wrote on sunday about that big fucking genetic experiment gone wrong, (donkey/ toad cross), Jaaaaaahhhhhhn , having a go at me in Remezzo, acting as if he had just stepped out of a real life version of "Snatch". Well come monday morning unsuprisingly, he couldn't remember a thing about it while Susan was telling him what a fat ugly twat he is. Yeah convenient that eh?
Ah well let bygones be bygones. Yeah too fucking right i will when i'm finished fucking with him. In the meantime Susan and Lorna will be losing out financially, through no fault of their own but i'm fucked if i'm goingto share the same air as that waste of blubber. (could make some lovely soap out of all the guts that fucker carries round with him. Or maybe not on re-consideration ) .
by the way would a donkey/toad cross be a doad or a tonkey ?
wow. really pissed off now because i wrote a really long entry detailing what that fucking twat jaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn from london had done earliear tonight and i lost the connection so everything dissapeared into the cyberspace equivalent of being dead. Which i really really hopehe will be soon. I am not going to go into it here, did that and it got lost. but i will tomorrow on the laptop then i can be sure it will be uploaded at some point.
But big bad death to JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHN.
Fingers crossed for a big bad nasty road accident.
To save unpleasantness later.
In fact we can throw a party, look there's a bit of john on that metal spike, no no thats a bit of dog, sorry , goat.
ah should we play spot the difference?
ahh easy. dogs and goats are worth feeling sorry for,
CUNT
Dimitris has finished re-doing pebbles and with his exemplary usual good taste , has finally replaced all those knacked old cushions with what can best be described as a fucking homemade mess. psuedo beige leather banquet seating stapled to the wall with big ugly brass buttons. Believe me, whatever picture that gives you, it doesn't do it justice. Nothing is level, the brass monstrosities are about as evenly spaced as goeff's teeth, and best of all it's about as comfortable as an evening out with dee and sophy on a blind date.Still at least the outside looks better. He's getting really upset though because people keep asking if he's sold it, and how much better it looks.
I wrote that a couple of days ago, just before being harranged by a pair of twats from yorkshire, (vanessa land) who spent the best part of two hours telling me how wonderfully friendly and helpful everyone is here and how they had just that day bought a house. Yeah right. Lets see if they are still singing the same tune six months from now when the oh so friendly helpful people haven't got any more coming from the gullible english people who just paid double what their house was worth. ho ho.
Karen Denice and Dilly all came back today. Which is nice. The long winter is drawing to an end. That means no more having to sit in Remezzo and watch ten gormless twats staring at a telly that shows only obscure football matches from tenth division village teams in botswana.Although i wouldn't know the difference if it was Premier League British football. Or give a flying rats arse.
Then again , i think i would prefer to watch a flying rats arse.
Oh, i did that already when Roy tripped over the doorstep.
18th feb
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Last night was the last Saturday of Carnival and as usual Dimitris had a party.And as usual no-one came. I say no-one, but of course Mad Vasilis was here. He did his usual repetoire of tricks, laughing at nothing, banging things on the bar , leaping around and generally making an utter twat of himself. And this was all before 10.30. Around that time he left with a promise / threat to return later. Which he did. Even more off his head. But at least this time he went to sleep on the bar while Stuart , Carol, Dimitris, Yanis and I all tried to pretend he wasn't really there. Not an easy task when between naps he would stand up and shout at the wall. Anyway the party was as always ,a total flop, Just when a few people had started to come in, Dimitris put his (since carefully hidden away) "Latino Party" CD on.
The Macarena and four or five other such classics later the bar was once again empty.
But never mind eh , there's always next year when maybe he can break the record for least attended party of all time yet again.
Oh yes, for at least 4 hours he was , again, the only one in fancy dress.He came as a Joker but by the end of the night looked like a pug dog that had eaten a bowl of melted lipstick. As you can see.
Clean Monday tomorrow............ The fun just never stops.
11th feb.
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Its been a long time i know, but it is winter and so there isn't really all that much to tell. I could wax on lyrically about the beautiful weather and the warm frost free nights , but that would just be mean. And I've done it already.
Last week was Smokey Thursday, or TSIKNO PEMTI. A day that has no real equivalent in the rest of the world. To explain quickly, its the thursday in the middle of Carnival, which is the three week period before Lent wheen all sorts of bad behavoir is encouraged, although nothing much actually happens until the last saturday when everyone usually has their fancy dress parties on the same night. Which means that everyone rushes frantically from non-party to non-party trying desperatey to find the one place that has more than ten people. But the other day of significance is smoky thursday when the land is supposed to be full of the smell of barbacued everything as everyone stuffs down as much meat as they can for the last time before Easter Sunday. The next ten days are for finishing off all the dairy products and then on Clean Monday it's time for seafood , taramasalata salad and wierd flat bread that looks like giant nan bread and tastes like giant nan bread that's been left in a dustbin overnight and costs about 15 times as much as a normal edible loaf. Oh , and everyone flies homemade kites and then takes the children to hospital to get bits of homemade kite removed.
But I'm getting ahead of myself, I was talking about Smokey Thursday. Here at pebbles we had a party. Another great idea on Dimitri's part as one; he only decided to have it the night before thr "party" was going to happen, and two; everyone goes to a taverna so shove down as much meat as they can for the last time before Easter Sunday. (Really, they continue to shove meat down their throats all the time but what the hell, any excuse for a good pig out eh?).
So back to the party.By ten pm there were still only about 10 screaming kids in fancy dress, being completely ignored by their apparently eardrum challenged parents and Mad Vasillis who everytime the kids went outside picked up their toy swords, guns, bows and arrows , grenades, nuclear missiles and the like and leapt around doing his impression of johnny depp doing his impression of Keith richards while all the parents continually re-arranged their seats so they could pretend they couldn't see him.
After about an hour or so of this he got bored and left in a huff because no-one was paying him any attention.After that , despite being a party in name only, it was quite a good night, especially the moment when Dimitris , utterly hammered by this point, fell through the bar into a crumpled heap at the chief of the police's feet. Of course then he drove home and miaculously didn't crash the flintstones car.
So that was smokey thursday.
Torture. Sheer torture. That is the only way i can describe the last hour and a half. Dee's ex bloke has been sat at the bar going on about nothing and everything, all the while staring piercingly. If twaddle was a valuable commodity I would be richer than Bill Gates, Queen elizabeth, and 15 oil rich sheikdoms put together as the amount that poured out his grinning gob and all over me didn't stop. Blah blah fucking blah , and then blah some more. And yet i still have absolutely no idea what he was talking about. And he kept laughing at his own interminable jokes that go on and on almost as long as denice.
Its nearly time for Mad Vasillis. Sometimes i hate this job
January is always a grim month. Wherever you are. That's why people across the world, or at least the northern hemishere make resolutions to join gyms, cut down on their alcohol intake, and take up a new hobby. Not because they actually want to, but because going to the gym or taking up a new hobby gives them something to do in the desert-like wasteland of those first four or five weeks of the year. And what's the point of going out when everywhere is fucking dead.
Of course all these problems are exarcerbated by a factor of ten if you live on a small greek island and so by the end of the month i will not only look like hercules, be telling people that maybe they should rethink that glass of wine and have a beetroot / celery juice instead, but i will also be producing pottery on a scale not seen since the glory days of the etruscan period
Alternatively, i could just end up slumped in a corner grumbling about everything and nothing while perfecting the art of blowing beer bubbles out of the corner of my mouth.
I wrote that a day or two ago and was just getting into my stride when in walked Mad Vasillis, who has long since passed the beer bubble stage. He is on level 10. Tzatziki. Unfortunately they always seem to burst, usually over me, or at least somewhere that i have to clean. He has already been today and so maybe I'll be spared this evening, although maybe not as he has bugger all else to do except sit in a bar and cover the barman with his spittle. Whether that barman be me, Yanis in Spiti, or Dimitra in Aplo, it doesn't matter. One of us will get a good drenching later today.
It's been a beautiful day today, warm and sunny, and the on-going sunset is stunning so i'm going to leave it there and go and watch the end of it with a glass of wine. Yup back on the sauce again.
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So that was friday.Saturday was an altogether different affair, cold wet and very very windy. So windy that the boats were cancelled and Liz started to panic that she would miss her flight, and hence next years supply of oversize pink knickers. But i am getting ahead of myself as i want to say some nice things.
Friday night Marta and Nikolas took me to the Tao centre for dinner. I didn't know really what to expect, but i definately didn't expect it to be as good as it was. Too many people have said too much about it. So naturally , being me i thought it would be a bit crap. A sort of posh Norio's with a bit of buddist mystical wank on the side. But no, far from it , a beautiful warm comfy well thought out modern space complete with a loungey sort of area arranged around an open fire, a good extensive menu , nice people and very resonable prices. The food was great, the portions large, and well presented. All in all i feel very stupid that i haven't been before. I certainly will again. Then we went to Tonic in Naoussa. Wow. Again a really cool modern room with nice people. I'm very impressed with what is happening to paros, unfortunately it all seems to be hapening in Naoussa.
Dimitris is finally going to change pebbles. Hurrah. Lets hope he gets someone in because the only idea he has shown me so far was about as far removed from the places i saw on friday as it is possible to get. He wants to spray the horrible grey marble floor of the shop with orange paint. When he showed me a test slab of marble i thought it was a bit that had been left out in a dusty rainstorm. Exactly that colour and pattern.The only plus side to this design that i can see would be that at least it will wear off in about two days .
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and today is Tuesday, i think. Whatever, tomorrow is the start of the makeover for Pebbles, and so the start of my enforced holiday, which has come at just the point that i;ve managed to scrape enough money together to pay the pre -christmas bills, so i think going anywhere may be out of the question. I could maybe afford a daytrip to Naxos if the weather is good. And the forcast is promising. Ideally i would have liked to go to Syros but now with the schedules being what they are that would involve a 2 day stopover or possibly a round trip to athens. Hmmmm , now there's an idea. Ski-ing, IKEA, people.
Watch this space.
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Saturday 27 january
And haven't i been lazy.
It's the first day of the new revamped pebbles and i'm sitting outside looking at the sea , and the splodges of green paint al over the terrace floor. What has been done looks great and what hasn't doesn't but there is more to come , and at the moment things look very unfinished. The chairs are still tatty and red, where the paint hasn't flaked off at least, and the walls outside are still a grubby pebbledashed once white. Inside however does look very nice , if not exactly having wow factor.Gone is the shitey ceiling fan that wasn't.The walls that were the colour of wet cement now look at least like they have been finished ,even if the exact shade of GAP khaki isnt my cup of tea, and most importantly, that horrible opressive burgundy red has been replaced with a kind of gone-off copper, green. One of the benches has been ripped out and replaced with two bars , the kind you sit on a stool at, and the whole space opened up to look much larger.
In short it's a vast , and long overdue , improvement.
1st january.
giving up smoking went well. if smoking loads of fags counts as going well. so i think i could safely assume that it didn't. go well i mean.
I gave up giving up about half way through the evening when Drunk thomas came in, looking more like a freshly roasted ork than ususal.My nicotine levels were approaching minimal and despite misgivings i trotted off to the shop to buy some more death sticks.But.I will give up when Dimitris comes back and i no longer have to sit in here listening to Drunk Thomas and Mad Vasillis.
Or at least try a little harder than i did today.
Probably.
Today was only the second time since i discovered alcohol that i have had a new years day without a stinking headache, and i'm getting used to the feeling. Not least because it's lots of fun telling everyone else what a lovely day it is.And it was. Bright warm and sunny. This evening wasn't that bad either , if doing a shittey bar job on new years day can ever be not that bad. At least i broke some bottles and a little bit more suprisingly was handing out compliments like.... well , not like me anyway. That will have to be made up for. Not a problem i imagine.
I didn't go out last night because after sitting with Drunk Thomas for three hours and then going round to john's and seeing Boring Graham in his best junior mobster wannabe suit, i decided i'd rather sit at home than have to be nice to him all night. Actually the look was more "Loan Shark at C&A", and i knew i wouldn't be able to keep my gob shut long enough to be driven back home.From the photos , it did look like a really good night but i'm still happily feeling smug about my clear head today to feel sad about missing what was probably the last chance at a good night out for the next three months.
Hurrah dimitris back tomorrow so at most only one more night.
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2nd jan
And tonight is that night. It was busy busy busy with the lucky fuckers who are goin back to athens in the next few days.That is always supposing that the ferries are running as it's blowing a gale at the moment. And anyway when i think about it athina isn't much fun in january either. Obviously a lttle more exciting than here, but then so would be a month long snail wrestling tournament. But the days of the cool kids are over. Now it's the time of the two headed pig people to whom using manners would be akin to saying "here, take the millions i have stashed in my mattress" And the place is full of the kids that i like but i want them all to fuck off now
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3rd jan
Still havent given up the fags but i'm having a go at the month off booze.It's only 3.15 on the first day but all is going well. I figure if i have any chance of stopping smoking then i will not be able to drink anything whilst doing so.i bet i will be heartily sick of tea by the time february rolls round. The weather has changed again. It looks like winter is rolling in once more, great black clouds and massive waves. Nice excuse to stay in and watch telly then as there will be nothing else to do for the next few weeks. I keep meaning to download myself a Greek course and actually do something usefull in these winter months but i also keep forgetting.
Only a week until the IKA money comes through, and as there is bugger all to spend it on, hopefully i won't.
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7th jan
and still the ciggies are in my life.I'm hoping to last out the week without booze and then give it another go whilst, pigging out on crisps and chocolate no doubt. Bugger all happening still. As i've not been drinking i haven't been out, and so don't even have any crusties to bitch about, although i did have a nightmare about an army of nodding dog women the other day.
Scary.
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8th jan
I broke my vow of abstinence last night, as soon as i realised that by the end of next week even harry and gail will be gone so i will have precisely no-one to play with. A fair enough excuse i think.
I went to remezzo and got pissed, covered in spit by a very frothy harry, and wibbled at by the strange finnish woman who looks like an albino version of marge simpson's sister, patty. Fuck knows what she was going on about except that she kept repeating how much she hates "fucking greeks" . To Dimitris. A Greek . So yes, yet another dumbfuck to pass the winter with.
The news of the week is however, that Bruce , gobble gobble, has been sacked by Nikolas from Kanales after a mere 3 weeks. So that went well then. Hee hee.
so thank fuck for that. Its nearly all over for another year. Just new year to get over and done with now.Paros is as predicted , horrible , empty, cold and, very windy.
Luckily i haven't seen too much of the klingon these last few days, but in his place is Drunk Thomas. At least he spends some money and doesn't sulk when no-one is talking to him, and until the tenth or so beer he actually is entertaining company.
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Bugger. I wrote loads after the last entry and obviously didn't save it. Fuck. ah well, and it was all kind of positive, which when i am ,i should really make the most of.
Anyway, it's in a way apt, because i was saying how being here and working at pebbles had been no way as bad as i imagined it would be. Well thats all been put to rights as when i closed the computer , (i had to i was bitching about him), in walked lieutenant worf. And then Gail,( i like her, so that was good), but then the dreadful nodding dog woman, and then bald git Kostas who chose to come here for christmas. Idiot Wanker.
The next two hours were spent trying to talk to an increasingly hammered gail while the fucking nodding dog ranted on about how she knows everything about fucking everything and how the dark side of the moon doesn't actualy exist because , "no no listen to me , i know , no no I KNOW".
I would like to put her hand in a blender and push the rest in once it got hold. Stupid silly bitch. Silly cunt spent the last two hours telling boring kastas how me and her are going to take a business and make it work, "no listen to me, like , really make it work , because like, no listen , right, because , we, thats , me and andy, burp gulp , burp, we know , like , what we are doing a, and we andd , burp gulp, make a business together then stellios , brp , gulp, will send everyone from easy cruise , easy jet heer because , and we will be millionaires.
She said the last bit in greek, or at least attempted to, but what she actually said was that we would be sausages.No i still have no idea either, but i asked her to repeat herself and that is what she said.
This continued and continued,like someone attempting to be funny whilst impersonating a broken record player. But she wasn't. Either funny, or with any clue she was repeating her innane twaddle at a volume that could have shattered the remains of the acropolis had she she been near enough. Meantime the chief of the police and i had greek/english lesons , entire civilizations rose and fell, the moon exploded into into tiny fragments of camenbert,and that horrible scottish woman lorraine kelly, caught ebola and died horribly. okay the last bit about lorrainne kelly was just the dream world i escaped to while nodding dog was going on and on and on.But it was a pleasant place to be.
I did really have a greek/english session with the chief of police too. Jesus i would have been able to teach a snail to talk english in the several lifetimes that nodding dog was prattling on for.
in other news , now that lorna has left kanales , cpt is now the chef so i am pretty sure i won't be working there.
cooking christmas dinner must have been a bit like familicide for him.
gobble gobble gobble
and so ends the news for today
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okay, i take it all back. No, not about stupid twit nodding dog woman dawn, but about Drunk Thomas. He is not remotely interesting. Merely a gone wrong plasticine replica of a human being that has somehow been given the gift of speech without a brain to power it. Jesus he managed to clear the bar of people tonight with his monotone wibblings, and the annoying part about that, is that everyone (else) was cool tonight. Yani pp stood it for a lot longer than was reasonable.When he and thanos finally escaped DT turned his attention to mikalis , chief of police mikalis, who pleaded with me " voithia voithia" (help help ) when the failed pod person went to the toilet. I tried, I made up texts from people in england, Mikalis found a bit of paper with "I dont do mingers" written on it , and asked me to explain what it meant. Again. But to no avail. DT just went on .And on. And on.
Aaaaaaaaand on.
In other news , i really have to ask john if the wierd dull bloke from nottingham that hangs around his house all the time is a friend, or whether he only puts up with him because his wife is serbian. John's girlfriend is too,and so maybe the girls are friends. I can see no other explanation. I don't think this guy is much older than me . His wife is certainly younger, so possibly it's a visa thing, but he acts and seems like a grandad. He got john to download "on the buses" for him. Why the fuck anyone under the age of 60 would want to see that is a little beyond me. Did i mention that he's dull. Try as dull as the dark side of the moon, yes that dark side of the moon that doesn't exist " no , no , no listen , I KNOW". Yeah that one, and you get close to getting an understanding of the tedium of spending ten minutes in his presence.
Maybe he is another pod person. One that is a fair facsimile of a human being.
Physically.
Think of an extra in the pub in an english soap. Or arthur fowler. Or someone who was actually in "On the buses".
Hey , and thats Graaaaahhhhaaam.
Fuck, even his name shouts loudly "THIS MAN IS DULL, DULL, DULL, "
sometime around 17 december, maybe later, maybe , in fact probably earlier
i forgot that i'd agreed to work late tonight because dimitris wanted to go and watch football. Not a problem except that ten minutes after he left, in walked bog eyed barbara and her teeth, and some fat gurgling german queen who is something to do with the PAWS network of dognappers.He, so i was reliably informed has about 20 dogs , cats, parrots, fieldmice, snails, and previously thought extinct species of lemurs and mammoth living in his house in germany. thats not even mentioning the meercats. Actually no , if he had a meercat i think i would have paid a little more attention because they are seriously cool .Anyway his house apparently smells a bit.
And , well, erm, so fucking what ?
If some fat ugly german without a word of english lives in a petting zoo and has a sideline in dog snatching , i would love to know which part of his life i am supposed to be interested in. Mainly so i could say that i'm not.
LOUDLY.
Mind you if he has an affinity for rescued animals it does go part way to explaining what he was doing going for a drink (of water) with bog eyed barbara.
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thursday.......
bog eyed and fat puff fucked off and no-one else came. which means the total takings for last night must have been about ten euros. And that is apparently worth staying open for and spoiling xmas. moan moan moan.
I'm back there again and sellotape man is sitting belching away to himself. Today with a red dispenser.I'm being rude and totally blanking him.I'm at that stage now where i just can't be arsed with the nutters that come in here. No-one else comes in because its such a fucking dump and still dimitris doesn't see it. Despite takings of 50 euro a day.
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10 days later
hurray its christmas eve. i was going to have another moan about being on the way back to paros but its such a beautiful morning i think i will save the gripeing for tomorrow when i've endured an evening with the freaks that will be in the bar tonight. always supposing that anyone will be there.
So a week in Athens, and what did i do. Lookingback it seems like not an awful lot but that was in a way exactly what i wanted. A week with no expectations, taking each day as it came,, and having the opportunity to go out if i wanted to, to a place with more than two sad middle aged fucks escaping their wives for an hour and having a great time staring at themselves in a mirror.
And so for the first two nights i stayed in with sophy and watched lots of dvds until 6am.Which was nice.
My only problem was that i had arranged with a friend to go for a first scuba diving lesson the day after our second telly session.In the end we just went for a snorkel around a mini island half way to sounio. Which again was nice.Now january is the only month that ive not been swimming, Okay it was in a wetsuit but still the day was beautiful and to be able to say that i went swimming on 22december is, well thats nice too.
Apart from that i caught up with afew people and eventually ended up working in mommy again for the last two afternoons i was there. I didn't mind staying in after that because it felt like going out, being back there again. I really felt like i had just walked back into my home as i stepped back behind the decks and put a cd on. It helped that sortiris was back there working behind the bar as all the other afternoon staff were new and i didnt know any of the customers, but everything else was just as i remembered it, down to the dodgy christmas decorations and the fully stocked wine fridge.
i did go to see sophy at her new job last night, and it was a bit of a shock. First of all i walked right past the place thinking, no that cant be it, but after walking another mile into deepest destroyed falling down, or if you prefer, up and coming new trendy area, Gazi, before remembering she had said it was all windows, and turning back.The place is nice inside if you like the ambience of an airport lounge but from the outside it looks more like a motorway service station with upwardly mobile pretentions. The place would work if it was in kiffissia or glyfada or one of the nice leafy suburbs but there i can't see that it has a chance. Who the fuck wants to sit in a posh , mm very posh, restaurant next to the window and look out upon nothing but the graffitti covered ruins of gazi .Seemingly no-one, as when i left at around 10.30 there was one table of two. It did have very nice toilets though, with proper towels and odd shaped sinks. and the bar was a pleasant enough space even though i definately have reservations about the vast expanse of brown flock wallpaper covering the wall behind. oh and the matching brown shirts that the staff have to wear. Proper dog poo brown.And shiny. So like freshly laid dog poo brown.
Anyway, i left and wandered back through thiseo and monastiraki where i bumped into giddy gaynor and giorgos. We had a beer or two , i blew out Niko ( jim carrey, mr spock ) because he refused to walk the vast length of ermou, ( not far really ) and then stumbled off back to sophy's house where i watched some more telly before , in a semi comatose state, packing my bags and setting off through the dark dark athenian streets for the the ferry on which i sit.
I nearly didnt make it as i was close to being arrested for child homicide on the metro after testing to see if the triangles the little bastard kids were banging would fit down their throats. Not really, but i would have dearly liked to try.
uh oh the sea is starting to get a little rough now .
i think i will leave it there for now.
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later that day
well it hasn't been all that bad as most of the people that have been in are the kids that are studying elsewhwere, and despite the one that got left behind, who has downed the best part of a bottle of whisky, they are all really good people. I seem to be overusing crappy words like nice and good today but, well, they work in this context.
Mad Vasillis the klingon has been in several times tonight, four to be exact, but he only stayed once and wibbled on at the chief of police through his bloodshot stoned eyes about fuck knows what and then left in a wobbly stoned out of his head kind of way.
i am getting bored though now and would like them all to leave so i can go home and watch "Its a wonderful life" . It is christmas eve after all. actually no its not, its christmas day now.
Bah Bastad Humbug.
last week i wrote about poo. This saturday was an altogether more pleasant affair as yorgos and neva got married.
The wedding was held at a tiny church by lagari beach and conducted a by a mad priest.
Both of these things are good, as lagari is one of the most beautiful places on the island, especially when blessed by the kind of warm sunny weather we enjoyed saturday, and having a mad, jolly priest preside over the ceremony instead of the usual pompous kiddy fiddling freaks, made the wedding not only all sweet and lovely and that kind of stuff , but good fun too as he was obviously enjoying himself and making sure that the bride and groom did too. He made jokes, he laughed,and then he drank about a gallon of suma when it was all over. Quite a contrast to vanessa and yani's wedding, when their priest kept stopping the ceremony and telling all the guests off for talking and laughing, and the complete opposite of an english wedding. I was once again struck by the simplicity of a greek wedding, how it really is just the coming together of two people in front of their family and friends as opposed to the traditional english bollocks where everyone stands around in their freshly rented ridiculous outfits bitching about who has paid for what and how it will never last because they're not right for each other, or how the vol-au-vents, ( i really have no idea if thats how you spell that, bloody french ), could have been better. Maybe iv'e just gone to the wrong weddings in England.Like my family' s.
As a side note , I think my friends dave and sue did it right when they got married by an elvis impersonator in a drive through in las vegas, but thats by the by.
Later that evening there was a party at Kanales in naoussa . This was probably the wrong choice of venue as it is more of a chilled out loungey restaurant than a place to have a party. It was certainly quite difficult for me as i was djing there and trying to keep a balance between the normal atmosphere of the place , it's usual customers, and the wedding party wasn't easy.
"Turn it down"
"Turn it up"
"More disco"
"Don't just play disco"
Etc.
It was also my second night working there , having played at the opening party the night before. That night was really strange because no-one came. The place was half empty and i felt very nervous all night, well until i poured 4 or 5 gins down my neck. Then i started to relax but despite that everyone who did come through the doors stayed two or three hours I still kept thinking that it was my fault there was no-one there. Luckily the owner seemed to think otherwise and blamed ( unfairly ) the poor reception staff whose job , it apparently was to publicise the event.
Half way through the night the waitress/barmaid, asked me what Nikolas, the owner, had said.
"Er nothing,why"
"He hasn't said anything to you yet about you starting working here?"
"mmm ...no"
"Oh it's just that he told us all today that you were going to come and work with us .... but not until january ,but still,... He hasn't said anything to you? Hmm typical, I guess he just expects you to know"
so it seems that maybe i will be working in Kanales weekends after christmas, but we will see as i will need a room each time because there is no way i'm driving back on that road with all the other pissed people.
Oh and i havent been paid yet, which is a little annoying, not least because apparently i have to sign for it and that involves driving all the way over there again when it could just be given to lorna
okay, time for some scurrillous ( another word that i eveidently don't know how to spell) gossip. Max, formerly known as wiggy until he shaved it all off, has just been in here with what seemed to be his new bird. It looks very much as if he has traded thunderthighs in for a younger model. It could always be his daughter i guess, but the way she held on to his arm as they left suggested otherwise. Hmmmmm.
This is going to take some believing but i swear every single word is true.There would be no reason even to exagerate slightly as what happened Saturday night was without doubt one of the most bizarre experiences of my life.
So let me start at the beginning.
The HISA, (that's the crap art school run by the borderline peodophiles), students were having their end of term exhibition around seven pm saturday, but sometime in the afternoon word began to leak,(and there is a word that maybe i will have to change later), about the party that they were having at the comma club to celebrate the end of the studies. During this party there was going to be some performance art. So far, so much arty farty bollocks.Then Karen told me that she had heard the students were going to act out a chess game, before ending up in a cage regressing to an animal state. In the nude. Aha, it started to sound like this may well be worth going for the snigger factor.
Then around 9pm the first rumours that one of the participants was going to give himself an enema during the performance started to surface.Ok this part sounded like a typical Karen wind up. but after a little persusion from karen and darla and several gins i decided to go along.
so it was that i found myself sitting in the upstairs bar of the comma club for the first time since around 1999. I'd just managed to convince myself that, not for the first time, i had been the victim of a rather splendid wind up on karens part, even having accused darla of being in on the game, when suddenly the lights dimmed and the music went off.
Then six or seven of the students stood on chairs in the middle of the dancefloor and shouted at each other ,reading from crib sheets while the green stobelight , well, strobed.This was all very arty, moving,and profound. Errr not. And certainly not a patch on what we had been led to believe was going to happen. It was very funny though, and afterwards as Karen, Darla and i had another shot of petrol at the bar, we laughed.And then we laughed a little more. Despite the disapointment at the lack of naked arty wankers pretending to be chess pieces and regressive animals it was still a very amusing night at smallville high's prom dance.
I finished my beer and was just about to leave when darla bounced back over with the news that they was about to be another show in a minute. Oh goody , more shouting students on chairs.
But no. The lights dimmed and the music went off. In a dark corner over by the bar there was movement.
We walked over to watch.Hurray it was the naked chess.Except that the six or so students involved all had their clothes on.Doh. Oh well,it was still funny watching them prance around doing their little mime thing.
And then the clothes started to come off. Trousers and skirts were lowered, then underpants and knickers, and i suppose there must have been some kind of sigificance in the order in which they dis-robed, you know, pawns first, knights second, or something, but thats not why we were there. We just wanted to see silly naked people making absolute twits of themselves.
No worries there.
Remember earlier i mentioned something about an enema?
In the middle of the cage thing there were a load of black bags laid out on the floor with a jug or something placed the middle.At this point i get a little unsure of the details because i just couldn't bring myself to watch , but at the same time couldn't not. It was like watching a train crash, you know shouldn't still be watching but you can't help yourself.
Also i was laughing so much i kept having to go and sit down.
So..........................well, at some point, the, hmm, should i call him the protagonist? , shoved a length of clear plastic piping up his bum. this in turn was attached to a big clear syringe like plastic bag full of water. I think you can guess what is coming next. And it did. All two litres of the water ( i know it was two litres because the syringe/ bag thing was marked in big black letters) , was pumped up his arse and the tube removed. By this point i was sitting on the step about 2 metres away, not able to watch any more.This did let me see one of the teachers from the school weaving around videoing the whole thing, obviously under the impression that she was capturing an important artistic statement about the human condition on camera and not just a deluded self important freak in severe need of proffesional help about to spray a room full of the contents of his colon.
Karen left at this point.She said it was the teacher that freaked her out more. That the woman could be filming this with such relish, darting around trying to capture from every angle, what was by this time stopping to be funny and rapidly becoming very sick indeed.
Needless to say Mr Gravity soon did his job.Out jetted a stream of water. That was it for me. I thought i was pretty unshockable but i left then. I went to the bar and paid my bill.
Meanwhile back at the ranch, while runny poo poured out of our friend's bottom, the other 5 or 6 "players", all naked remember, and by now splashed with shit, began climbing the walls of the cage.Tits and willies were poked out between and pushed up against the links of the cage, poo was still gushing and then i got out the door which was being closely guarded by a very suprised looking yanakos.
Outside were several very shocked looking people including karen , darla and several students from the aegean school.
Then we went for a plate of chips at Tartine.
As a postscript I should mention that apparently the show just kept going, culminating in some naked painting but by that point everyone had left so they had to stop for lack of an audience.
Except the teacher with the video camera.
Which brings me back to my comment about borderline poedophiles.
it serves me right for crowing about how that fucking klingon hadn't been by for a few days. Now he is on his 9th consective evening and my tolerence levels are falling by the minute.At least and thank all the gods in heaven, and also those who live on the top of a mountain somewhere in the middle of the mainland, davide was here so i had someone to talk to while worf sat at the bar banging his teaspoon againt his cup, sulking because no-one was paying the slight bit of attention.
"i'm going now" he grunted.
yeah and ? do hurry back now won't you , i don't think you quite finished showering me with your spittle last time you coughed phelgym over everone in a two metre radius.
The thought of spending xmas night with spluttering into his tea while i frantically find something to clean frankly aint an appealing one. Which brings me nicely to to my next moan.
Dimitris says i can't go to athens for xmas. And that i have to work nights all through xmas week while he goes fuck worf just walked in t.b.c
Okay, so its now the next day and whilst lieutenant worf hasn't yet arrived, mr yanis, the sellotape man is sitting in front of me clicking and burping away. The nutter count is normal.
Yani pee pee has just been in for a coffee .He seems a little subdued but basically a lot better than i had expected. At least until the sellotape man started going on about how long he had known yani;s father for, every second word followed by a long belch.
I'm going to make a concerted effort to go home early tonight especially as ive got to go do all the ika/ tax office stuff in the morning. A task that is now doubly important if i do decide to go to athens for xmas and fuck off the "job" here cos i will be totally skint. Now that winter really does seem to be settling in i'm getting a much clearer picture of what the post christmas months will be like and its a picture that suggests it's really probably best not staying here just to make sure i have a job for january/ february as the daily pay during those months is likely to be around 10€ a day if current trends are anything to go on.Still i ve got more money than i had at this time last year , a shiny new laptop and a sofa (albeit a wine stained holey one) to sit and watch my telly on, instead of the inflatable armchair i had all last year.
Todays sellotape dispenser is , by the way , a red one, whereas last weeks was silver.That means he must have a whole collection of them. I wonder if it's like me and lighters.He sets off with one in the morning and arrives home late at night with pockets bulging and no idea where they all came from.
I really must decide what to do about athens tonight and let them know at mommy tomorrow. sellotape man is making some really wierd noise now, kind of like a cross between a cat meeiow-ing and and a long drawn out trump.Its actually a little bit unnerving.Jesus these freaks are really starting to get to me.
and of course Mad Vasillis is due any minute.
And now its friday. Mad Vassililis / Worf did indeed arrive exactly on time, about a minute after i wrote the above.I should have at least an hours grace today as i am starting my rant early. So far the only customers have been the three gargoyles currently sitting in front of me. Still it could be worse, the two orc women they came in with left after depoiting industrial amounts of bubblegum in the ashtrays, could have stayed and turned all the milk sour,At least these kids aren't bellowing at each other like the normal gang of albies that we usually get in here.
I did go home early yesterday, and i did go to bed early(ish), and i even managed to get up early but what has completey astounded me is that i not only managed to get to the IKA office and get everything done in just over an hour, but how nice ,genuinely friendly, and helpfull all the people in the office were. They obviously haven't been to supermarket school and got their diplomas in scowling and so have to work in the nice modern enviroment that is the IKA office in parikia.And they give out free money.
Re Athens and mommy ive deicided to tell dimwit that if i have to be here for xmas i want this much money and i'm not doing NYE under any circumstances. I'd rather stay at home watching Startrek and thinking about what i was doing last year........shagging if memory serves me right.
It was my name day yesterday ,and so i popped along to remezzo for their st andrews day bash. And popped straight back out again as it was full of completely hammered people, half of who i'd never seen before.Geoff was slumped under his tree, Davide was sat looking terrified in the middle of gail, lesley, bruce and co but i think that was because he'd popped a pill, and lorna was wandering around handing out plates of vile looking slop that actually tasted very nice, in a kilt which made me think of mrs page my geography teacher at school. At least i hope it was the kilt because mrs page got up to some very unsavory stuff . We know this because she left the negatives in the school darkroon overnight and the sixth form borders found and distributed them.One picture eventually ended up in The Sun.
So, yes i hope it was the kilt
The gargoyles just left, after trying to pay with a 100€ note and then getting snotty because i wouldn't accept it... well there is only a total of 25 € in the till so unless they wanted to prepay their winters coffees it would have been a bit difficult to sort their change.
Its been a strange week so far. Helens departure is still sinking, in as is the relative peace in the internet cafe. Truthfully though I would much rather put up with all the screaming, and have them all still here.
Also, yani's father died unexpectedly on monday morning, so the general mood is a little despondant to say the least.
On the plus side i seem to finally have found a way to get rid of mad vassillis....ignore him. I had no other customers yeasterday afternoon and suddenly realised that for the princely sum of two euros i was being subjected to that idiot for over an hour. So out came the dj magazine. the next twenty minutes i spent circling random cd's i was supposedly marking for future download. It worked and he left ,but now i have no idea which cds i genuinely want to find. Ah well.
I decided i'm going to athens for christmas whether dimitris says ok or not. fuck, im not staying here earning between 2 and 15 euro a day to spend all day with the looniest of the loons, when i could be having fun and making some money into the bargain.
Today is once again promising rain, it chucked it down yesterday evening, but at least we have some customers, even if they are pouty french fuckwits, and so i have a chance of making my wages and hence being able to pay the rent next month.also i managed to get most of the IKA stuff done today so that money shouldn't be too long coming. I'm not exactly holding my breath though and i suppose it would be better if it didnt come until after christmas as there is a better chance of not splurging it in athens on crap. Or in IKEA. On crap. Like the ten pairs of differently coloured scissors i bought last year cos it was only a fiver for the lot.Or the hanging basket storage thingies that are currently storing the remaing six pairs of scissors that didn't go rusty in the cutlery drawer.Or the three for a tenner, stripey rugs that live folded up on a chair in the bedroom because there is no where else for them to go.
$Still, i could do with a new sofa cover, or indeed a new sofa, and some curtains, and , well it's easy to see why it would better if the money didn't come until after christmas.
It's another beautiful warm sunny november day, now there's four words you don't often see together, and there are even people sitting outside. One of whom i have only just noticed, always carries one of those old fashioned selotape dispensers, like the ones you used to get in little old lady shops, much in the manner of the log lady from "twin peaks". I think he might be a bit simple. Harmless, but simple.
Mr Yanis as he is known, always has a coffee, sweet with no milk and as many biscuits as i can squash on his saucer. Then he sits and mumbles and burps for the next half an hour before picking up his selotape dispenser and waddling off down the market street . I say waddles because he is enormously fat and when he walks all the blobby stuff round his middle shifts left, right, left,right.
Also outside are my neighbour Sakis and his girlfriend who have taken to coming by most afternoons for a light snack in order to have an excuse to throw vast quantities of suma down their necks.Which is great fun to watch even when they start the daily row, usually bang on schedule at quarter past glass number three. Today though they seem all lovey dovey although that could be for the benefit of Mr Yanis who is now on his second plate of chocolate cookies, and burping away merrilly almost the tune of , well , the tune of something or other.
two days later................................................
And so the day finally came that helen, george , francesca and tom are no longer residents of greece. As i write they are somewhere up there, on their way to Austaraaaalia. And i feel sad.
I am sure that when they all arrive everything will be fine, but i know how difficult it must be to leave here, and a life that despite its many downsides has a multitude of good ones.Never will i forget the train journey between manchester and luton when i agonised over whether to turn back or not.In the end i did and it turned out to be the wrong decision. So although the circumstances are very different, and despite the breathing problems, helen was right to go i believe. Only then after living in the the land of "neighbours" and crocodiles will she realise that that was why she came to live here in the first place.
or so i hope.
On a completely different note, iv'e just been talking to a greek friend who works .... somewhere ...... with a bulgarian girl who got arrested the other day for having no papers.At this stage i should point out that in around 40 days bulgaria will be part of the EU. She has been held in a police cell for the last 3 days without even being allowed to be accompanied home to get a change of clothing.Or those things that ladies need at certain times of the month.My friend has just had to go and buy a lightbulb because the cell she is being held in,,,and this beggars belief somewhat,, its lightbulb was blown.When challenged, the on duty copper replied, "and what am i? an electrician?"........
ok we always knew the police here , especially until recently, were not exactly mensa candidates but for fucks sake. to leave a 23 year old girl alone in a cell without even a lightbulb for three days is beyond inexcusable.
Especially when the albie in the cell next door has one.
Didn't mean that last bit.
So... the day finally came , and one of my best friends has left. Yes i feel a little sad, no a lot sad but that is the way things go...
good luck to Helen and the kids in australia , although selfishly , i hope they fucking hate it , and are back round about easter, but somehow i doubt it .At least i managed to spill fizzy orange goo down her back while hugging her goodbye. Not quite sure if that will teach her , but , well just , but.
I apologise for not taking any weepy pictures but somehow it didn't seem quite right, not least because i was verging on the weepy side of emotions myself.
anyway thats that and finally she left.
I will miss her.
Now, back to being horrible about twatty people who annoy me while i'm working. well no just for one day in honour of helens farewell i will forgo that guilty pleasure.
denice is still not speaking to me and it feels like i have lost a limb. I really regret saying all those things to the nodding dog woman beause i really miss her livening up my afternoons with her sparkling wit and acutely obseverved comments on island life.
Like yeah RIGHT. Whilst i do admit to a slight twinge of guilt at upsetting her , these last days have been heaven without her ever present nasal whine.She even passes by every afternoon and studies her shoes while going down the steps so as to avoid eye contact.Lets hope she doesn't miss a step and force me to go see if she's ok, so forcing a reconcilliation.
what else..... The weather has got better again. Its warm and sunny in the afternoons and i sit on the balcony drinking corona, and get paid for it.Hee hee.
It looks like i'm going to athens for xmas again as i can have the job back in mommy for those 3 weeks, now ive just got to ask sophy if i can stay. oh and tell dimitris that i wont be here, but he's got costas and the princess so that shouldn't be too much of a problem. I hope.
Helens leaving date gets ever closer, this saturday in fact and although still it hasn't sunk in completely yet, i know i am going to miss her and the kids. It seems like i have known her forever, its actually 12 years, but it seems like only a couple of years have gone by since the twins were born, and yet they are now five.
My god i hope i don't have to resort to apologising to denice for wondering how she manages to breathe, just to have some company.
mmm.while there are still cats and dogs i can talk to, i think not.
And then there are always flowers and trees.
Golly it got cold! Overnight.We even had snow on the mountains,and whilst today has been much nicer with warm sunshine and that sort of stuff, its now once again brass monkey outside. The last swim of the summer has been postponed until april i fear, from which point on it will be known as the first swim of the summer.Still you never know..........
I had a lovely weekend curled up on PHD's sofa, which has an amazing capacity to still produce the odd camel butt every time i lose my keys down the back, watching vegetable tv and re-heating various odd things the freezer had been looking after since last march. One was definately a chicken curry, i know because it was written on the side, but the other two tupperware tubs worth of mud coloured slop remain as much a mystery as when i first managed to prize them out into the cold light of day.Especially the purplely brownish green one.I put that down the toilet anyway as it smelt like, well i think the picture has been drawn.
It looks as if i may end up dj-ing at Kanales in Naoussa for the winter weekends which could be nice, if all the logistics get worked out. Like money and how to get there and back. Actually the latter might not be such a problem as spanos , the dj i worked with at monastiri is now working at tonic in naoussa, so once he scews that up, john will probably go back there, and so i will have a lift to and fro. That would mean that i couldn't go to athens for christmas, but I didn't have that great a time there last year so i don't think, at least i hope, i wouldn't be that bothered if that turned out to be the case. Mind you i have to get off this rock at some point or i will go nuts. Speaking of which, I am now entering the danger zone, the arrival of mad vasillis is imminent. Still as i've just changed the desktop background to "PISS OFF YOU MAD WIERD NOSEY FUCKWIT" the look on his face as he peers at whatever it is i'm doing should be worth the next hour of torment as he gibbers on about whatever or worse, stares.and stares. and stares
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its now a few days later and MV hasnt once darkened our door this week. neither has the talking woman, but as i found out yesterday thats because dawn, the nodding dog woman , told her i had been complaining about her non stop gibberings. needless to say the story had been round the paros grapevine and emererged 10 times the size of what was actually said but hey the end result is still the same. no more incessant wittering about wettex. hurray.
still i do feel a bit guilty.
nodding dog woman was in here for a coffee and i was going to have a go about it but for now it seems better to let sleeping dogs lie. or nod and say "hmmmnnnggg' "yes" and "nice"
well i was right. the halloween party was a scary event to be sure, but for all the wrong reasons.If i had been a member of the local branch of screechers and lurchers anonymous i'm sure i'd have fitted right in. instead i took refuge in the internet cafe when the first bunch of decibel donators wobbled round the corner dressed as souvlaki's (which even i have to admit were good costumes) and did a runner shortly afterwards. Apparently no-one we know turned up , probably out of respect their eardrums, which i think was a little upsetting for karen as after 12 it tuned itno her birthday but ,,,ah well.
Yesterday i got stuck in pebbles with mad vasillis (he wouldn't have had to dress up for the party as he already looks like jack nicholson in the shining), for over 90 minutes during which time he was telling me how we both have to "find a woman to fuck, make love , babies with.". Yeah well mate if i wanted to i would. Despite a hell of a lot of trying on his part though that option seems to be eluding him. Wonder why?
Maybe him and denice rent-a-rant could get it together and have monster children together.ugh that is not an image i want to dwell upon.
I slipped up a bit last night when nodding dog woman stared talking about how nice rent-a-rant is, and i let fly with a little rant of my own on the subject quite forgetting they are friends.oops.never mind she's so fucking dim it will have popped right out the other ear once it traversed the vast vacumm inside her skull .Harry meanwhile was rabbiting on about how he and bo had spent a night in venice and he had woken up in bed next to a nun.or something.
so another winter night on paros then.
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two days later........................
mad vasillisi has been here every afternoon this week and so im going to have to write this sharpish as he's due in any minute, and never does he fail to have good look at whatever i'm doing if the screen is up.Not a curious glance but a full on look....yesterday however he was deprived of his daily nosey cos i'd already put the loptop away as i was playing at being the nice friendly barman with a sad lonely tourist.
A mistake i soon regretted when my first impressions turned out to be all too correct. Fat geriatric boring antipodean queen turned out to be exactly that. Oh did i miss out mincing in that description? Another know it all twat who knew fuck all but yet insisted upon telling me all about the history of the island, or at least the version he had skim read from the High Speeds' in journey magazine. "yes i know you stupid old cunt" i wanted to scream at him, but as it's winter i politely ummed , nodded and went to toilet to flick v signs at the toilet door at least ten times an hour. At this point mad vasillis wandered in and the two of then started trying to talk to each other.The highpoint of that conversation was when MV asked FGBAQ why he wasn't here with his wife. Laugh? I had to pretend to be cleaning the fridge doors whilst FGBAQ huffed and puffed, squirmed on his stool, turned bright red and squeaked something about not being married cos the right girl had never come along. Yeah right, like a girl with a big penis and no tits.
oh and he kept referring to people of "OUR" generation. cheeky fucking fat cunt.
Mmmm, getting right back into this blogging lark aren't i?
On a completely separate note, I've been downloading some top mixes from www.deepsoul3.com recently. just listening to one now. cant remember who it's by jolyon or something. go download yourself one
it rained yesterday.And then it rained some more. And then it rained until the kiosk at the port and the bridge it was built upon got washed away. i dont know how much water came down but obviously it was quite a lot. The bucket in the internet cafe that catches the rain from (one of the ) holes in the roof had about four inches of water in it after 4 hours. Which is quite a lot.
Obviously.
So much for swimming until the end of november and the long warm autumn we were promised. It looks like winter arrived with a vengence this year and it seems set on staying around.
Today is halloween and so tonight karen is having one of her little do's. I have very mixed feelings about going though as it will be full of screeching twatty americans and the music will be like the soundtrack of a bad 80's teen movie. you know the kind of thing,,,, bon jovie, starship, U poo, and every other crap stadium rawwk band you ever despised. still on the plus side ,with earplugs firmly ,(but ineffectively against the screechers) , in place i will enjoy the strange lurching the americans call dancing. If things really get going we might even get treated to some moshing.
In a bar six metres by three.
the forecast is for more rain, so there won't even be the street outside to escape to.
Anyway i'm happy cos i got the remote for the dvd fixed so i can resume my favourite occupation as champion couch potato.Very very impressed with the guy who fixed it.cheap efficent and he even smiles. yes obviously he is not from here. going to take all the other electrical stuff ive got broken lying around the house to him and see what he can do with, for example, the mini disc player i used approximately four times.And then i'll have to spend about two days searching for all the minidiscs i have stashed somewhere.And then another two months trying to work our how to transfer them to the computer.And then put it back in the drawer not to be seen again until one day i remember ive got one and take it to the beach to get full of sand or drop it down the toilet or something.
Ugh it's pitch black outside and only six in the evening. I really hate it when the clocks go back, i guess as usual i will get used to it, but for these first few weeks it makes me a little miserable.
Only two weeks now until helen disappears off to australia, an event that despite its inevitability, i don't think iv'e really come to terms with yet. It's strange but until she is gone i dont think i will accept that she is probably gone for good.I suppose that as the kids have got as old as they are now, here, i just thought they would all stay. ah well i guess everything changes and if i ever do get to australia at least i will have somewhere to stay.
see it's not just the hour missing in the day thats making me a little miserable.Maybe i will go to the party after all and cheer myself up sniggering at the clueless americans
ah wonderful.dimitris is back and so the prospect of long long nights, listening to blahh blah wibbling on about the cupboard doors in her new house / the man with the shop next door /dirty dishcloths / how no-one cleans their coffee machines / her eyes/back/nose/cold/legs etc, no longer hang over me like the black clouds of pig womans body odour.
and a day off again at last.
and a new coronation street tape
and a fridge full of food to stuff my face with while watching new 'lost' and new 'prison break'. tis truely a moment to savor.
even the weather has gone a little chilly so i'n not at all bothered by sitting here playing with the laptop in pebbles.especially with free internet from the dimos.as long as i sit on the balcony.no prob for now but when it starts chucking it down it may well prove a little impractical to be fiddling around with the look of my 'myspace' page. at the moment its all gone a bit wrong on that front. all lurid greens and purples. i guess i should really learn to read the instructions instead of just ploughing ahead thinking iv'e got the gist of things when patently i haven't.
karen got a letter from the council this morning telling her she had been very rude in the letter that she had sent them asking for permission to keep her chairs and tables in the street.The letter also said that they had never fined her for having them there. funny that as she has a very fine -like looking piece of paer in the bar.Is it maybe a case of not really an official fine that went straight into someones back pocket? If so , i sense a rather large can of worms about to tipped over.
ahhh thats better, things are a little more normal now. i was getting a little too comfortable sat here. lucky that mad vasillis and his even madder friend came in and started to manically laugh at each other for half an hour. without actually saying anything. just cackling.
ho hum
hooray, only one more night of sitting in pebbles watching single middle aged men stare into the bottom of their whiskey glasses and then this torment is over. okay i admit it . it's not been that bad,well not every night.i have even had some fun and met some really nice people in the last week like the couple from germany who just bought a load of my cds.
flattery you see wins me over each and every time.
cash helps too.
ugly loud english family that came in every night for a drunken bellow weren't that bad either, despite mrs ugly's revolving eyes.
to be honest the worst thing about the last ten days has been as usual, the fucking albanians and their total andd utter lack of any remote hint of civilized behavoir. i am not one for stupid over the top please and thank you's but to actually look at the waiter while grunting out your order is i believe the bare minimum.
please and thank you are always a boon too.
then to sit there shouting and slapping each other like gorrillas while everyone else has to leave because they don't want to sit in the company of creatures neanderthal man would be insulted by comparing him to doesn't exactly ring my bell either.
oh and one of them thinks he is eminem. which kind of proves my point.
in america these kids would be white trash, in england, a little bit council,here they are just fucking cunty scum with no manners and i fucking detest them.
so as i said earlier thank fuck there is only one more night to go.
and so ends todays sermon
ive been very lazy inow. its just that it is once again that time of year when nothing really happens and as ive been staying away from remezzo due to having to be in pebbles at night cos dimitris is in england(hee hee) the wierd and wonderful?, local nutter scene hasnt pissed me off enough for the usual page long rant.
after saying that , the internet cafe still has its fair share of freaks to write about.there's eva the mad fat dutch shaking lady who regularly comes in for a good tremble and a shout at the computer when it doesnt do exactly as she wants, strange german man who sits grinding his teeth and burping while scowling at the screen, and of course my all time favourite, er not, obdulia, the south american 'sophisticated computer artist" who produces all "her", 'art' digitally but strangely doesn't know how do the simplest of tasks on line. something smells very fishy there. both literally and figuratively.
the weather has turned all summery again after a week of torrential rain and every tv news program full of little old ladies screaming about their houses being flooded , funny that. build your house in a river bed and then come on all suprised when it fills up with water when it rains. anyway as i mentioned its warm and suny today so im going to close up the cafe and go swimming. well sleep on the beach and maybe put a toe or two in the water.
as you can see the waeather is lovely. its once again that time of year when the places that haven't already shut down for the winter suddenly have boards up and doors bolted as the owners breath a collective sigh of relief and go on the piss for the next six months.
unlike my boss dimitris who has gone to england for the next ten f\days.in october.to newcastle. via luton.
think i would rather stay here. no in fact im sure i would,obviously though there is no real news so i may well have to make things up for the next few entries. i did just have a very odd conversation with a geriatric german sculptor who wants me to find him a rayfish on the internet because he needs to know how they move. oh and a snakes head while im at it because theywill not sit long enough for him to draw one in preparation for his sculpture of medusa,which is apparently a present from derek ( boring scotsman) to his wife( boring scotish woman). and all women are like snakes, the way they move and are.
apparently.
maybe i wont need to make stuff up at all
and so holiday over,it's back to sitting in bloody pebbles all day with only the occasional stray cat or bumbling american tourist who has missed the boat -in every sense- demanding to know why its so gawddarmmed deeeaaad, or at what time we have the live music.
"round about half past june "
i didn't actually go anywhere in my week off, something i am predictably regretting now, especially as one of the options was to go scuba diving with makis.at least he said that it wasn't eactly the best time for a beginner as the weather was awful in evia, and the sea really murky.Here however until monday the sun was out and the sea still calm and warm.so in another way i'm happy to have just spent the week relaxing and chilling out on the beach. oh and getting pissed.
ok got to go for now as mad vasillis just walked in and he's in scary stary mood
finally....my last day at work before a hideously needed week off .i had all sorts of plans to go and see bits of the mainland and um and ahh at pretty landscapes, ancient buildings and scenic old people but to be honest i dont think i can be arsed. there's always winter for that. i just want a week in the sun before it goes away .having said that a trip to at least naxos or maybe koufonissia has to be on the cards.
its that time of year when everyone is leaving including all the friends who have been on holiday so its kind of sad but at the same time i'm kind of looking forward to winter and the absence of groups of bloody french people gurgling at me in unintelligble pseudo greek.
argh.. the talking lady has just sat down and started blabbering. hmmmm if i just turn the music up a little louder i should be able to completely drown out her babble. yup that worked. shes still going on about biscuits or something but i cant hear her anymore so thats ok.
maureen and andy just passed by for the ritual pre-waterwork byebyes so hopefully i will see them later and get a picture while she is in full flow. and yes i know you read this maureen.
jesus, talking lady is still going on, now about rooms on koufonissa, still at least i'm pre warned of her travel intentions. that could have been very very unpleasant. i go to koufonissa for some peace and quiet and run into bloody denice , the utter antisethis of .
so yet another excuse to sit on my big fat arse here.
i remember a time when the main function of this blog was describing loons and nutters. well lets step back in time, cos one of the originals has just arrived after a period of at least ten years. Her name is NOLEEN. That in itself should be enough to stike fear into the heart of anyone who was here long ago.
for the rest of you NOLEEN, and that word always has to be in capitals when spoken, is a fucking scary woman. A freak with the patent on the 50 year old russian prostitute look before such creatures were known in the rest of europe, she has just arrived back on paros. complete with her oozo flavoured breath, utter disregard for personal space and a face like a bag of used knicker elastic.
so as you can tell she has always ranked up there in the really cool people stakes.
what does amuse me however is that lovely sarah is arriving tomorrow. and lovely sarah, who really is lovely , is the one who brought the fucking cunt here in the first place, and hasn't spoken to her for at least ten, no, fifteen years.
not that i'm in the slightest evil, well ok , yes i am but how i sniggered to myself when i realised that lovely sarah is now going to have to pay for her actions. actually i feel i little sorry for her because its not fair to inflict that twat upon anyone. let alone a seven month pregnant lovely woman.
ugh. fucking NOLEEN is here.
howdididee and NOLEEN in one week. that is not fair.
howdidoody is here again. he just walked through the door with his fingers doing a peace sign and shouted " hey guys, peace and love".
fucking wanker
the rest of us just said "hmmm" and pointedly looked at our keyboards.
the weekend wedding was great, the wind stopped, the sun came out and the happy couple were radiant.and more importantly the actual service only lasted a few minutes so we got to go for beer very shortly after the "i do's" were done. lots of food was then eaten, drinks drunk, and i got to push dangerous dave backwards off his chair . all in all a nice day.
and then another party for siobahns birthday the day after, more free food , more free drinks and more chances to abuse mr dangerous.and take some rather grim pictures into the bargain.
hence what tops this page.
ahhhh
the original pic
its the day before chris ansd siobahn's wedding. Of course we are all getting very excited now. or at least finalising all plans for the evil little tricks to be played, which include sticking the above poster all over town. The other picture is the original that i, co-incidentally came across on mingers.com.
ahh how i love that site. many hours of amusement have been had looking at the "home of the facially challenged".
this seems to be it though,the last big weekend, sophy leaves on tuesday, inky tomorrow, gaby already left,even giddy has retired from pebbles, ahhhhhhhhhh.
and the weather has changed , gone all cold and windy, which should mean the wedding party at magayar on sunday will be an interesting experience.it also will be the last weekend of magayar.which i'm not so happy about as it really does signal the onset of winter when remezzo is the only place to sit and have a beer in the afternoon if being sulked at by scowling albanian girls doesn't ring your bell.
of course the downside to the massed hordes of tourists leaving is that the local nutjobs start to crawl back out of the woodwork again.this point is proved by the current crop of customers in the cafe .as i write this mad phileda the whinging woman from australia who speaks like the queens sister, and fucking evil mad bitch angeliki, who speaks like a human machine gun and looks like frankeinsteins monters ugly sister are having a competition to see who can shout the loudest while saying absolutely nothing of interest to either of them, or indeed anyone else forced to listen to their performance.
and the gypo cunt with the accordian is squeezing away outside.all we need now is for the church bells to start
thank fuck i dont have a hangover this morning.
oh dear nodding dog just flopped in. hhhhnnnnggg hnnggggg yessssss hnnngggg
oh the picture is of the git with the accordian.
if you spot him, again feel free to dispatch him to another plane of existence
ahh.thats a shame the picture didnt come out so heres one of liz as chewbacca instead
just as i was wondering what had happened to pete lawrence , he appears, and bearing gifts too. not altogether sure of the big chill compilation as it gets a little too folky in parts for me but his own chilled by nature "under one sun" cd is very nice indeed. i'm currently on my third listen and its getting better each time. currently he is having his ears bent by the remnants of the mad family whilst eating in levantis. marilyn mad seems on fine form tonight gesticulating away while len wobbles his moustache in time with her movements and dan and sarah nod a lot.
poor pete.
and while im talking about music heres a link to my new favourite band grandadbob on myspace
best track is "hide me" but thats not there anymore.
cool video for "pictures" too
i tried to write an entry yesterday but the damn pc crashed just as i was about to post it and my gems of wisdom were forever lost.maybe yahoo just didnt like what i was saying about sun visored americans wearing their lips up round their ears.
anyway its that time of year that i love. i even enjoy the daily chaos at the port, as i know that all the fuckers are leaving. this morning was a little embarassing though ,when in the middle of the 10.25 horn peeping fest the chain fell off my increasingly decrepit motorbike and i became the main cause of a thousand athenian car owners simultaniously banging their hands on the middle of their steering wheels. Not content with just falling off,the chain tangled itself around the cogwheel, or whatever that round thing with the spikes is called, and the back wheeel froze up right in the middle of the traffic jam. i had to be helped to lift it out of the way by a port policeman who was not exactly happy about having his alloted whistle blowing time squandered by a foreigner on a knacked old scooter.
ah well.
i just heard about poor michelle who went to england to visit her mother for a few days not realing that having overstayed her visa by a few months, she wouldn't be allowed to return, even after paying the 1200 euro fine, for at least 3 months.
so deepest sympathies and best wishes and see you in three months michelle
and also congratulations to giorgos and neva for the imminent ,well five months from now,arrival of a little one. the forerunner of what is shaping up to being another "village of the dammed" moment as there are about 5 or 6 new little ones due in the early spring of 2007.
so congrats to all.
firework night is already a week ago and paros is once again a very pleasant place to be, if you dicount the 38c plus temperatures that is.
i just bumped into an old friend who i first met in 1987 when we slept in a little poor peoples camp on the beach opposite cactus restaurant.apparently karen and her friend were putting on their make-up ready for a night out when i went over and took the piss out of them. hmmm.obviously i havent changed that much in the last twenty years.
and here is a picture i found of helen
also, if you see this man.......... shoot the fucking old cunt.
they're going. the difference is noticeable. now the only problem is that the only athenians left are those that were too stupid to think about booking tickets at the busiest time of the year. so not only are they stupid and desperate to return to a city which is at the moment baking in temperatures of 40c, but they are skint and pissed off that they didn't think to book a ticket.
DOH.
ah well even those wankers will be gone come tuesday.
sophy spacecake left tonight which was quite sad as she was really good fun this time.also she spilt the beans on what giddy gaynor has been saying about me. which without acually confronting her , i have made very obvious that i know. the moody bastard comments i could hardly complain about, as i am, but the outright lies will take a little more forgiveness than i am currently able to to bestowe upon someone who in a former incarnation must have been a defective chocolate teapot.
a state she is currently aspiring to regain.
if she carries on like this i may be forced to tell the story of when she pissed all over herself in the mikro cafe and then blamed poor mary for her misfortune. oops . i already did.
hurray! its the 16th and already the atmosphere is changing, the horn blowers are blocking the port as they rush back to fill athens with noise and car fumes, the black clad hags are once again grumbling inside their hovels instead of shuffling around outside and horrible roy's horrible family have gone.
i do like a nice firework display and although even the shittiest of flashy bangy things going off in the sky make me feel like a wonderous child, a good organised diplay is always better. and amazingly thats what we got last night.instead of the usual antiparos ferry comandeered for the night, a barge had been towed into position specially the day before and the fireworks properly arranged to make a proper show.of course someone had forgotten to empty the barge of all the rubble it was carrying , so that for the preceeding two sunsets it sat there not exactly adding much to the scenery, and i think the theme from starwars blasting out from the stage where the village thicko's dance ,may have been a mistake,along the lines of bjork singing at the olympics, but then you cant have everything.
all said it was definately the best 15th august firework night ive seen here.
and papandreos said hello.
no photo because as anyone who has ever tried to take pictures of fireworks will know, it's best not to even bother. i have however done a little picture of BFFC to put above the story of that night.
i hope you like it.
and so we trundle along towards the holy grail of the 16th august when all these wanky fuckers start to depart and the nice september people begin to arrive. yes that includes you maureen and irmi too. maureen, yes it was the very same phd that left, and irmi,yes, the new sofa was dee's. you can tell that from the fag burns and wine stains.
a new headcase has taken up residence in remezzo. this one is about 50 looks like a fat vanessa redgrave and spouts mystical nonsense about "like , the planets man". she apparently spent some time india where she seems to have left most of her braincells. she did provide however, some early morning amusement last saturday when gail turned into a rotweiler and verbally savaged her for her complete nincompoopness
its been a long time since i ranted about the french. but as the wired cafe is at this moment jam packed with teenage french girls who look like they've been raiding ruby wax's dressing up box this could be the moment to reneiw my aquaintance with a once favourite topic.
namely how horrible the fucking french are. in the words of disgusted from tunbridge wells, "why oh why oh why" do they have to be so bloody loud. it's very difficult to explain the decibel output of 7 french female fuckwits without resorting to abusive language. you see.there. i failed. argh.
add to that the two greek ecapees from the cyndi lauper wannabee auditions that are obviously being held somewhere just around the corner , and you get some idea of the auditory hell though which i am currently living.
oh and as you may have guessed, they all look pretty silly as well.
this is not acually a bad thing as at least i can snigger meanly from behind my monitor .
dee has just left for australia. she is on the boat as i write this. last night we had a little bit of a farewell do for her in karens which was preceeded by a meal in levantis.the meal was lovely, the conversation between me, dee and dylan flowed and for a while we managed to take her mind off her imminent departure.
and then big fat fucking clare walloped in.
dylan instantly got up and went outside and i dropped ever heavier hints that we were not going to sit while she devoured the produce of several small countries as we already were half an hour late for karens do. unfortunately as the only hints that BFFC can understand have to be delivered on the side of a bloody great sledgehammer to the side of her BFF head an important phone call had to be invented in order to escape to the safety of karens.At which point she threw a huff and stomped off home and we all breathed a collective sigh of relief.or it may have just been that the amount of oxygen in the bar doubled as soon as she started to make hoof prints in the street outside.
a couple of hours later with goodbyes all said and 4 too many half glasses of wine dee pinballed off home for the last time and i wobbled off to remezzo- probably not for the last time.At this point sophy appeared for a bucket of suma, we laughed at the sexual health column in the paros life, (apparently you can not catch aids from getting a haircut), soph went off to the dubliner, i trundled off to my new sofa and that was the end of that
hurray horrible august with its attendant horrible pig ugly fat athenian families is nearly over. i know its only the 11th but for for us paros dwellers august finishes sometime around the 17th and glorious september starts.
thats when the nice people start to come back.
not these wankers with their spoilt brats and fat wives.
a case in point: last night round about 2ish some twat in a very big car somehow managed to drive up the market street all the way to the mikro cafe apparently on his way to enigma cafe. it was only when everyone started shouting at him that he eventually accepted he may have been a teensy bit in the wrong by driving up a clearly pedestrian area. so he parked up.Outside the church. Obviously intending to leave the car there until he had been for his whisky or seven.
no such luck as there were several threats to call the police. so mr big fat wanker eventually got back in his car and tried to drive back down the clearly pedestrian market street. And got stuck.at which point he started shouting and screaming and waving his arms around as if it was the fault of the by now quite large group of amused onlookers that he had wedged his big black shiny penis extention into a street barely big enough to hold passing pram traffic.
after half an hour or so of reversing and shouting abuse at anyone who tried to give him steering directions he eventually managed to enlist about 6 people to try and physically lift his car into a position from which he could manouvere it round the corner and back into the market street.
this was most amusing.
two thirty in the morning, ten men trying to lift a big black car shouting ena, dio, tria, ELLA. ena dio tria , ELLA.
it was like watching a live action re-enactment of the greek version of fort boyard.
eventually mr smallpenisopollos's car was in position and off he drove without a word of thanks to the ten or so guys that had helped him.
wanker.
and that is just one example of why we hate august people.
dont get me started on whiny winging greek women who have to sit at every table in the bar, study the menu for twenty minutes and then ask what we have, what they should have, (er... a brain), and then sit scowling into their mobile phones for an hour whilst not drinking the freddo that they knew they were going to order from the start.
minging cunts the lot of them.
sorry about the quality of the picture by the way. i was laughing too much at the time to get the flash to work properly.
so the party was good, nothing special but i enjoyed myself. i did have a bit of dj hissy fit around 5.30 when some twat in a lycra shirt started annoying me, and it wasn't to long after that, that i stomped off home but it was generally good fun, and i think vangeli enjoyed himself. also i have to admit to enjoying the look on johns face when everyone started dancing after he had been playing for three hours with nothing but complaints. mean i know, but i still enjoyed it.
also had a very special moment tonight when i pointed out to lovely erika from the supermarket next door, that maybe the hand gestures she was using to alert karen she had customers hidden arond the corner could have been mis-interpreted. hitler salutes however unintentional , not having a great reputation around these or any other parts.
erika being german and around 60 was particularly receptive to this idea.
i sense a week or so of abuse forthcoming. hee hee.
also on a sadder note my downstairs neighbour, the captain, had a heart attack this morning , so good luck and best wishes to him.
maxine arrived yesterday and so today i spent the afternoon with the mother of all hangovers.she is still with me now although becoming less and less overpowering as the hours go by.
the hangover that is not maxine.
this year as loveley lindsay, aka purple lips, has got a bun cooking in the oven, maxine has come with her auntie jackie who made the foolish mistake of telling me that she hated it when anyone called her auntie jackie. she seems very nice.
tonight is vangeli's birthday party , which means that i will at least not have to worry about driving home as i only live just across the road. i am being made to dj though which i don't really want to do because as i mentioned earlier i am still struggling with the aftermath of maxines arrival.
still it should be fun , as long as harry , bo and co stay until i get there as i remember last year being a little bored as there wasn't anyone i knew there. i did make the very good move though of leaving before john got into a fight with some knobhead from the hotel agnatia who was kicking off cos he wouldnt play any greek music. so hopefully a more peacefull night coming up as my poor head couldnt cope with anything like that tonight.
well.
i really don't know how to convey the horror that is helene the jazz singer.i have of course experienced her brand of tuneless bland barroom jazz before but only at a distance.Even last year when i heard it from just down the street it was only mildly nauseating, if slightly annoying in a mosquito buzzing round your head kind of way.Being stuck in the bar with her banging away at the piano and pratlling on about how we were "all about to enjoy some lliiiiivve jaaarrrz here in the wonderful pebbles bar on beautifffuuullll paarrrrossss" was more like rolling around naked in a bed of nettles except not quite as enjoyable.
later, after she had played jaaarrrzz for two hours or so, to virtually no-one except her completely hammered little band of 4 devotees who sat and shook their heads, tapped their feet,and banged things ,she announced that she was taking a little break.
ears flapped among the dedicated non-fans sitting outside and studiously ignoring her. did that mean that she was going to do more? why? for who?. even mad petra had finally fucked off.
ah........ As she told us, "this last set is for de friends and family dat are wit us here tonight in the wunderfffuullll pebbles bar".
so basically no change there then.
what did change that was their drugs had obviously started to wear off,while the booze by that point had started to kick in.no longer were they monged head nodders, they all started leaping around inside the bar while everyone outside looked on in amused horror as 'one flew over the cookoos' nest was re-enacted by the cast of the muppet show to a jaaarrzz medly of classic rock.
sing it with me my arse. sock it to me ,with a bloody great brick more like.
on a different note lovely eric and teresa left this morning.which is sad. they will be missed.
and the birthday season rolls on. monday we had bo's and tuesday tony's. at both of which i managed to snap a horrible picture or two of poor gail. but out of respect to the aged i'm not going to post either of them here.
probably.
no news about monastiri yet so i guess it looks like i've been retired.but thats okay as i will actually get to go the beach.
and another thrilling afternoon in pebbles is fast approaching.but at least i have been promised that i'm going to get my xmas bonus at the weekend.my xmas bonus from 2005 that is. with any luck the roof for my pergola will arrive around the same time and so i will be able to spend all night sat outside on the balcony watching tv at a very high volume . this will hopefully annoy mrs ping pong downstairs and so give me my revenge for the daily 7am furniture re-arranging sessions she has been waking me with for the last week.
oh and here is another picture from helen birthday as ive not got round to tranfering the others yet
so here is a picture of ermi as jahhhhn from larrrrrndon.
poor love, she and steve left for england this afternoon. she wasn't happy to go. she is even less happy now, sitting in a hotel in iraklion having discovered that their flight was at 2am this morning not tomorrow.
doh!
didn't work at monastiri today and i won't be tomorrow either. have i been sacked? well i don't think so but either way i'm not that bothered as it will be nice to have a whole day to sit and burn in the sun. probably the last one before september.if i havent been sacked that is. more likely is that yiorgos was pissed and just forgot to arrange things but we will see
okay , here is just one more photo of helen's party
it's helens birthday today and so in typical paros fashion she had a big party last night to mark the occasion.
as you may be able to tell from the above photo ,the party had a theme, which was ethusiastically embraced by all. (well nearly all, i wimped out excusing myself by having been at work all day).and by some........ more than others.I don't think i will ever look at alex in quite the same light again.
i took many many photos and so i can guess what will be accompanying future entries for quite some time to come.plus ive got a really horrible one of gail that should appear on these pages sometime soon. hee hee.
irmi came as a cross between tony and jahhhhhhhhn from larrrrrndaaaaarn, and steve came as irmi, several decades into the future.
in the cafe at the monent, we have a time traveller from the opposite direction. it appears that cyndi lauper has been catapaulted forward from 80's america to the present day.and she brought her legwarmers, (it's july on a greek island remember) , bublegum and enormous sunglasses with her. cooool. like er. not.
so more pics to follow shortly
ive been very lazy again with this blogging lark. it's not so much that nothing has happened, more that i've been too pissed to write it down and now i can't remember.
anyway monastiri seems to be going okay, i'm playing there tomorrow with john as my partner in musical crime. giorgos needing a whole day off to recover from the stupendous (even by my standards ) of alcohol he pours down his troat every day.
never , since the days of marianna at least , have i seen anyone as pissed as that guy. bottles of oozo hidden everywhere, sprite bottles filled with wine, etc. I like him.He makes me look like the perfect picture of sobriety.
gg has been particularly bonkers this week but refuses to see that she is being a trifle odd, and gets really really cross when any of us ask if everything is okay.i dare not say anything anymore and so am just waiting for the inevitable. don't know whether it will be push or jump but i can't see the current situation lasting much longer.
doris and the captain arrive tomorrow so there is a recipe for 10 days or so of late nights and sore headed mornings.
hurray , going out for my birthday meal with helen on monday, a month late , but thats cool cos i had a birthday month this year, only yesterday having got around to putting my birthday check in the bank.and it was remarkably easy, i even got a smile from medusa woman who normally just growls and questions me in a manner the gestapo would be proud of.
off to magayar now , having officially abandoned aktaia, or should i be using its new name.er... tango mar.
a new month, a new blog entry. well we shall see if i continue to be as crap at writing stuff this month as i was last.
it was the excitment at being published in the guardians readers tips that did it.
or maybe just general lethargy brought on by a surplus of visitors, sod the blog . i haven't even been watching tv much lately. which is a little strange .
and i do kind of miss my big box of delights. it's still there though waiting for my gentle carress of its on button.
boiling hot today and i was working at monastiri. all i wanted to do was run down the beach and jump in the water.that was not possible though so i consoled myself by pouring half a barrel of beer down my throat.
all in the interest of keeping cool of course.
all seems to be going nicely there, i am seriously thinking about trying to find a way to get out of being at pebbles during the summer cos i am really starting to hate it. at least having gaynor there is a little light relief cos she can always be relied upon to bring a smile to my face. usually unintentionally of course. but..........
and i have kicked the monkey habit
almost
and yes joanna, even though it took me a while to work out what you meant. it is simon
yes.
those bloody monkeys
oh my god those fucking monkeys are taking over my life. i find myself checking my email every 5 minutes just to see if an animated ape in a blue wig is going to say something else really rude to me. it has to stop.
and to those of you who dont know what i am talking about.....well ..... you will.
i have been djing at monastiri this weekend and it seems to have gone quite well. they even want me back again next weekend. its good having a complete (as a pose to an only semi-formed) alcoholic as a fellow or indeed, boss, dj. it means i can drink shit loads and still seem like ,well, someone who drinks shit loads but not as much as the other guy.
i guess its an occupational hazard.
as are the monkeys in this job.
you see there i go again.. mere moments away from kate, elizabeth, paul and the other one and i'm starting to fret. is there another message waiting , what will it say.. make them go away, no more. well ok i will just check one last time.
ok i know ive been very lazy so far this month, only two or three posts so far.
the family visit is now receeding into the murky distance and looing back upon it isn't quite so painful.ive now got an old friend and his new(ish) wife staying. they too are at the sunset hotel and love it for its charms and havent once mentioned the lack of baked potato making facilites, or the lack of toasters.
maybe its just that they havent noticed yet.
the summer in general is just starting to pick up, although whether i'm saying that on the basis of seeing a group of around seventy camera wielding french people being herded past the bar yesterday, or whether there are actually more tourists here im not too sure.still ,the first hot hot sunny days are upon us and not a sign, or should that be, whiff, of liz the pig woman.
arsenis however ,in addition to taking the prime position for complete loon of the year, has also adopted the mantle of least washed man in the cyclades and possibly even the whole of greece.
bye bye to andy and maureen , i wanted to get a photo of this years waterworks but alas it was not to be , still be warned i will be permantly armed with camera in september for the return visit,not least because after september there will be bugger all people to take pictures of for the next six months.
im starting djing at monastiri on saturday which should be good but more on that as and when.
so as its all over now and they have departed i feel i am able to do the family's visit withe tha aid of hindsight and without the overwhelming dread of knowing that shortly i will be forced to endure another excruating 3 hour long session of polite small talk about , well who fucking cares, small talk. enough said.
i must admit that it wasn't nearly as bad as i was expecting and that even , shock horror, there were fleeting moments that i actually enjoyed them being here. not of course while they were moaning about the hotel rooms not having an oven, "not even a toaster", or the lack of fish and chip shops, or the abscence of sangria and paella, obviously the most exotic dish that had managed to infiltrate the conciences of kirkbly lonsdale bumpkin land people. i did enjoy the obvious horror on their faces while i tucked into a plate of kalamari, which was to be honest bloody disgusting, second only in terms of rubbery chewiness to the steak i encountered at still water restaurant in antiparos several years ago. but it was worth ploughing through just to watch their faces which couldn't have been more contorted with disgust if i had ordered deep fried cockroach wit a dessicated earthworm dressing.
the kids were great, especially when they were alowed to be kids and finally on day 6 got to play on the beach and swim in the sea. suddenly it seemed that they were no more scared of the sea than they were of eating chips, which they did on every possible occasion.obviously jamies school dinners was not shown in cumbria. my brother stretched his culinary limits to the max with a club sandwich which he declared to be a bit odd but reet nice, although when i took them to tamarisko their best description of the meal was that it was "steady".
whatever that may mean.
most places were declared "too fancy", although for the last night i did persuade them into going to vanessa's mexican restaurant, where we all ate thai.
yes i know , but then this is paros.
it was surprisingly good and i have no hesitation in recomending it, as long as you are not particularly hungry and have deep pockets. but taste- wise it definately rated B or even B+.
i haven't mentioned the lovely night at helen and alex's yet but i will, next time.
so okay i was a little over the top with my rant about the lizard lady, but ah well thats life.
and she is a manipulative little madam who eats live rats.
and whilst the above maybe not strictly true, i do like to believe it could be so.
however........ irmi arrived yeasterday along with jean luc, and a very nice, if drunken evening ensued. today was not so pleasant. 36`c with a hangover serving cuwfee to french people with pussy boils on their noses when you`re not feeling all that well is not one of those experiences that go in the "this is why i love loving in greece" handbook .
i forgot to mention helens barbacue on sunday which was really good fun and all the better for being completely unexpected. it was almost like a delayed easter party but all the better for being now cos it was the first day of proper summer weather.
karrrrrrrennnnn just walked in and told us that a murrrdddddddured polish guy has been found down a well in the garden to the side of the londoner. but as thats all i know so far, thats all i can tell . more on that as it comes out.
and so reptile woman whom i have twice forgiven and given a fresh chance has once again showed her true slimy and very green colour. at the moment her scales are shinining brightly in the micro cafe........................but ..................hey , lets wait and see because despite the bullying of our favourite chef i doubt very much whether her new position will last very long. and lets face it she is virtually unemployable without him.
a face like a draw string handbag tonight,as i insisted on doing something, even though i had to take the computer only for mere moments to move some vital files from one of the hard disks that had crashed earlier today .maybe it was just her scales moving as she shifted her priveleged moneyed , doesnt need the money anyway arse, from one cheek to the next.
or maybe there was an undigested fresh mouse rolling around in her stomach.
if anyone remembers "v" from the 80`s you will have a vague idea of my meaning.
and now i found a picture, but you will have to imagine the booff ironed out,strangely similar after that though
just had a mamoth session with phd who not content with filling my afternoon full of tales of woe , death and destruction (and that was before she started reading my newspaper to me), then followed me here, and wibbelled on in my ear about..........well actually i don`t know as the fumes nearly overcame me and i concentrated on gulping in the odd available breath of oxygen, instead of listening.
thankfully she has wobbled off home now to berate her vegetable garden.
or something.
had a strange night yesterday with giddy`s mum and her , i think, girlfriend. giddy`s mum is just as bonkers as gaynor. but not quite as nice. her girlfriend pauline though is a bit too nice and decided that i needed to be clenched between her enormous 60 year old tits. three times.
it worked out quite well though because i had to make a sharp exit to avoid being smothered by her more than ample acres of boobyflesh and so avoided a hangover by the skin of my teeth..... a thick head doesn`t count....not really.
so well done pauline, my new hangover prevention method.
and the countdown to the family arriving continues. in two weeks time my mother, brother, and his family will be here, and whilst i am quite looking forward to the bro and co coming , i have an awful feeling of forboding about the evil cranky matriach.
i know i shouldn`t be mean , but i dont think i am being. it will be hell on earthe, for them and me. the mother from hell will be landing on planet paros early in the morning on the 30th of may.
complete with her temper and neurosises.
but at least it is agreed that she is not allowed to drive.
because there is scary, (like freddy kruger suddenly appearing as you are walking home on your own) , and then there is my crazy mother driving. if it is possible to imagine emily bishop on acid behind the steering wheel of a car, then you can possibly see what i`m getting at.
so 10 days to go until m day. can`t wait
it`s been an interesting weekend, if a tiring one.guess im not as young as i once was.
two nights djing and i was shattered. altough i suspect saturday nights lethargy was more to do with the spliff i smoked in the afternoon rather than any left over hangover from the night before.but more on that in a bit.
the wedding party on friday night was great, the people really nice, and the money fantastic.
it was at the lefkes village hotel in , well, lefkes.a more beautiful setting for the beautiful peoples wedding i couldnt imagine.they danced, the drank, they ate, and no-one fell in the pool.obviously there were no english people there then..i`m not one to comment on these things usually, but the bride looked amazing,plain white dress,minimal make up and wild daisies in her hair.the complete antithesis of your normal english bride in pancake make-up, a dress that looks like a christmas cake and 7 ozone layers worth of hairspray, fag in one hand and handbag full of cans of lager in the other.
mind you,it turns out she is one of loreals top models , so i guess its not suprising she had a bit of style.
The next day i went to their brunch party at hotel petres just outside naoussa, but unfortunately sian made me smoke a spliff with her before we went. Why i still fall for this every six months or so is beyond me.Shall we just say that an intense attack of paranoia descended and i had to leave after about 5 minutes and then spent the rest of the afternoon in bed trying to get over it.
i was still shakey at 11 that evening when i set off to play at linardo , which by that point i really didnt want to do, but it seemed to go okay depsite a few excruciatingly bad mixes.alexis came at around 2 and stared to play which really showed me up, but that , wasnt exactly a suprise.
anyway around 3ish i left cos there was no-one i knew there, just before around 20 people showed up.ah well, at least the relatively early night meant that i was able to enjoy a day on the beach at magayar yesterday, and a whole evening of shite tv. 3 episodes of lost and i was back in bed.
ah , a very nice way to end a very nice weekend.
i have gone on about arsenis a little in the past but ive been unable to illustate my point with a picture. until now that is, and as you can see its a good one catching the essence of his lunacy nicely. at the time he was swinging his stuff, at least his hair, or what's left of it to some wanky bollocks rock stuff.
i did take a video too but it's not very good quality which is a shame as it is well worth watching.
in other news i'm djing at a wedding on friday in lefkes at the swanky lefkes village hotel for some really cool seeming french people, so i hope that all goes okay, not least because its shit loads of money and they seem really nice.
not much else to tell though, its still a bit chilly and still very quiet, but i kind of like it this way
oh i always miss the good stuff.
jaaaaaaahhhhhhhhn and scary reinhart have apparently had fisticuffs in remezzo over the weekend,two days running.seemingly things culminated in creepy gollum -like reinhart being held in a headlock and then thrown down the corridor to the toilet on day one ,and then on day two the climax was reached when gollum picked up a chair to hit donkey man with but instead fell over with the weight of the chair.
shame. things would have got really interesting if he had managed to clobber jahhhhhhhhhhhn with it.
anyway i'm now making sure i carry my camera everywhere to record any more such incidents. looks like this one could run and run.
ahhhh summer's first squabble.........................
its easter saturday, or big saturday, megalo savatto, as we call it here in greece, and the man with the ugly stick has been out having some seasonal fun.In fact i think he brought a few mates out with him toinght, the man with the REALLY REALLY ugly stick and the man with the oh my god, should have been smothered at birth, stick.
and i havent even seen captain pompous twaddle yet.I did hear him earlier, wibbleing on about something in his curious take on the english language, but thankfully managed to avoid having my easter spoilt by getting video as well as audio.
So, in around an hour or so all the candles will be lit from the eternal flame that the head priest has just lit off his sneaky spliff while taking time out from groping the altar boys, and all the greeks will go home to mark their doorways with a sooty cross to ward off evil spirits, settle down for a nice bowl of lung and lettuce soup and drink some milk, cos now god's back on his feet, it's allowed.
well they would, but half of them will have arrived home to find the cooker has been nicked by albanians while they were at church.
i have been asked who liz the pig woman is ,and so against my better judgement ,above this entry is a picture of the prime beastie once again.thats if i can still find it.
oh joy,to re-discover exactly what human beings must have smelt like before the discovery of soap.and having to look up her cak stained pants as she rolls around on the floor trying to solve the complex problem of sticking her laptop's plug in the power socket.
see, summer on paros has its downsides too.
still on the flowers and trees and joys of spring tip. i really must watch myself or i'm going to turn into a tree hugging nice person.
actually as you know , the chances of that are fairly slim to non-existant.Especially if dimitris carries on being a prize cunt every time he comes back to work, denice the vebal tsunami continues her aural assualts, and liz the pig woman returns and just is.
see there's a few things left to fuel the vitriolic side of me yet.
as for now though, ah are'nt the poppies lovely.
2 entries in 2 days , my the joys of spring are obviously with me.
i have decided for the time being not to continue with my evil plot although its bare bones are still there, lying undistubed and ready to be activated at any time. and if that wasn't a mixed metaphor then , well, i have never had an evil thought in my life.
so dick dastardly can wait for the moment. i'm sure it won't be that long until he pisses me off enough to unleash my more devilish side. definatley weeks rather than months.
a lovely sunny day today, warm and sunny if with a bit of a chilly breeze, which really was no excuse for the detour i made on the way to the gym.To buy fags and have a quick beer , which turned into four, susan you are an evil woman.
now ssitting in the internet cafe doing my first evening with the doors open and being pleasant to people, well i would be , but theres no-one here so i'm safe from that.
later i'm going to play at latte and ive just remembered that iv'e forgotten my headphones.erm er oops.
hurrah, the end is in sight.summer is coming ,albeit slowly.
people are returning ,the days are getting warmer and even arsesnis doesnt seem quite as annoying.mainly i guess because i rarely see him lately.
tina is back ,if only for a few weeks until she goes back to pop the sprog.That was of course the big news of the last month and now that everyone knows i don't feel im doing a Dee, and telling someone else's news.
so congratulations . lets hope its a girl and then we can enjoy all those carrie jokes for a whole more 20 years
and after 7 months ive finally made it to the garage with my shitheap of a bike,mainly because after it blew over in the wind last week it seem to be missing several vital components,like the kick start,andthe bits of sellotape that were holding the non functioning front lights on.
so now ive got to bloody walk everywhere,and the strange thing is that im quite enjoying it.i found strange little shortcuts through grassy meadows, played with pigs and stroked goats,crossed rickety little bridges and generally just revelled in the beauty of paros at this time of year.
my god i sound like im on drugs, or maybe i should be.
i'll be walking round shouting about flowers and trees before you know it.
and in the other piece of nature news, tomorrow is the solar eclipse which should be quite interesting, will try and get pictures of unsuspecting tourists wondering what the hell is going on, and put them up here thursday. hopefully some fat americans will fall over or something.
once again not much to report.in fact.nothing. except its gone all cold again.
and there we are for this week.
more thrilling developments in another week or so
i have been asked for details about my cunning plan, but that would just spoil the fun now wouldn't it? all will be revealled when actually acomplished, and for this one to work it's gonig to take time and not a little patience. so no,no details as yet.
not least cos the details i havent fully worked out yet
oh it was so easy... too too easy. so easy that i even forgot to go back and see if cpt had taken the bait.
he did
the question is now how to proceed.
the trap is set, but how to spring it, even after the first bait has been hungriley gobbled............ i have the answer, i'm just not sure if i can go through with it. because if i get him , its good, so so good. ah we will see
hey ive been away from the monster that my blog has turned out to be. i guess i should have realised it would cause all sorts of problems , not least from those invaluable semi human creatures that that help define humanity by helpfully positioning themselves somewhere in between mammals and pond scum.
of course i refer to cpt and jaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnn from lahhhhhhhhdahhhhn there but there are others here too.
anyway a fairly uneventful few weeks.
hey big surprise there i know,but even so
ok shit weather again today after a week or so of sun and south wind and gales of sawdust from the shop down below which has been busy ridding itself of of years of bad painting.
it now looks really nice but as i have had phd telling me about all the woodworm killing stuff thats put into the paint here i now worry as to whether i will die horribly from inhaling the shit that blew onto the balcony
or not.
ahhhh um yes saturday. um well i did a big job on myself and apparently was trying to get into the pants of one of the art students boyfriends. um um well um
it was 7am for fucks sake, i know, no excuse. and i do remember going to the toilet and thinking oh my god who the fuck is that ugly cunt in the mirror
on that note it must be time to go
suddenly the island is full once again of shiny happy people. ok its not exactly fullbut there are nice people walking the streets instead of cunt english people, and sour faced gargoyles who have touble remembering that they do belong to the human genome.
obviously i am excepting dick dastardly from that catagorisation, as he fits into neither of the above categories..oops just read that back. wahhaaay cunt english people- er.... definition of.
so ok . the devil amongst us is still here but i have been astounded at how nice the people who are here for the weekend are.
today is the last night of carnival and they, the loons ,are out in force as usual, but possibly more so.
shaun of the dead? fuck off thats like a tuesday evening in may.
but sorry i was in a nice mood..... and all the people from athens that i've come across today have been just , well, lovely people
i thought i had to put this in just to prove its not all just negative stuff
no new dick dastardly stories today although i did see mutley before he slpoed off to clean his sty because the wifey woman returns tomorrow.
the last few days in the nutter zone have been dominated by the queen of disasters, yup thats right, phd who has this week been lecturing about..........well pretty much everything i had already read in the papers that she was reading to me.
sample conversation
"did you know about..........blah blah blah "
yes actually i read it in the newspaper that you are now reading to me
"ah yes but did you realise..................blah blah blah"
yes actually i read it in the newspaper that i paid money for that you are now reading to me
" but maybe you didn't know that blah blah blah"
yes i fucking know, shut your gob you stupid cunt and fuck off somewhere else.
that was today. i have had at least two hours every day this week including yesterday when she didnt even buy a drink, just sat there and wibbled on about who fucking knows what. at one point i had to pretend i was having a 20 minute long shit just to escape from the that voice and the peircing 4 second too long stares.
i now dread the time around 12 to 1 pm because its possible that if i close my eyes for only a second, just like the shopkeeper in" mr ben" , she will be there, perched on the edge of the bar ready to deliver a set of who- gives- a- fuck- isms that due, not only, to their delivery, are like listening to a milkman receiting his daily delivery round.
oh,and then the afternoons jollity continues usually mere moments after the prophet of doom has left , with mad vasillis, coming to stare, laugh manically into his coffee, and ask when princess maria is working.
now i understand why i started this blog in the first place. this island is full of fucking freaks.
roll on summer.
too too much fun. just discovered cpt hs been telling stories around and around. so maybe i should put back the post from a while ago. actually maybe not. Far more fun to watch him him flat on his face shortly and then dance around like a four year old on ecxtasy.
anyway do excuse me now while i put stage one of a completely unrelated plan of retribution into action.
and stage 1 is complete.oh how much fun i will have in the next few weeks.
drumroll please!!!!!!!!!
ugh. i know its getting boring now, but just had to sit in the same room as the unmentionable .Twice. The first time i wandered into remezzo after carefully checking it wasn't there, ordered a beer and turned round to be faced with the full dastardly and mutley ensemble. I drank the beer and left,returning an hour later after first checking the coast was clear of swamp creatures, ordered a beer, and what walks through the door mere minutes later but d and m again.yeeeeuuuk.
properly spoilt my day off it has.
going home to sleep the memory away now
but the evil plot has at last taken a form a think i will have great fun with.And voldemort is both stupid and arrogant enough to fall for what could indeed be a very crushing blow.
watch this space
eight days into the boat strike and things are starting run out, milk for example. another few days and i will be happily serving espresso only to any coffee addicts venturing through the doors of pebbles.ok thats unlikely with ipanema coffee, or indeed the idea of anyone except phd coming through the doors.
ph excelled herslf yesterday with an on/ off waterworks show that continued all afternoon, culminating in a nice big pile of soggy tissues that were carefully removed and disposed of in a hygenic manner, but the horror of that situation paled into insignificance when she told me that it was a shame i didnt like girls or otherwise we could have made a lovely couple.
in the immortal words of margie clarke in 'letter to breznhev'; "while there's dogs in the street?"
just seen the weather and it seems that even if the boat strike finishes tomorrow we will still have no ferries as now its too windy for them to sail.but at least im not working so the lack of newspapers will not be a problem.
well thats about it for today, no sightings of " he who shall not be named" but then im staying away from remezzo for the foreseable future as ,well, apart from susan , who the fuck do i want to know in there, and i really don't want to have to see lord voldemort and his sidekick mutley so why bother.hopefully lynne will be back soon and take mutley home on his leash and then when voldemort is there i'll just avoid the place.
on a brighter note, the wired cafe should be open again soon so ill have some pics to illustate my blog again, but now i think of it, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
ugh ugh ugh just had to sit in karens newly re-opened bar with the unmentionable,
i was happily talking to dimitris (as in, and mary), when the creature walked throuh the door and tried to start monoploising the conversation.luckily it was ignored apart from the odd polite comment upon dimitri's part. Which was very polite considering that he can't stand the creatures presence either,(i did hear a wonderful story about his wife , mary ,refusing to get in a car that contained the creature on saturday night because ,well it was in there. )
So very nice of dimitris to be so nice, but needlesss to say i would have liked him not to be .
Ah well.
I will needless to say be continuing to plot the traceless downfall of the abomination.
and it was a lovely warm sunny day today.
which was nice.
so ok no more mentions of captian pompous twaddle despite having to erase last weeks entries because even i thought they were a bit much.
although as i have already broken my resolution by mentioning him already i think im allowed one last go..................
suffice to say, in some way of explanation for the missing blog entry, im ashamed that i let a twit like him get to me again.i admit it. he held out the bait, and i went for it like a mouse to a cheese baited trap.me, the wanker for falling for it yet again.
still, no more as i have vowed never to even acknowledge its presence again, unless an opportunity to cause maximum damage at minimum cost arises, at which point that little dot will be flashing bright and loud on my radar.
with not a few allies, lighting fireworks, banging drums and generally partying like its 1999 at my side. until that day however..............................
oh and by the way to anyone who read those entries before i erased them , it was all true
just in order to clarify matters for those of you who have not been paying attention. mad maurreen that would be you.
cpt is captain pompous twaddle, also known as beardy twat, or occasionally after a particularly splendid bit of posturing,,,,,, old turkey neck.
so ok i hope that clears that up.
gobblle gobble gobble.
ok fuck it. cpt equals wanker tosspot.
"oh my all those sugar cube houses clustered around a teardrop shaped bay". bleeuuuurgggh
as i said . wanker
in other news , no. there isn't any.
wahey had a lovely day today, utterly free of weirdo,s twats and cunts. ok no so i'ts not at all believable but at least i tried.
in reality i had phd for 2 hours wibbling on about who knows what? i certainly was't listening. or at least trying not to while i got a list of todays current woes as she downed a bucket of wine and tried to convince me i wasn't going to get the money i'm owed. fuck off you spastic cunt bitch.
then i popped along to remezzo and spent a very enjoyable hour talking to mary and dimitris about life the universe and everything. i like them, cool ,sweet, intelligent and fun too. and best of all they think cpt is a pompous twit too
mmmmmmmmm very much people i like.
cpt on the other hand was prattling on in his , oh i'm just so (sym)pathetic voice about the worries and difficulties of being "an ex-pat". ( a phrase only true twatty wanna be upper middle class wankers would use. Oh hello i'm an ex pat .Just call me daily mail man, it's all true you know what they say about the country going to pot, and as for all these bloody greeks........ etc etc etc) "it's true, when you are so far away from home its so DIFFicult to find someone who really understands what it is EXACTLY that you're going through"
bleuuuurrrrgh, slime slime slime pompous twadle turkey neck wobble gobble gobble bleurgggh
drop dead and then i can happily enjoy just what it is exactlty that youre going through.
the oven doors in the crematorium for example
and back to paros after a shaggtastic weekend baby.
and its cold wet and windy once again. ah well at least i have disaster d to keep me entertained. and i guess she pays my wages at the moment too. plus i really enjoy spouting daily mail-isms at her and watching the reaction.
but i must admit i am tending to fall into the, all muslims should be either forced to declare the alleigance to the continenent in which they live or fuck off back to sandy land , camp. fuck off you cunty fucking areswipes.If you dont like europe then piss off back to the desert , roll around in your oil and starve while we develop alternative energy sources.and then go and get pissed to celebrate. lock em up, shoot em and give em a can of special brew while naked ladies lapdance in their cells.
police cells that is not terrorist.
oh how i fear the third world war will be brought about by these piss ignorant dogs aresholes.
dont get me wrong i hate jews just as much , and christians, and even the odd buddist has been known to wind me up,but only for wearing tooo toooo much orange, and red, and, well no thats it really with buddists , they just wear too much orange . no going round blowing people up, launching crusades, or dis-allowing bacon and prawns, just too much orange. and red. but they are cunts too. just to be inclusive there
fuck religious people of any persuasion. all stupid misguided fools. fuck off the cunting lot of you.
get an education. you ididotic warmongering cunts
and so ends todays sermom.
ahem.
yes i meant to do that.
big fat fucking clare keeps coming in here and peering at my screen in between her shouting sessions and if she reads me calling her big fat fucking clare then its her own fault for being a big fat fucking fat nosey american cunt.fat fucking loud mouthed cunt.
no no what gave it away................................i cannot stand her. one of those animal rights people who put normal animal loving people off giving money yo animal welfare societies because they are just so fucking pushy , loud and obnoxious.
did i mention she is fat and a cunt too?
and so to todays cpt story. well its not much, just that it's him and everything thats falls out of his petentios jumped up gob makes the rest of us want to fall around on the floor squiming with excrutiating embarrassment.For example," well when i recently filled the vehicle with gas , i was amazed when the attendant charged me nearly two whole time the amount i had paid mere days ago"
uh translated...............put petrol in the car and it had gone up quite a bit since last week
pompous fuckwit.
he is 42 going on 307, and a cunt. no, i think i mentioned that. or did i. well he is. a cunt
and now i'm going for the record. how many times can i use the word cunt in this blog without it being gratuitous. ah fuck it cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt
UGH how can i possibly describe the horror that is a pleasant sunday afternoon,hideously disrupted by the captain pompous twaddle armed with geegee the goose faced donkey. well its simple. i can't.
CPT IS ENOUGH.
But , and really its a very big but. geegee is enough reason to bomb the entireity of the united kingdom. There are many many more of those things there and it surely would be better to irradiate thrm out of existance before they manage to maintain a stronghold out of those poxy horror filled isles.
a deadly virus that turns normal donkey/human hybrids into the scary chimera that has so far only managed to exist in this entity.fuck bird flu, this is the terror facing mankind today.
Evil. stupid.
No, thats not fair, this ass/woman should never be granted even honoury human status, at best humanoid. diobolo beasty thing would be closer.
as ever this has been a charming dialogue upon the state of life on our little greek island
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, I FORGOT ABOUT SOMETHING.TODAY, whoops capitals should have been dropped by now , but hey, they made it loolk interesting.
I got stopped this morning by emma, miss dullness, the girl who could make a summer afternoon by the pool with daquaris look like a wet cumbrian january evening, asking me to participate in "THE FIRST PAROS CULTURAL WEEK"
Which would involve, on my part, teaching kids how to mix records , and play music.
if i fucking knbew i'd be making a fortune.
And anyway fuck off you spawny eyed waseck faced cunt, it's difficult enough to get work , like i 'm going to explain how to do myself out of a job.
jesus , i had thought that the womens institute school of thought had disappeared but then , they spring up again. Like fertiliser resistant super weeds.Do gooder spacker women.Cos sorry ladies , its always you lot.Men at least if they have nothing to do and are bored shitless go and have a wank instead of perpetually annoying people with poxy arsey charity shite, that couldn't raise a filcker of interest in a gas factory selling flickers of interest, and does absolutely no good apart from giving a sense of purpose to sad stupid deluded cack headed losers who have nothing better to do with their time.
I think i have made my point there.
its still cold .its still windy and all my washing is still on the bacony floor.thats about it for a summary of my life here at the moment as there is bothing nothing nothing happening here at the moment.
Although after saying that i did apparently miss a lot of material for the nutter section of this blog on wednesday, which as the more scottish inclined may know was burns night.To rest of the world in general the name burns night would imply an evening of frivolously setting things on fire i would imagine.Or even stabbing people you don't like , gratuitously with cigarettes.I have to say the second above alternative explanation appeals a little more than the reality of at least the paros version.This involved, somewhat predictably, every foreign wanker in town converging upon remezzo, getting utterly fucked and being cunts.
I really wish i had popped along.
captain pompous twaddle, the turkey necked twat was by all accounts on good form, as was jaaaaahhhhhhhhhnnn, who not content with telling all and sundry, a couple of nights earlier, that helens kids were/ are backward, once again excelled himself by displaying his incisive and all encompasing grip upon the state of humankind by spouting reactionary shite all night long to a group of similarly informed vegetables of the two legged variety.
Still, at least CPT managed full glasses of wine instead of the customary "just a half glass please" 15 times in an hour. I could wax lyrically about his pronouncements earlier this week but i'll save them for a later date just in case ermie has figured out how to get into the blog at last.
now i'm off to the gym ,because despite not having the slightest inclination to go there ,i've bloody paid for it so i have to use the time left ,before i sink into the bewildered alcoholic stupor, that is looking like the only way to cope with february on paros
heys its been a long time but as i,m now back on paros i guess thats not exactly ver surprising.
the highlight of this week was a trip to the big supermarket in piso livadi on the other side of the island where i spunked the money i took out of the bank to spend in athens, on a surround sound system.
i was supposed to be in athens this week but the weather was so fucking awful on thursday i decided not to go, hence the surround system.
its cool and very very loud so next time the woman downstairs wakes me up by playing ping pong at 8am shes going to going to get a very loud hint that table tennis playing in the morning is not acceptable.UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
Its weird im sure she can't really be playing ping pong at such an ungodly hour but i'll be fucked if i can come up with another explanation.
next time i'm going downstairs to take a peek through the window and if she is, well i will have a picture of a greek schoolteacher , probably in her nightie, banging a pingpong ball at the wll at 8am in the morning.
yes i know i really should have gone to athens. ah well the man will still be there next week and abscence does indeed make the heart grow fonder.
suddenly i'm reminded of the original purpose of this blog which was to catogorise and record all the various loonnies on the island.
well i was presented with a new opportunity to write about another frreak today.
this is one who was once a nice sweet swedish woman , albeit one who had a penchant for fucking weird tina turner style hairdos and leopard skin print clothes but still, a sense of who she was.
now however, zanet seems to have succumbed to the "oozo must be drunk at every possible opportunity " school of foreigners that live here in the winter , train of thought.
it's a shame , not least because it shows, but also because she was once a really nice woman, that shows all the signs of needing to leave paros and spend seven years in tibet.
i , i guess am at best, a borderline alcoholic, but that mad cow has done my head in properly tonight. silly drunken , badly hair dyed loon. shut up and fuck off .
but going to athina again next week to play with stamati so thats at the moment blanking out the need to be even aware of the likes of zanet, arsenis, (from now on to be known as arse), and vasilis, ( here's johhhny) who tend to be my daytime companions at pebbles in the last few days.at least arse knows i would rather eat even my own socks than talk to him and johnnnny is too fucking off his head to even bother with. Anyway he is in love with princess maria , who works when i don't, and always seems upset when i'm there, not her royal shrekness.
ah paros , im so so happy i came back
and so that was christmas and wasn't that fun.
well now it's all over and i'm back on the rock.I had forgotten that everything shuts here at 9pm, and it doesn't matter how beautiful and green the island is. you can't see that after 5 in the evening.
athens was great, sleep deprivation not withstanding, and now i miss the possibility of being able to go out all night long.fucking whiney cunt that i am.
and shagging. that was nice too.
in other news , we had a massive earthquake today which was apparently felt in egypt italy and the gaza strip, altough there it could have been the isralies bombing fuck out of a little family who's lemons fell off the tree a little to suddenly for the security forces liking. I missed it , I was driving to work and was a little bemused by people asking "did you feel it ? did you feel it?".
even dentists advert, jeff noticed his beer was shaking..........while all the walls crumbled around him.
i hope there's an aftershock cos iv'e always wanted to be in a proper earthquake, nothing too bad, no big tsunnami waves ar anything like that but just a good old shuddering of the earth.
and maybe a 2 metre wave when everyone is sitting on high ground.
except the albies, they can all get washed away,I would like that.
2006. well let it never be said that i can not state the obvious.In fact i usually seem to to say the things that most people are thinking but are too polite to say.well bollocks to that. Just say what you fucking think, it would save a world of problems.
The thrill of the bright lights is starting to pale, and even though i know that i'm going to be bored shitless a few weeks from now, i'm looking forward to my big bed. the one that i can sleep in without waking up feeling like i've been through some kind of mild torture that will render me unable to bend even slightly forwards. Oh and to sleep without chewed up bog roll stuffed in my ears to drown out the co****e chorus of hyenas.
aahhhhhhh sleep, without hyenas, or hugely attractive men snoring in my ear.
i think it may happen tonight as the queen of the hive is not working so the busy little bees may not be buzzing around.At 6.30 onwards.Maybe.Hopefully.
I spent all new years day in a very peculiar state, un-hungover, and able to enjoy what was a wonderfully warm and sunny day.I walked and walked all around the acropolis, plaka, and other bits of athens in warm yellow sunshine and decicided never again to spend new years day in a state of horror ubder the duvet as normal. Fuck its the first day of the year, and if it can be spent not only stumbling over old ruins but also looking at old dolls heads, broken pottery andknackered old 7 inch singles whilst weird men in taditional african dress forbid you to take pictures of them, while doing it anyway and then running off sniggering,then, sorry, but that seems like a better alternative to me.Even if i have captured an african mans spirit within my shitey camera.
And if thats the mans spirit, its very colorful and lovely to look at, but you cant actually see anything at all.
To be honest, i think the point that i took the pic was the exact moment that the batterry ran out and what i originally thought was weird spirits taking over my camera ( ok no i didn't ) , is actaually a photo of a junk shop. Well no i'm sure thats what it is.
Wasn't supposed to work today but it ended up being mad busy, which was nice as it was the first time this year that iv'e seen mommy close to how it used to be, and i met the dj i replaced, and he is not only cool but plays good music and , well no thats it ,ive had a niceness relapse. This must stop.And its time to go home and see sophy,and then sleep, ahh heavenly thought.Perlease dont let sucky sakis be there.
ax even here in athens, the bloody albies are everywhere and just as loud even if they don't look like bad boy extras from a 1950's marlon brando film.
sophy's birthday came and went and i didn't see her at all on the day proper, only for the two hours following midnight the day before,when i sat on a barstool in wonderbar and grinned innanely at people before deciding that i'd rather be sucking pus out of of a dogs bottom than spend another minute in there.at which point i went home to bed.
i seriously start to wonder whether sophy is acutually able to bear the sight of sunlight as for the 9 or so days i've been here the only daylight she has experienced has been coming through the front door after seven in the morning.
I couldnt do it. Winter gets me down enough as it is but never to see daylight is really fucking strange.
But each to their own , i couldn't imagine her in here typing this either.So who's to criticise.
This is one weird internet cafe. Fucking massive but you can't choose your own computer out of the 50 or so available and on the floor i'm sitting on there is no-one else. Except the guy who has just taken up residence in my coat pocket. Maybe it's like the greek way to go to the beach. "Ahhh there's a big long empty stretch of sand, wow those two sat at the far end look lonely so i'd better go sit next to them. Or better. On them. Especially if iv'e got 12 sceaming kids and like to play clip clop, hey i'm sure they don't mind being hit with the hard pastic ball every couple of minutes or so, it's not like were dozing in the sunshine or anything , not with all these kids around.
I must admit im getting sick of life here, i want my house and tv back, and to be able to sleep through the night without being woken by the cocaine chorus.I sound like i'm being ungrateful.I'm not. Its very nice of soph to let me stay but having to shove chewed up toilet roll in my ears to get through the night is becoming a little tiresome.
Luckily then i may have stumbled across the love of my life .Not seen him today, due to having an old friend freeze my mouth and fill it full of nasty sharp instuments , but that may be for the best, as absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder.
As does a profound lack of sleep.
I'm getting close that going home time but ive just realised that when i do it will be half way through a shitty kids film about a failed santa.On every channel. Except CNN which will be showing world sport with "me, terry twatty mcanoying", or even better, The World of Golf. I kidyou not it exists.The fucking world of fucking bastard GOLF.
Still, the man in my pocket is getting annoying,and i am in a tentative state of lurrve so i may just go home and dream about what may be.
And so that was christmas and didn,t we have fun.
Actually it was one of the quietest christmases i've had in many a year and i'm none the worse for it.It was something of a novelty waking up on christmas day - i was going to say morning, but that would asking for a suspension of belief akin to accepting that three old men carrying dodgy goods, and some gold, followed a star and found the savoir of mankind,bauling his eyes out in a shed on the middle of the desert - without the active machinery of a heavy goods vehicle factory somehow having moved to the interior of my skull.
I had even cooked the dinner by the time sophy emergerged,blurry eyed, but bushy tailed from her black hole.And discovered that blackcurrant absolute and oj is no substitute for bucks fizz as a xmas breakfast.That particular cocktail can best be consigned to the bin that also holds in its depths the recipe for cauliflower and orange soup.
Dinner was served, relatives were spoken to, and lots of telly was watched.
And then i went to bed after a brief tussle with myself as to whether or not to go out.In the end after a visit to the sub-artic depths of sopy's bathroom i decided it was far too cold to venture down to wunderbar and see sophy.Just as well i think or the heavy goods vehicle factory would be banging away today judging by the daylight streaming through the window as soph and sakis cackled away like the hyenas from the jungle book. I wouldnt like to be in their shoes today. hee hee.
But all this goodness is becoming a little extreme and as tomorrow is sophy's birthday, i feel a big night coming on, and as birthdays start at midnight that could mean two days of badness.Somehow i think that the planned visit to the fun park tomorrow morning is not going to happen.At least not if there's going to be any sleep involved between midnight tonight and midnight tomorrow.
more later
so far so good, no better than that it's fucking brilliant being in athens at this time of year. it looks as if i'm going to have arelatively traditional xmas this year...ie.. eating and drinking lots instead of just stuffing gods dandruff up my nose and feeling shit for three days. i think i like this years alternative.
i have to admit to watching its a wonderful life a day too early, but i did have tears streaming down my face at the end of it . ah the magic of george bailey really can never be beaten, i may even go home and play it again.
or maybe shrek.
mmmmmmmmm shrek i think, just so i can feel fondly about where i normally live.
then again no-one there is as photogenic as shrek or fiona.
oh to have some green trumpet eared friends on paros.
ok, i will happily be donkey, no the role of annoying talking animal has already been taken by arsenis and i am no puss in boots.
so its xmas eve and i am on the way home after another great afternoon djing in mommy, whereit was jolly goodfun and i get paid to sit and play nice music and shovel gallons of beer down my neck.
going home now before the video shop shuts
toodle pip
hurray, off this rock in a couple of days, away to the big city, people, life, fun.It all awaits.and is eagerly anticipated.
today was dull. I sat on my own for three hours and tried to find last weeks sunday times interesting but instead kept reading about conservative party stuff which was slightly less appealing than sniffing the used bog roll in the toilet bin.
Still, i got to beat my backgammon adversary and shout "loser" once again as he left the building.
Its a temporary thing, i know he's going to twat me again tomorrow.
This is the man who helped me throw the roller skating nazi tramp out of the shop many months ago, so even if i lose to him every day i do not mind.
I am a little disturbed to find out that he and his girlfriend, who i also , shock horror, like very much, have decided to shut up shop, (literally), and move to athens.No, no, all the good people are leaving. Soon this island really will be purely a home for stupid rich people with pretentions to becoming famous artists, utter loonies (often the two are interchangable) , and anvil faced albanians .
oh and nodding dog woman
But a stuart free day so all is not lost "de ye know warra meean mahn"
just to clarify things nodding dog woman is of course dawn.the hymmmmm hymmmmm woman who most sane people would like to strangle ,or at least send to some demon populated hell where all inhabitants are forced to jump up and down and just , well do something other than nodding their heads and saying " nymmmmmm"
cunt
thanks to davide for the lovely chocolates.mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
thats mmmmmmmmmmmmmm not hynmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
nod nod.
had a nice night in the all year round halloween bar last night, but unfortunately left before the crown prince of drunken tosspots and his bird did their tri-annual 'lets piss off every cunt under the sun act'.but apparently it was a spectacular.Maybe bin -laden should employ them to go round and destroy the tourist economy of every english speaking part of the globe.
he would be able to get his teeth fixed then. enough clues there i think.
on a brighter note, got money from ika today, fuck me 1224.60euro for , well not a lot apart from telling midget women with scouring pad hairdo's to fucking not push in front of me. wow, those albanian women have sharp elbows.
And really ugly faces.
And husbands to match.
What happened? Albania is mid way between greece and italy.Is that the place that for centuries the sent the ugly kids in attempt to purify the races.Or are they the forefont of an alien invasion of bastard pig people. i have never seen so many ugly smelly people collected together in one room, outside of a council estate in north manchester anyway.Or a better collection of the kind of leather jackets that make you think that leather jackets are made out of janice battersbys' cast off knicker collection
and now zebedee is talkling so ...
as you can no doubt see i haven't entered this hallowed space for a few days, and now i only have another seven days of stuarts wrinkly miserable wittery boring shite,however, as i missed the chance to put this up a few days ago, here he is as one of the nine ladies a- dancing.
And bugger the seven swans doing , well, who cares really?
ok they were a swimming.
I checked.
Very dull around these parts at the moment which is fine by me as i get to go home early and watch the zillions of hours of tv i've downloaded over the last few months, althought sadly anot a little embarassingly, the Gilmore girls is still high on my list of set the video for tv. Fuck there's only that , smallville and charmed. Just read that back, Jesus. I'm turning gay.What next? Downloads of Strictly come dancing? Whatever the fuck the fuck that is. Sounds shite.And the daily mail loves it. But thankfully with karen having now departed for the land of fried mars bars i will no longer be being influenced and spouting shit that weirdly i've believed until i realised where i read it.
ok i'll still be spouting shit obviously, but at least it will be my own personal brand of shit.
ugh nodding dog woman keeps trying to engage me in conversation about pat the postman safety helmets. grrrrrrrr
you see , there i go already.
just thought of an alternative advent calender.
only xxxxxxxxx days to go until i dont have stuart for six hours a day melting his face into the bar and expecting to be entertained for the price of two cups of tea, and sulking when i talk to someone who actually provides the bar, and hence me, with an income of over 60 cents an hour. so as there are at least another ten days to go maybe i can start with the tenth day of christmas and count down.Actually i will have to google what that is, got as far as 4 gold rings and that was it, mmmmmmmmmmm ten geese a laying i think.ok will start avrio with nine sometings doing something...............
actually , its ten lords a leaping and thats the first picture google came up with
so we all knew the good weather had to end sometime, and i for one am very grateful for those two weeks of glorious sunny warm sunny days. Not to mention that i really didn't want to go to athens for christmas if the sun was still in the sky and that lovely warm south wind kept blowing.However as the day has progressed, and the temperature fallen as low as stuart's jowly face when he's not the centre of attention, i've been increasingly happy that the big city lights beckon. Cinemas, clubs, people, REALLY big hangovers. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I cant wait.
A trifle upset that i broke my brand new super enormous hard disk though, I had days of downloaded telly on there, so it probably wasn't the best of ideas to drop it on a hard stone floor and then convince myself that it still worked despite the increasing evidence to the contrary.Luckily i don't think i've lost much music .Thank fuck i seem to have developed a generous streak and had given john copies of most of it.
And losing madonnas new one isn't really bringing tears to my eyes. Listening to it again may have done but losing it......... well, no.
There do seem to be a few tourists around again which is a little strange ......... as are they......"hey gee, why's it so cold ,this is greece"
"yes and it's fucking the middle of december you stupid fat clueless cunts"
"and if you're cold why the fuck are you walking round in shorts and t'shirts whilst the rest of the population are sensibly dressed in enough clothes to fill every oxfam shop in britain for the next ten years"
Gawd bless america.
Poor loves, they don't know any better.
As a footnote: I was so close to getting a picture of the hair shoosher today but alas. An old biddy with specially sharpened elbows knocked me aside just as the shutter clicked, and the resulting picture would be of interest only to those with a fixation upon toilet doors.
Blurred toilet doors at that.
sorry to mention the weather again , but today was very strange. another scorching hot day (but that combined with a relatively nasty hangover wasn't all that much fun), which turned into an afternoon shrouded in the thickest fog ive ever seen.To illustrate the point, a blue star came into the port and it was completely invisible. you couldnt even see its' lights. there was just the blast from its horn and the chugging of its engines .Very odd.
back to that hangover though, caused i am sure by two enormous gin and tonics.Not a problem in itself you may think, or the beer that followed them, or the wine that preceeded them.Anyway, i didnt think so either, at least until i got stopped by the police on the way home with no front light.And no helmet,And no tax, insurance,driving license or ID.I thought i was fucked.But thankfully and most surprisingly, after quizzing me about where i'd been, where i was going, what i'd had to drink (i may have told an untruth here), and a quick telling off about the light not working, together with a quick pat down, they let me off and told me to get the light fixed and go home. I still cant believe they let me go.The hangover was proof enough that i was well too pissed to drive. Anyway, i will walking home tonight and until i get the light fixed, and will be off the booze for the foreseeable future.
And i now like the nice police very much.
wow. an absolutely gorgeous day today.like late spring, or early autumn.sunny and more imprtantly, HOT HOT HOT. My face is that proverbial baboons arse colour again, even to the point where there are little white marks when i press my fingers on it.I didnt expect to be getting sunburnt at this time time of year and i must admit i'm loving it.
Over at the mikro cafe tonight its christmas party time. On the 2nd of december. Its karens last weekend though so she is no doubt trying to rake in a few last euro's before heading to the grey and desolate wasteland, especially after losing a veritable fortune at poker dice to my boss, who just dumped his winnings down on the bar counter, gloated and then refused to give me any of the 400 euro he now owes me, saying he was skint. Hmmmmmm.
And thats it for this fine and sunny day, until next time.............
wow now i really don't like the rude french speaking black man , he just told me to leave his dog alone when i was playing with it, erm close to chucking them out.and he's a spotty cunt. and as arrogant as , well ....., erm .. ok as arrogant as fucking george bush.
i think that kind of sums it up
hey its christmas,who gives a flying fuck. stupid people with stupid obessions to have a good time even when they're not.
and actually its not,christmas doesn't start until at the earliest the 23rd. and if you disagree then bah humbug the fucking lot of you.
i'm still trying to get a good picture of the shooshing man but he seems to a sixth sense about when im going to take the picture- erm the only sense he does have so lets not begrudge it.
and yes i still don't know whether i;ll be able to escape this rock for the festive season.
and now the cafe is full of strange french speaking fuckwits
2 days now that have been free of mad JACKIE. i think i kind of miss her.Or not. So, today a balcony fell 15 feet into the little street behind where i work.And not a lot else happened.
weird. no wind , cats, mad american mommas deciciding to have mountain climbling practise. Nothing. Just a very loud crashing sound followed by several smaller ones and there it was sitting in the street.The balcony rail from the extremly large house behind and above pebbles.If anyone had been been walking down that street when it fell they would be at the very least in intensive care and probably dead.
i kept trying to get people to hit me with bits of it in order to sue but no-one was having any of it. Bastards.
would have taken a pic but left the camera at home. double shame cos the shooshmeister was in full flow today, shoosh to the right, shoosh to the left, and talk shite, shoosh to the , etc.
not really got anything to say about today or indeed the bingo night, because even i have no words to describe the stultifying boredom that was bingo night at the mikro cafe.I haven't had such fun since my dads funeral.
I just wanted to put up this picture of an amazing sunset. AHHHHHHHHHHH
well JACKIE came back for another bucket of wine today.I had some paint to watch dry though so she went and sat outside and mumbled to herself for an hour or so, all the while shaking vigorously enough to give the impression that a small localised earthquake was taking place.
I must admit that i felt a teensy bit sorry for her but............
Tonight is bingo night in the mikro cafe. Yes, things are apparently that bad. I may have to sneak out the back door of the internet cafe to avoid being roped into the proceedings.Mainly because the assorted combatants are after my guts ( or rather my money) but i guess guts would do, as i wiped the floor with them saturday night at some card game they had just taught me to play. HEEE HEE HEE.
The money gained, has i must admit, come in very useful.
Oh and it was lovely warm and sunny today.
i don't know if anyone remembers an entry from months ago about one of the art students that looked like toni basil and was a bit clueless? poor fucking kid... her mother has been here for the last couple of weeks , amd quite apart from your mother coming to stay for last 3 weeks of your first time abroad. Erm , well to it it politely. this woman is a fucking screaming alcoholic NIGHTMARE.
This is me saying this, so the woman is beyond hope. Fuck. This entrant to LaLa land has a season ticket that would last her until the four horesmen get bored of galloping around.At which point she would be the one with the fireworks and the bottle of Scotch. Her poor daughter,i am going to be so nice to that kid from now on. And when my stuck up old cow of a snob mom comes visiting i will be eternally gratefull that as snooty, clueless, and annoying as she can be, could never, ever , ever, equal Jackie for sheer squirm value.
I will read this post over and over again next september to remind myself.
JACKIE, believe me her name has to be in capitals because so is everything that issues from her cavernous gob, spent 4 hours this afternoon screaming the virtues of every drug known to mankind, including afew i'd never heard of, but then in america they have all these, PRESCRIPTION FUCKING DRUGS, YA KNOW WHAT I FUkCIN MEAN.
and she didn't even WANNA FUCKIN COME HERE,AND KATIE TOLD ME TO FUCKING PACK A FUCKIN BATHIN FUCKIN COSTUME...................... Hmmmm .. madam , may i recomend alocoholics annonymous.
I must get a pic tomorrow, which is maybe a trifle evil, (bothered) ,because i think she thinks i like her, and would be keeping the pic cos shes such a cool dude, instead of a stupid drunk with the biggest drink problem since george best decided vodka was water with a bite of a bit to it, and want to broadcast her all over internet as someone to be avoided at all costs.
mmm delusions of grandieur there. but
for anyone who ever read "tales of the city".. Imagine Mrs Madrigal without the saving graces or the sex change and you start to get nowhere near even close.
Hmm must introduce her to to Denice the ,talk, talk, talk, alien invasion forefront, bore everyone into submission, ice cream maker from hell ,cos she makes almost as much sense. And shes FROM FUCKING NEW YARK too.
and so ends todays view into andy's world.
Bitchy and cruel enough for you maureern?
ok today is not so cold but as the sign that keeps lifting up and banging itself aganist the door can attest to , its rather windy.No actually it's fucking well windy.The kind of wind that doesn't leave me free to make any more katarina and the waves jokes , but it's close.I hope i don't need to spell that one out, there are far more gary glitter jokes to be enjoyed at the moment.
In todays andy biased version of paros news , bo has got me shouted at and fucked my downloading freedom, by talking shite and saying i had told it was ok to do blah blah blah when i hadn't.
covering your tracks is one thing, blaming someone else isn't. and when covering your tracks by dropping someone else in the shit is a blatant lie ........................................
so. bo is now number two after jaaaaaaahhhhhhhn.
but i have to be nice or marta will get pissed off and just close the cafe so this is a simmering feud that will have to wait. but reptilian smiles or not, i will have a little revenge by disallowing any foul bob dylan downloads.
Easy.
well pissed off especially as i taught her how to do it
too long now without any photo's so i think i'm going to have to find another of jahhhhhhhhhhn, not because he's been obnoxious again or anything like that.Just because he is.
So any other news? No. Not really.Its once again pissing down with rain, my pergola still hasn't been built,depite all its constituent parts living on my balcony for the best part of a week now, and ive still not dared to turn on the central heating for the fear of having another early morning confrontation with zitface from downstairs.Actually if i;m honest it's probably got more to do with being so pissed every time i get home i wouldn't notice if my house had been converted into a walk-in cold storage area.
Its winter, there's fuck all else to do , and since i discovered the left over wine supply from levantis its free too.Hurrah,me like free wine supplies.Still, i'd rather be drinking free booze in mommy at christmas than sitting in pebbles banging my head on the bar for want of anything better to do.
Plus i may actually even get paid if i go to work in mommy
Which is always nice
and guess what? winter was only teasing us with a momentary respite. he's back and come with heavy duty boots on. its fucking freezing and forcast to get more so.
Had a good row with the silly teacher bitch who came pounding on me door in the morning yesterday and ranted in greek at me about the heating bill , continuing even when it became tranparently obvious that i didnt have a clue what she was on about.Later on i managed to work out , with the help of a friend and a dictionary ,that she seems to expect me to pay for the central heating bill for the 3 apartments that use the same oil tank. Fair enough you might say, except that i havent turned mine on yet , for precisely this reason, and the fact that all the apartments are individually metered and mine says zero oil consumed. So she can fuck off and take her zit faced whiney nonsense elsewhere.BIG zit problem by the way!
On a lighter note, i went to pay off a little of my bill at remezzo last night and found a full on derro party happening,I made my excuses and left as soon as the money had been handed over but not before i got to experience jane, the nice lady married to , or simply living with, jaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhn from laaaaaaahrndaaaaarrrrrrrrrn, jitterbugging with arsenis. yes arsenis of the shooshing hair! so with a big smile on my face i made my way home to the un-centrally heated flat. the only thing is now that iv'e got to wait and see how this all turns out before i can put the bloody thing on. still got air con and thats cheaper so it will have to do.
Evil angelika has just been in ,squinting at a screen but thankfully now she's gone so i'm closing the cafe, and this entry to the weird and wonderful world of paros life.
hopefully i'll be escaping to athens for xmas soon , working at mommy again.i'm just waiting for the call to say yes and then i can start looking forward to another narcotically inspired christmas period.Fuck knows what will be written here if it all comes together.even less sense than usual i'd imagine.
ah well
today was a beautiful warm sunny day and even though its now cold enough to make "the lion, the witch and the wardrobe" look like an advert for summer adventure holidays, i'm still in a warm and sunny mood.Its strange how people become all nice and forgiving when the sun comes out- in winter at least.After saying that , Jaaaahhhhhhn is still a wispy haired tosser with a ponytail. Hiawatha he aint, more like the fucker who comes round to unblock the drain and then leaves it worse than it was before........ "gavnor" .....................'s'broke init"
Still as i was saying , an amazingly lovely day, i even sat outside in a tshirt and slightly burnt my face in the sun.Only yesterday it seemed that winter had set in for at least 5 months, and today its early autumn again. Who knows , maybe i'll be going swimming in the morning.
I did try and get a picture of arsenis swinging his hair around this morning but he cottoned on and did one sharpish. Just as the shutter clicked.I really must learn to be more subtle in my paparazi style chronacling of the weird and not so wonderful of paros.
in response to maureen who wanted more details about jaaaaaahhhhhhhhhns outbursts, it seems the bald and yet ponytailed wanker from lahhhhndahn has now decided-in the absence of anyone eho would actually challenge the jumped up old cunt-that all us who happen to not be heterosexual only do it to be trendy.
ah poor love. does he not have any idea of the wrath that will shortly descend upon his shiny wispy little entrails attached empty head. iv'e run out of donkey pictures for the moment though so i guess i'll have to go back to the photoshop thing.Can i be arsed though? Thats the question.
in other news, well, it rained . Lots. And bloody bo has stared downloadeding stuff which means i can't while she is here. Doh. It took me at least a month to get downloading priveldges.Not fair.
And i'm a mean sulky twat who doesn't want to share, yeah i know.
but downloading fucking bob dylan, it's an insult to the internet. bob fucking dylan.
wow now its really raining.
inside as well as out
ithink i may have to go and fix this
it seems our dear friend jahhhhhn from london has been shouting his malformed ugly little gob off again just as i'd put him onto the backburner of evil 'got to get you ,you wanker, schemes'. But hey ,he's right back up there at the top of the list.
I feel sorry for poor susan, meek and mild thing that she is , er , well maybe not, but as well as the evil streak we know and love her for, she has this strange inability to smash bottles of heavy stuff over the heads of fucking tosspot wankers who are offending her.I would just ban the cunt cos after all there is no-where else he could go,being the arse from larndarn that he is, and so he'd soon come crawling back, cap in hand , full of apologetic crawling apologies.
bag of shite.
should be interesting now that he's got two evil streaks to mess with.
cunt.
It has been suggested that i seem to have gone all quiet of late.Well that's cos there's bugger all to write about, unless you count the 50E i lost at poker dice last night, but that i feel is a subject best forgotten.
On the weirdo front , Arsenis has regained pole position,although i'm not sure he ever lost it, at least not since evil pig beasty woman left to guard the severn bridge.Our Arsensis has taken rather a shine to poor marina and is now to be found wibbling on at her every morning in the mikro cafe, all the while admiring his reflection in the mirror and shooshing his strange slipped down the back of his head hairstyle like he is claudia schiffer doing a shampoo commercial.
It would be funny if it wasn't so unnerving. no, actually i take that back, it is funny.
Very.
must try and get a picture of the shooshing tomorrow morning, you will see what i mean.
Currently listening to bossa 'n' stones. awesome, and certain to piss off all the moany old gits.Rolling stones song covered by winsome girlies in a bossa style.In places a bit annoying but mostly it works brilliantly.'Start me up ' cha cha cha anyone?
this particularly actractive waste of human organs was to to be found on paros last weekend.He doesnt usually come to parikia "or indeed paros because , well you know it's not really my scene , it' s not really greece is it but upon seeing your jazz bar sign i felt i had to investigate further, but now this isnt really jazz is it, and anyway i hate the sound of the human voice , much prefer intstrumental jazz myself,and blah blah fucking pompous twit blahdy fucking blah"
"oozo , now really it is the devils drink isnt it but its bloody cheap and i think i may well have another"
and another
and another.
AT this point my shift was over and i left him to dimitris, coughing, spluttering, and generally just being a twat, leaving his mark upon the bar in a very unusual shade of gooey phlegm.
I went back a couple of hours later and found in the state you can see above. Apparently he by this point had already fallen on the floor twice and been picked up without even waking up.
The next day he came back and did it all again without even a hint of shame.
And thats why i dont live in England. Binge drinking geriatrics.And cheap ones at that.
what was i thinking.? Halloween, over and done with, it's just the start of the season for the goblins and trolls that live here all year round.They are everywhere,.Scowling albanians,mountain people and freakaks with two heads.
HEY welcome to paros after dark
freakakaks was obviously a mistake , but i think i may have just coined a new phrase.
why do albanians have to be so fucking horrible. Such up their own arse cunts. Rude fucking tosspots. Jesus, if they thet weren't so fucking rude no-one would have a problem. These pig farming peasants who didn't even have a chicken let alone a pig 10 years ago are acting like they are rupert murdoch.
piss poor shiteheads that have won the immigration lottery,they are allowed to stay in greece . The poorest country out of the old eu members is forced to acommodate theives and arseholes.
Fuck thats bad of me. I know its only a small minority of the fuckers but they are so obvious they make things bad for the other 97 percent.
wow this is a rant but i had to write it, i'm sick of people being politically correct and not accepting the truth about this little island that is home to people from all over the world, and always has been.But these shitty wankers are fucking our international community. Foreigner is seen as a bad word again.
and i remember the years before greece was invaded by these ungrateful peasants, when it was the normal thing to do to leave your house open in case someone came round, and i miss that greece and that paros.
oh and they're pig ugly too, like liz the pig babe in earlier enties
last night was a weird one.I had to work in pebbles and boy was it dead.Until around nine-ish that is , when around thirty people crammed themselves in and sat around for half an hour deciding what to drink and them individually ordering.It turned out that they were having a birthday party and were waiting for the woman whose birthday it was, so that she could tell them all to get a drink and she was paying.
So they did
.Get a drink.
And then they sat there for three hours clutching it.
one drink each , the tight cunts, and that was paid for by the mad ex cleaner of pebbles who told me she had worked there for years ((erm not)), maybe expecting a hefty discount on her bill.
after about an hour, the guitars came out and all assembled groaned along to traditional greek songs, at least i assume they were traditional old songs because the singer didn't seem to know "shake it" or "i'm your number one", or indeed seem too happy that they were suggested.It was fucking torture made all the worse by the lack of money being taken over the bar. I really wouldn't have minded if they were spending money, but to come in , take over the entire bar and then not spend any money was a little much
Bastard teachers.For that is what they were.
I was quite fond of the little troll woman who upon discovering the drinks were being paid for by someone else, promptly cancelled her glass of wine and ordered a banana daquari which she watered down three times to make it last longer.
Class!
so, that was halloween.And now the winter really starts. No more parties and lots of nights staying in and watching tv. Which as i've just got a nice new one, and been downloading like crazy for the last few months, in preparation for this time, is not such a daunting prospect as it would be if i was faced with greek tv and 3 hrs of adverts in every film shown.
Pity there's going to be no more funny pictures of giorgos as a hellenic tinky winky though.
Its actually quite warm again today and i'm considering the beach, but that could be me being just plain silly.
At least it seems as if we are going to keep the cafe open for a while longer as sales have picked up since i got everyone to moan about it closing.Lucky for me as iv'e still got another twenty or so series i want to get on disc before we shut up for the grim months.
oh , the witch is helen from aktaia before she put on her make up
no, now really . enough said!
enough said
so heres todays jackass john pic.
enough of all that.
today was a strange day as the little old lady who lived next to pebbles shuffled off this mortal coil sometime in the night and the whole day was spent with lots of people in black sitting outside the old lady's house.And me wondering whether - or how loud- to play music ,if at all, in the bar.In the end i opted for craig armstrong's new piano cd which whilst not exactly sombre was solemn enough not to offend the dressed in black hordes.
fuck i wish i could type faster cos i had a really good way of describing all the old people but it evaporated almost as fast as the hideous facsimile of wine i'm attempting to drink at the moment.
Actually this stuff -kleoni- is pretty much how i'd expect wine to taste if it was produced by a star trek style replicactor. shite, since you ask.
hideous monster ex-art student woman is in here at the mo, the one that tried to pick a fight with mike the bona-fide boxer who was also an art student last spring, and built like the brick part of a brick shithouse. T0day she seems quite calm . Apart from the strange medusa-like hairdo thats waving around quite independantly of the air conditioning.Especially now ive realised it's not even on.
Oh and it's fucking boiling hot again.I don't care if it's only for a few days , i'm not working tomorrow and that sea is beckoning, hopefully not for the last time. I do intend having that elusive december swim this year.
sophy came back today on a quest to catch her cat and take him back to solitary confinement in athens.Bet he's going to be a happy kitty when he gets shoved into his little box for a an 8 hr ferry ride on the romilda only to emerge back in athens far away from the wild feline nightlife scene of paros.
Thats if she manages to catch him of course.
I did actually go to the beach yesterday but it was bloody freezing so i packed up and went home after 10 minutes or so. Needless to say, as soon as i got up the steps to my house ,the sun came out and went into scorch mode. ah well ,I did manage to fall asleep on the balcony and wake up with a very red face so the day wasn't wasted after all and my tan is now regained. Vanity eh? Guess it goes with all that fashionable gay stuff. No, dont worry doctored pics of johnny jackass are still on their way, although as the cafe is soon to be closed I dont know when i'll get a chance to post them.
I am sure an opportunity will present itself soon enough.In the meantime however here's one i found earlier
and of course as i'm not working today in the afternoon, and wearing shorts and a tshirt, it's getting all bloody cloudy and chilly again after days of glorious hot sunshine.Ok i did sit very happily on delphini beach the other day sunning myself and slumbering in the warm late october sun.I was happy until a family of singing french twats plonked themselves down next to me and started, well, singing.Cunts.
And speaking of cunts, jackass john apologised last night.He's still a cunt though.Maybe there' s a bit of french ancestry in there. I did however meet a very nice french lady in the last few days. And got very very pissed with her and her two mates last night,in fact i think i'm still a bit wobbly at the mo.I have vague , very vague memories of coming back to the cafe late last night and trying to decide whether or not to sleep on the couch cos i was too pissed to drive home.Luckily the nice man who drives you and your bike home and then disappears without trace came round.What would we all do without him?
oops . in the doghouse today cos forgot to turn off one of the computers last night and at 10.29 this morning it started gushing smoke. Luckily gorgos was here and pulled the plug.But it shouldn't bloody happen in the first place, and if it was two weeks ago they would all have been on at that time anyway. But still i feel a bit guilty.
At the time i was at the port waving goodbye to irmi who is going to bristol for the winter.
then i came back and got told about the burning computer,which as i rushed into the cafe discovered to be a bit of an exageration.Hopefully it's still under guarrentee and i'm not going to have to pay for a new one.Maybe buying surge protector plugs would be a good idea.
about four hours later, after one of the three people who came into pebbles this afternoon went to the toilet, I needed a pee and so went in after her.Fuck. that woman must be very ill. i have never smelt anything like it, but unfortunately was so desperate that i had to continue even after my held breath had been used up and i was forced to inhale. At which point I retched. Loudly.And repeatedly.And then forced the remaining pee out and ran outside loudly gasping for air, retched once more and then turned to find the womans husband standing watching me.And so todays' entry ends where it started.
Oops.
couldnt resist putting another pic of jahhhn up here.
the tit has had 2 opportunities to apologise , but he hasn't so now the wrath of khan-or in this case, kirk- will be visited upon the foolish -panama be-hatted- wanker.
oh little does jackass jahhhn realise the storms of belittlement that are currently brewing.
i like having an enemy. It gives me purpose. a shape in my life around which to concentrate all the silly things that annoy me and direct them into a swirling maelstrom of destructive nastiness that i can point in one direction.
And it's winter and there is bugger all else to do.
The problem, the only problem, is deciding how far to go..................................
hey look i found a picture of janny jackass without his human suit
pity it wasn't his fashionable human suit.
still not worked out photoshop cos i'm a bit thick but i do know how to work a pair of scissors so johnny fattypants will be having some new outfits at a pc near you soon
ok. the picture above is of a tosser. a full on self satisfied cunt.a cross between jabba the hut and frank butcher having a bad hair day
and thats just his looks, although now i come to think of it, add a pinch, or rather a dollop of boycey from "only fools and horses" and that just about sums up his personality too.
he apparently hates " fashionable gays" ,"got no problem with real queers but those that do it just cos its fashionable , fucking hate them."
and that in the world according to fat fuck jahn fram landan is what i am, a fashionable gay.
however not being liked , or rather "fucking hated", by a moronic cunt like him should really be viewed as a positive compliment. and has no-ne told him his moustache isn't really the best of looks for a homophobe.
er well actually yes they have.That amongst other things was explained in no uncertain terms. However despite already having used the cunt word to describe the cunt,what else i said is far too graphic to go into here.
anyway revenge is not going to be limited to giving as good as i got , or merely slagging him off here, i dont quite know what form it will take yet but there may well be a write up in the xmas spoof paros life about jaaahns private life that hopefully he won't see the funny side of.
as iv'e not yet mastered photoshop the above photo will have to serve as illustration enough for the time being,not for long though as there's nothing i like better than a cunning plan and learning how to do something in the process of getting revenge is always a bonus.Fear not, our jaaahn will be experimenting with some rather new and daring looks in the weeks and months to come.
oh the lady on the left is , i think, his wife. she's cool, and spent the night and a sizeable part of the afternoon apologising for him.and i would say being mortified at his antics.
but he's a fat fucking cuntwipe.
it seems winter is well and truely here, i'd been planning on at least another month or so of swimming , or rather lazing on the beach and occasionally wading into the water, splashing around a little and then returning to my towel, but sadly it doesnt seem like thats going to be a possibility.Ah well , at least i d'ont wake up every morning to find the duvet on the floor because it's been too hot to sleep under. There is something strangely comforting about the return of duvet season.Somehow sleeping under a sheet , which at the height of summer , also usually ends up on the floor, doesnt give the same feeling of snugness, its more just a way of keeping mosqitoes off.
so cloudy skies rule at the moment, and jumpers are once emerging from the back of the cupboard.
sophy is leaving tonight.it's her 10th last night this year and as she's catching the romilda , tomorrow will probably be her 13th, as a delay of up to 12 hours wouldn't be at all unknown for that heap of shite. i guess that means no more horrible pictures on mondays for the blog until i go to athens. i apologise for todays missing picture of sophy being minging at the weekend, but i was too, so i forgot to take one.
so what else has happened?well erm.......no can't think of anything, iv'e been too busy sitting at home watching "lost", and what the fuck was that all about? Lucky iv'e got the 1st 3 episodes os season 2 to keep me going or i would actually have to go out which nowadays consists of sitting listening to american art students talking shite. loudly.
just heard bruce in karens state that he is "NOT OLD" sounding weirdly like stuey, the baby in "Family guy". Actually it's not that weird , he sounds like stuey most days.
there is one of of the students i'm partictularly enamoured of though. She looks like Toni Basil of "mickey" fame, yes rags in the hair , leg warmers , the lot. what is so enticing about her is that she thinks she's the epitome of cool, and keeps holding court on such topics as how punk was the coolest thing that ever happened because without it we would never have had metal.
er. ok then!
i feel this girl is going to provide lots of amusement over the coming months.
if i can tear myself away from the tv long enough that is.
sometimes the rose coloured spectacles fall off, the shine of the Greece that hosted the olympics goes dull and you get to see the old greece.The Greece where people who work in the public services are as unhelpful as they can possibly be, because to be otherwise would interrupt their fag breaks, and after all, theyve got ajob for life anyway so why bother doing what they're actually paid for. The Greece that allowed the junta to power and the greece where animals are at best useful, and at worst, mere annoyances to be got rid of any which way.
Today was such a day, a visit to the Tax Office, to get another bit of photocopied crap that states my tax number is in the process of being transferred from where it was issued- athens- to the local office. This is apparently necessary because, well, who the fuck knows.However, there was a note on the door of office No 7 saying that it was closed on friday 6th of october.No problem i thought as today is thursday. However today is also the 6th october.And silly me , the fuckers had taken both today and tomorrow off. So that chamber of horrors will have to be re-visited on monday. Joy , another morning of being snarled at by miserable cunts coming up.
actually after listening to the posh cunts rah rah rahing in here at the moment i'd rather go to that hellhole every morning than ever go back to pissy england. rah rah rah we're going to smash the oiks. fuck off.
however the thing that happened today was much more horrible. John found a bag of puppies in the rubbish this morning.The poor little things had just been dumped there probably some time last night.He took them out and left them in the sun to at least dry out a bit but half of them were already dead.When i got there only two were moving , one of those only just.I tried to rescue to other one who was already stone cold. I took it home and warmed it up as best i could and then went out to get some baby doggy food.Unfortunately i think it was already too late because despite gulping down some of the food the poor thing died a few hours later.
What sort of person throws a bag of puppies in a rubbish dumpster?
I have a pic of the pile of dead puppies but i'm a little unsure whether i want to post it here.
horrible day then.
its october, and it feels like it too. thunderstorms , powercuts and someone else to say goodbye to every day.
on the plus side did i mention the thunderstorms.
i started work in caffe latte yesterday but it wasnt a great night, a maximum of about 6 people but never mind it was a bit of a crappy night weather wise and we are in "the transition period" betwwen summer whem everyone goes out every night, and winter when no-one goes out at all until they realise theyve been shut in their houses for a month and need some life.unfortunately by then everything is closed due to lack of interest and there's nowhere to go.
so they stay in again.
so this "transition period", i fear, is the transition from bad............... to worse.
actually i quite like it now, i stayed in all day and just watched tv without the guilt of wasting a lovely day. im definately a liitle worried though cos i even watched a whole episode of 7th heaven and didnt want to smash the screen even once. well maybe once.actually now i think about it, twice.
and it wasn't even raining at that point.
i must start taping it for whenever the house is filthy cos i seemed to get an inordinate amount of cleaning done.
wow its really chucking it down now, and maitei is running down the market street almost up to her neck in puddles.
sopy's nose is now better but she's still got a little bit of purple under one eye. All the better to remember that last day of magayer with.
SO AS YOU MAYBE CAN TELL, NOT A LOT TO WRITE ABOUT TODAY.
i know, i know, poor sophy, bet she never tries to catch a most ungainly lardy butt's legs again. you see it was a learning experience.i still have smidgeon of guilt though.
her eyes are now going back to their normal shape and colour but she has taken to wearing the plaster cast at night which is not a very good look.but then at least no-one will run her over............at least not by accident.
fucking knackered today as i had my first mosquito invasion of the summer last night, mainly due to being pissed (yes again), and leaving the front door slightly ajar.but the merest crack is all those little fuckers need to terrorise me all night. i didnt even get the satisfaction of spreading my blood all over the wall as despite several ,very cranky, attempts to squash one of the little bastards i couldnt find even one.
i did have the pleasure of watching a really obnoxious american fall down the slippy steps just outside pebbles today which cheered me up no end, especially as her big fat lardy butt was on display to two old men, who once they'd helped pick her up and check she wasn't hurt, promptly pissed themselves, much to her chagrin. i wish i'd got a pic of those big pink granny pants but sadly there wasn't time.
ok stupid american story of the day no 2
daft old lady 1st of all ignores me completely, favouring instead giorgo who is covered in shit from the kitchen and tries to buy internet time from him.now she is complaining that as she hasn't got her glasses she cant read anything and wants her money back. i would be sympathetic except that she already knew she didn't have her glasses and was asked if she would be able to see anything to which she replied "of course, do you think i'm stupid"......er well.........so no you cant have your money back you silly old cunt.just look at some porn instead.
in other news meanwhile........... congratulations to jane who is getting married on saturday.
in england, so i can't go.doh.annoying but i guess thats the price you pay for living in paradise.
so anyway congrats again to jane and the bloke.
ugh just had nodding dog woman sat next to me while i was typing the last sentence. "hmmm ngyhm mmmmmmm hmmm. hey who's getting married then mmmmm hymmm, nghmmm"
you can fuck off and die you stupid whiny twat hymmmmmmm nmmnnnmmm
wow, tired = even less nice than normal
obviously time to go.
oh dear. the bruising is getting worse. she now has two black eyes and the left one is getting bigger and bigger. it's lucky that irmi gave her the make up kit she got from russ, who got it from danny,who got it from who knows where, so that at least she'll be able to colour in the other eye to get them to match.
in other news the spoof paros life xmas edition is coming on nicely,will post some of the articles in the weeks to come. as long as i can find them in the rubbish tip that doubles as my living room.
any contributions will of course be welcome and published.as long as they're funny that is, and totally free of bollocksy artsy stuff.
you can email them to andykirk10@yahoo.com so i can stop having to write it all myself.
before hospital visit number 1
sophy's cool new look
with the astutely observed black eye
after hospital visit number 1
rememeber that phase a few weeks ago, whenever i blogged on mondays ,there would be a horrible picture of sophy from the preceeding saturday.well, the pic above is from last sunday at magayer on its closing day, when general silliness prevailed.
cocktails were drunk, headstands performed or rather, attempted,and then it happened.
sophy's nose got in the way of my flailing legs as she tried to catch my feet.
oops.
as the blood flowed and we all tried to pull ourselves together, it suddenly dawned on the four of us that sophy's nose wasn't occuping its normal position on her face.
so we finished the deadly capricosias,of course.Paid, and set off on a jaunty little trip to the hospital where the cute doctor who pronounced my deadly mouth cancer to be nothing but scar tissue, pronounced sophy's nose bent nose to be definately broken.Not just a little bit bent or bruised , but broken.He came to this conclusion after sticking a pair of blunt scissors up her nose, twisting them around a bit and asking if it hurt.
Which, unsurprisingly , it did.
Yesterday she went back and he pointed out to her that she'd now got a black eye.my god this man is a good doctor.maybe i should get the lump in my gob checked out by someone who knows what they're doing.
another doctor and an xray later the definative verdict came back.Yes its broken but there's not really much that can be done and there was no need to get on the boat to athens to get it reset.Doctor number 2 -who i should add was apparently pissed as a cunt from the night before- then gave her a rather fetching plaster cast for her nose.
Vogue havent exactly been banging on the door ever since.
but at least she's okay , that's the main thing cos i guess it could definately have been a lot lot worse.
and as you can see from the pic above, now we have something to laugh at.
so when exactly did this about face (i'm sure that should be in french, but i have no idea what the phrase is, and even less inclination to learn it), come about? When did greek girls turn from sweet, if slightly dumpy, creatures into the pouty sulky scowling cows that now populate the country? About the same time the majority of english girls went on a bingeing mission and got shares in the company that makes purple blotch lotion i guess.
one poor guy in the cafe has just had to put with a "how much longer dad " carry on worthy of a three year old with ATD.and it was his girlfriend who was at least 30.
What ? Did the caffine fix run out? After all it must be at least 6 hours since she ordered the last one even if they just left the bar.OR maybe its just that she hasn't reapplied her her lip gloss for an hour or two.
going back to the dreaded english now...............
had a very very powsh family in here yesterday who eventually had to be told that no, even though i have nothing to do with the restaurant, their booking had been taken, and yes, their reservation made, and yes i was sure it would be reserved and that i was was sure the table would be in a non smoking section and that................. well the picture is sufficently painted.
it threw the silly cunt a bit when giorgos arrived ,posh cunt asked him over and over again the exact same questions, as if he was just another one of the silly little men from the village too...............And was then asked what underpant size he was.
Kind of threw him i guess. not exactly the reception one gets from the owner of a posh restaurant in hampshire maybe.
don't know if they showed up..............
john's girlfriends parents came from serbia today along with her brother and cousin and really nice they seem too.I did think it strange that they brought enough food to bring an army for the winter , and then i thought how i am if anyone comes from england....BRING CHEESE AND CRISPS AND , AND, AND.
fuck its only ten years since britain bombed the fuck out of serbia and here are this really nice set of people coming to stay at an englishman's house. I somehow cant imagine the reverse ever happening.
serbia bombs london and in 2006 the parents of a young english girl go to stay with a serb boy in spain for example. yeah right ok.
oh. and it rained again today
on my day off
AGAIN
this is the way of things to come . i should get used to this.
its been a lovely day again today, the last remants of stormy weather have disappeared and the sun is shining but not too strongly.a perfect september day in other words.
i spent half of it watching stargate and the other half on the beach which was deserted except for a nice old lady with a yellow shower cap on her head who swam like someone from a 60's excercise video. ahhh.
then i went home for a shower to discover a preist blessing the building.bet his water turned to steam when he threw it over my house.must give that pentagon a fresh lick of paint now i think of it.
but back to stormy weather.........thursday night the heavens opened and the gods , the real ones, the ones that chuck thunderbolts and the like around ,not the one who let his only son get nailed to a cross by a load of men in skirts, put on a spectacular show.
i know i'm nearly 40 years old but i have to admit to having been just a tinsy bit scared. it was awesome, mad bad big forks of lightning from all around and thunder so loud that all the windows were shaking, ok with the standard of building in most houses here on paros i know thats not saying much, but my house was properly built, the windows even keep the rain out.
lets hope so anyway if that bloody god botherer has been up there with his bottles of holy water.
on a different note, after the priest stuff, i went for a quick beer before coming here and was happily enjoying a few minutes peace when naoussa tony and the smackhead sat down.that poor kid, i hope its not smack but he gives every indication that it is. rolling eyes, lolling all over the show, fuck ive seen the signs enough times over the years to recognise them when i see them.
yesterdays display was bad enough when pearl the singer's very rich friends from australia were sitting eating a meze and the smackhead kept sticking his paws into the dips and scooping out great handfulls. they didnt have much more to eat after the first time he did it and none at all after the second. yeah ok you're just tired, yeah right.
i left my camera in the cafe the night of the storm or there would be some splendid pics of jagged lightning forks at the top of this post, instead ill have to scrable around in the archives to see what i can find
until later
another day ,another nutter
this one is once again from the good ol' u s of aaaaa.And completely hammered.she's just topping up at the moment on a black russian whilst screaming at the ps screen.fuck i dont believe this howdy doody is here as well. what the fuck is going on ? do americans do care in the community too? But with an international twist.ie they just send all the nutters abroad instead of letting them loose on the streets to flash their pubes at old ladies like in britain?
And now miss loudspeaker is attempting to shout greek at me again despite having been told i'm english 3 times and perhaps it would be easier to comminicate in our mother tongue.And shes back on the floor agaian playing with possibly the ugliest ratdog ive ever seen.ugh now she's kissing it.
and now here's arsenis. scarey stary himself. what next ? mad bitch noleen? i shouldn't tempt fate. it must be the rain, cos now the pebble painting tip theif has just waltzed in.
please no more.
oops ,i just got caught taking a picture of howdy doody.luckily by joannas sister so thats ok. wiil post the photo later.
shit. the twat in the hat is back again.wibbling on to himslf while peering through the strands of straggely grey hair that poke from under his cowboy hat.For fucks sake we can tell you're american anyway ,you dont need to banner advertise it.
"now howdy doody ,i'm going to need some more time ,now i will so hows about i get an houur from you ,but now really will that be enough for all i have to do , so you know what , no i think, that will be enough, so if i just give you this little old coins here and then i can actually buy that hour and get ON the net to CHECK my mail. so is it MORE useful if i give you the little coins or would i be wiser to give you the BIGGer ones . well here we go, thats a 10 cent coin and thats another and well howdy there mr euro, so thats one twendy, and i need lets see now , another 2 thirdy, so here we go.
etc etc etc.
see i'm not being bad, he is fucking bonkers.
on a different note, all the midwhich cookoos started school this week.poor little loves ,they've only got another 15 years or so of that to go.I cant believe its nearly four years already since helen had the twins.
well howdy doody, until next time.............
so far there haven't been that many uncomplimenatary things written here about americans but how i have lapsed so badly i am at a loss to explain. the reason for this little outburst is a sorry twat who i am experiencing for the second time at the moment.
you know how when you are learning to read, you have to read everything out loud? (i hope that was't just me), well this guy hasn't proceeded past that point and is currently reading OUT LOUD every page he looks at.and not content with that everthing he is about to do has to be articulated.
"so now im going to check my email, which means now i have to go to hotmail, lets see that means i have to tyope the hotmail into the addess bar, there we go, H.O.T.M.A.I.L, oh yes and DOT C.O.M, you see now that works"
for fucks sake.
last time he was reading a french website and broadcasting to the entire cafe. i know an american that speaks another language , i should be praising the guy for his uniqueness, but it had to be fucking french didnt it.
and he's wearing a cowboyboy hat
and got a comb-over.
"so then how di doody i got myself 6 emails now i'll just open the 1st one and see what thats all about then"
well how di doodley doo, i'd like to shoot little old yankee doodle you.
had a lovely day at the pool today though, no wind , daquiris, and lots of silliness, which did include irmie and sophie looking at a mouse at the bottom of the kiddies pool for about 10 minutes.
it was a leaf.
here's a picture of our ex resident saucy swede who's en-route to london to start a career in pornographic films. the wired cafe will not be the same without her.and now im trouble, cos probabaly i'd have edited out the last bit of the last post but its too late now,sorry davide but i am a closet heterosexual after all. and chocolate is not the only reason i like this man.
but it is a pretty good one
erm i should add that davide just logged on and read the julian clary/ danny la rue comment.
oops.
and the kontiki tawts are still here. duuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
but now they have to go and wait by the port cos their boat is due in 40 minutes, which is about 37 minutes longer than normal people need to b at the port waiting for a ferry but then you know , you have to make allowances for people with special needs.
like the big fat cunt with the enjoy cock t -shirt on who probably thought it said rock
bad hair too....
and sunglasses at night.
one day this will be cool i'm sure , just maybe not this millenia
and one hell of a stupid thing that was to do . uh yeh ok i'll open the inerenet cafe for all you dumb as fuck konitik holiday makers who are stranded here until 3 am when the aqua jewel arrives. yeh right.
wanker
and now ive a half full cafe full of thicko aussies. i should explain
kontiki is a tour group thats mainly , but not exclusively, for dimwitted americans and australians who dont have the brain cells to manage to get around greece on their own. they need shepherds. fuck they are dim
as in not many watts
as in
well
daft as in fucking thick as a banks safety vault's walls.
and to illustrate my point i have a picture of a thick shit with a chicken on her head.
tomorrow i have to address the whole different topic of davide, the swiss danny la rou-a-like.
what happens, why does this really nice unnasuming guy turn into julian clary without the wit whenever a few drinks pass his gob ( cos me i'm lovely all the time of course).
i'm sorry but this is my blog and i can say what i like
and so can anyone wishing to comment
another day, another mass exodus.the port this morning was like it was imediately after the 15th august,people everywhere and all seemingly with the same intention: to leave. i didnt think enough people were left here to cause a traffic jam, let alone for the police to be standing in the road doing their usual cack-handed attempt at directing traffic.
were whistles not available in greece when these people were kids?
still it gives them something do, so thats nice.
its weird walking down deserted streets that were packed with people only two weeks ago.but very pleasant, even if the crackpots are more obviously on display than in recent times.yesterday i had two albanians wander into the internet cafe brandishing a tv remote control.(they were easily identifiable as albanians because both had their tank tops tucked into their too tightly belted grey slacks and looked like they'd been smacked round the face with a heavy duty frying pan). after much uninteligable mangling of the greek language it turned out they wanted to get the remote fixed.and so had come to the internet cafe. Because maybe in albania thats the place you go to get your remotes fixed, along with your chickens necks wrung,your socks darned,and lessons on how to get your hair into that 1950's rockabilly style. Or maybe just because they thought here was a telly shop.
the ghost announced yesterday that he wants to finish working in the white elephant on saturday,which will be nice.no more sitting next to a spectral barely there presence for an hour, trying to hear whatever he's mumbling on about before he trundles off to make his wine/brandy and blue cheese sauce of the day.
i get the feeling this is going to be quite a good winter, lots of people (i like), seem to be staying and with john and alexandra just across the road it seems like it might be a little more fun than last year.
and ive got central heating
and double glazing
and now even a road all the way up the door.
it was interesting to read in the paros life (that bible of vital information) on a page headed "DINING OUT", an article called "the art of breast feeding".still its the first thing in that rag that has ever even elicited a smile let alone an outright guffaw.
my god its quiet today, the cafe is empty, lets hope pebbles is the same way.
and just cos we haven't seen here for a long time here's a picture of horrible liz
and so im back from my holidays when i had a lovely time exploring............ well.......... nowhere.it was so bloody windy all weekend i that decided to cut my losses and just go to the beach at krios where the sun always shines and the wind don't blow.not so much anyway.
i'm not quite the scorched lobster shade of red i was aiming for but that could be seen as a good thing.three nights in with just the tv for company have also been pleasant and whats more, forced me to clean the house.lucky as the nosey landady popped round at 9am this morning with the long absent plumber, who is apparently going to fix my toilet today. only 5 months and 4 plumbers later it looks like i'm finally going to get a fully functional khazi.oh and a road all the way up to the front door.what next?front lights on the bike maybe would be a good idea.
we are now fully into the season in which every conversation features the phrase "so when are you leaving then?" or for a little variety "how long are you staying now?"
"all winter", i answer only to be met by uncomprehending stares.
"really?" "oh"
conversation over!
so its holiday time at last. a few days without having to sit sweltering in the boiling sunshine being nice to french cunts, spoilt greek 40something women with shares in the hondos centre,and lately, posh english kids on their "gaarp" year.
at least with the latter lot i have the great enjoyment of watching them go scarlet as they sit in the sunshine exposing their, pre-purple blotch lotioned legs, to the above mentioned boiling sunshine. poor dears will they never learn?
its too fucking windy though.
i was heading to kiffounissia, to a 4 sq km island ,beautiful beaches, no traffic, and some peace and well earned relaxation.however the wind is at the point where its doubtfull if the little ferry from naxos to the small islands will even be running tomorrow. and anyway, cant imagine being on a small flat island in approaching gale force winds would be much fun.
"what did you do on your holidays?"
"oh went to a place with beautiful beaches and watched them get blown away along with my sandblasted skin".
so i guess not.
now im trying to decide between not going away, naxos, and serifos.im not really all that bothered as long as i can just sit in the sun all day and go the colour a proper englishman should;
magenta.
the island is now really quiet again.im not sure if its the volume of people or the windy weather, but its really starting to feel if not exactly wintery,definately autumnal.
and i like that.
its still warm, people are more relaxed,and i havent got mouth cancer.
probably.
not mentioned this before but ive a liitle lump on the inside of my lip thats been there for months now and ive been too scared /lazy to go and get a professional opinion,despite neary scaring myself into stopping smoking and drinking when i looked up the possible causes on the internet a few weeks back.
more fags and booze then.................
anyway after finally plucking up the courage to go and visit my neighbour the doctor in the health center,it turned out to be scar tissue from lip chewing, which i must unwittingly indulge in. probably while in a drunken stupour.
hmm maybe i will have to cut back on the booze after all......
and ciggies are just fucking horrible so theyve got to go as well.
after this packet of course cos theres no sense in wasting money is there?
thanks to davide for the yummy swiss chocolates ive been gorging myself upon for the last couple of days.if you have never had swiss chocolate you have never had chocolate.
and toblerone doesnt count
but they're nice too.
especially the white ones
and the dark ones.
and the very big ones that you couldnt get in your gob when you were little.
at last its starting to feel september,a few days early i know but the relaxed air of autumn is all around.
september does have its downside though, its nearly time for fat al the lubricant salesman.he will no doubt be squelching around, all to soon,hence todays picture of him sitting at the bar in aktaia from last year.
going to try and get a picture of max, the wig man to put up here soon as he is one of there unusual weird people here, loaded as fuck, but totally devoid of taste and with a very strange unsettling presence,he just seems surrounded by a sense of wrongness, like hes a ex used car salesman or something.its odd theres just something so not right about the man the no-one can quite put their finger on.
maybe its just the wig
okay okay its a little late to be putting this pic up but as i havent got a funny picture of sophy to accompany the normal post saturday night blog,and as there're still hundreds of those horrible , shouty singing mingers, around i thought it still has relevance.
vive la france!yeh right.piss off back there then.
and stop bloody singing.
as you may have guessed then ,a relatively quiet weekend,especially after the hangover of all muthers on saturday it was time to take things a bit easy.my god,i was so sick i had to lie down behind the piano at work and go to sleep for a while just to be able fuction in a semi normal manner.
i did hear though, that my ex boss,the walk-in fridge on legs, is now on his 3rd dj since i left just over a month ago.oh and the only good barman has walked out on him too.so it seems i hold the record so far this summerwith 6 weeks under my belt. to say im suprised i got out of that place without completly blowing my top would be a teensy weensy little bit of an understatement.That poor poor partner of his.
im now regretting having the "i dont do mingers t shirt made" as i keep being stopped and asked what a minger is,. might get another one done with a completely made-up word on it and have some fun seeing if it catches on. although next up is cartman as darth maul.coool.respect my authority indeed
but after those particularly flattering self portraits here is one of a foxy little chick i never thought would be appearing on these pages. 
and this
however it seems only fair after all the other horrible pictures ive posted here, to admit to this
it looks like maybe don the roller skateing canadian vagrant,may have had a point after all
hurray its over, gone, done with.
the 15th of august that is.the port is, as i write, jammed full of people trying to leave.
for the 1st time ive been able to say"sorry im late, the traffic was awfull,got stuck in a traffic jam ,it was gridlock"...................... on paros
true ,nothing to do with still being pissed from last night. well okay that last bit wasnt true. my lateness was everything to do with still being pissed from last night. the hun had her birthday and well, you how one drink leads to another..........and another.........and another.
maitei is once again sitting standing outside the window fiddling with her laptop,maybe ill just go and pull the plug on her,hee hee
at the top of this page is a picture of the most boring man who has ever lived.this man defines the word, it was invented for him.he could talk a corpse into getting up and running away. anyway he wittered on at me the other day so i thought id get my revenge by putting a pic up here.
alanaki....................the walker..........................another one to add to the weirdo gazzette
so 4 days to go until the peak moment of the summer hits,then its long warm slide down to winter again.we are all counting the hours/minutes even, until the big firework display and the subsequent mass exodus in the following days, after which the island will be a pleasant place again.
actually i do like it busy and full of life,when im not working, or driving,or trying to find a spare inch of space on a beach.it is good to see the streets full of people and the bars,restauants,clubs etc with more than 10 or 12 people in them.its just when im trying to get anything done,like buy a drink, that the masses become a problem.but i guess without them there wouldnt be any jobs for us here at all.
anyway,today was a day away from plastic faced greek girls and scowling cunty french geriatrics,thats right, no work today, at least not in the bar, and very nice it was too
hence the pic of the day, even tho im not in it,and cant spell daquiri,i still can drink them poolside.
and did so
with the 2 lovely ladies pictured,and no wierdos anywhere in sight.
well, erm .............
so ok it was alittle simple minded of me,
a little naive
and not just alittle bit stupid of me
nice ,interesting, not fucking mad, bonkers, people.
where the fuck was i living sunday?
anyway things are now back to normal and the looneys are back out in force.
and the rose tinted spectacles are now firmly hidden away together with any last lingering vestiges of charitable thoughts towards the weirdo population of this festering rock.fuck its august. what was i thinking? not only are they everywhere , there's untold thousands of them.
how do we get down to the seafront, says the 4312nd overmade-up tart in melting make-up standing at the top of a set of steps that can lead to no other destination.
down the fucking steps you thick cunt how the fuck do you think.
anyway back to the weirdos as a pose to the simply stupid.
toad of toad hall arrived while i was having a beer earlier, with his finely polished uncle monty from "withnail and i" act. stupid fat ugly pompous red faced english man, round about 50 years old, definately voted for thatcher and thinks that britain is lost without her.
a snap judgement? yes ok , but one that has been backed up over the last few months by having him, ......it, in unfortunately close proximity.
and new scandi wanker called , somewhat unbelievably, "frank"
and what rhymes with frank
get my point?
and the pic at the top of this post is of the lovely tash who isnt,in this pic, lovely i mean, that i told her id deleted. hoho.
another sunday
another hangover
another picture of sophy looking minging at a party
hee hee
there is one of me looking even worse but that one is not appearing here any time soon.
so, another saturday night party, cool.this week at monastiri and it was wicked, a proper full on club night on the beach kicking off at two am and finishing well after the sun had come up.unfortunately i got pissed and went home long before that or there would be some really horrible pictures of the resulting casualties in the unforgiving dawn sunshine.ah well next time must remember to take along some pick me ups.
it rained yesterday too
which was nice
and ive just taken a great gulp of wine only to discover its fucking retsina.yeuk. the last time i drank retsina was about 18 years ago ,my first summer here, when we used to smuggle mini botles into the cinema,drink one each and then fall fast asleep long before the end of the film.ah happy days.
these are strange days indeed.the island is almost as busy as it used to be and the nutter quota seems at an all time low,there are even lots of nice peole here.
maybe its the hangover making me see lots of shiny happy people, or maybe the french have all fucked off home.
todays silly question;
why do paros people drive around slowly with their hazard lights flashing?
is the answer in the question?
it came in a flash\
hani
the mad egyptian
fuck its still the 1st and that means im really pissed again.
ah well that's what comes from having to sit around and get your friends jobs.
that makes me sound nice , what really happened is that i dont want to do it so im getting various others to sit outside the biggest white elephant of the summer and try and make it look busy.
hey maitei has just admitted to sitting here and peering at porn all night.
must be great being 60 something and still good looking enough that that isnt a disgusting proposition.
wow
but then she's french so that counteracts the goodness.
no she's parian now so all the goodness/ bonkersness still applies
but had horrible people on my daily visit to remmezo earlier.
liz of the famous underpants, her new piece of slime,the mad egyptian whose name for the moment escapes me , and a proper knuckle dragger, who fortunately had a big fat arse so there was lots to laugh at without even mentioning his caramel coloured plastic belt which in my book is quite enough by itself.
did i mention the lardy fat arse?
yup thought so
time for bed i feel.
on a different pc so no pics available this time but what a fun day.
got to my place of gainfull employment and there was still no water so i spent all day telling stuck up teenage twats that no, they wouldnt be able to wipe the weight of a small spaceship of makeup of their pimply little faces before reapplying, hence a great oilslick is currently spreading outwards from the bay of parikia as when they finally went "swimming", several thousand tons of melted make up seeped through the sand and leeched into our pristine waters.
todays pic is there just to remind myself,in two months time, that there wre actually people here this summer
lots of them,its almost as is used to be years ago,although parikia is still relatively quiet.
guess cos compared to naoussa theres bugger all to do at night,and despite big improvements in the last few years it still looks pretty grotty,especially down the bottom end of the seafront.
so, a couple of big do's at the weekend.
firstly my landlords party at which i was supposed to dj, well i did dj, for about 20 minutes until i had a little tizzy about everyone wanting dancing music ,which is apparently reggae latin and rock. hum, that sounds familiar,so i sulked and refused to play anymore leaving poor john to do the honours while i stomped petulantly off home in abad mood.
oops.
last night karen had her carmen miranda party.huh?i almost hear. well anyway it was by all acounts "a good crack" and i'm very happy to have missed it,opting instead for an alcohol free night in front of the telly and an attempt at a bath in a tub thats aproximately 4 inches long.
it was somehow quite relaxing, but i dont think i'll be having another for a while as climbing back out again proved a little difficult.now i know how an overturned turtle must feel.
apparently the fat fuck has found a clone of himself to play bad crap music at the rate of 4 songs a minute in buena vista so i am thankfully now free of that mess.
nothing much else to tell except for having the very frightning experience of waking up on the beach yesterday afternoon to be greeted by the daily more potty arsenis in a pair of swimming trunks three times to small, manically grinng down at me.not a pretty sight to awake from an afternoon nap to.
not had a photo for a while and so heres a goodie
soph looking evil at niko's swanky party at the weekend .
an annual event, not sophy loooking evil,that happens far more frequently, but the swanky party,and the 1st one ive been able to go to for a few years as usually at this time of year im working.
and indeed should have been this year.but as the fat fuck rang me on friday and told me not to go over,come saturday , i thought fuck him and the job in buena vista,and went to the party and had a jolly good time instead.
ahh the releif at not having to go there every weekend and have that lardy lump change his mind on me every 5 seconds .
and never ,ever, to have to hear bloody shaggy again.
i hope.
after saying that though the dj at the party was a little reminiscent of lefteris in the way he couldnt play more than 30 seconds of each song before abrubtly shoving the next wildly different song on.house to reggae,rock to hip hop, and in one memorable sequence queen was followed by the chareslton,still it was a great night.warm, fun and lots and lots of free drinks.
oh and the first nighttime swim of the summer on the way home.
and thankfully there are no pictures to illustrate that.
ok im being a bit drunk but thats okay cos ive had a serious discussion about religion and that has done me in. ive got got giddy gaynor and her dizzy daughter wibbling on about twaddle.
but thats not why im here, i had so much to write about that has just slipped out of my alcohol addled muddle of brain cells that i may just give up and go home
as a little bit of sensibleness tho it gives me great pleasure to say that all the crap i described in an earlier post about the beer acadamy has been taken down by order of the town council. id love to have been there to see the arguing but unfortunately missed it.
and the pics i thought id taken of the the monstrosity at its height of construction turned out to be be pics of the floor, yup i know ive got to get over that cowardice thing if im ever going to have even a little bit of paparazzi in me. shame though cos it was too too horrible to describe without the aid of pictures.
but to go back to an earlier theme
french
what are they all about then?
is it a cultural thing?
to be fucking horrible ,look like shit, be rude, speak french and shout
all the time.
except for the not exactly rare times they start to sing
er,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
french songs.
loud tasteless wanky cunts.bollocks to stripey shirts and garlic, we would have discovered the latter in our own time eventually.
without the singing.
did i mention they have a habit of singing all the time?
and
and
and
no
they're just shit except for the nice ones, like er, um ,well ,
fuck at least belgium has tintin
and snowy
still no pic of the frother yet but its coming as is one of a piece of typical cyladic seafront architecture,er not.the nasty tacky place next to remezzo, the beer acadamy, in in the process of transforming itself from a psuedo german beerkeller into a , well actually no,words on this occasion fail me.
its orange and black, has got chandaliers-and yes i know i spelt that wrong-made from, swirly tubes of metal,draped with chains, metal seats ,with enormous high backs but tiny stubby legs, painted day glow orange, and just to ensure you dont miss it as you're walking down an otherwise fairly authentic cycladic seafront, a twee little carridge that has obviously been pinched from the traveling midgets victorian circus.
i will put a picture up here for next time i just cant be arsed at the moment as im knackered from another weekend in naoussa.but this one may well be the last as the fat fuck pissed me off so much last night i was close to going home half way through the night.
shaggy for fucks sake, i can cope with most things but fucking shaggy, followed by" i love you baby ".........."happy music you see now the people are enjoying themselves", well yes lefteris it is true the two scowling trolls in the corner are now shifting their cheek butts from stool to stool but all the other people have now gone.five minutes and eight songs after you started to play music.fuck off you fat waste of limbs.
so guess i wont be doing that again then.
its bo's 40th birthday today,and its getting very loud over at the mikro cafe so i guess if i wait a while there should be some good pics for tomorrows post.
its definately frightening when you suddenly find yourself going to 40th birthday parties on even a semi regular basis.
funny french man is sat in the corner grinning at his wife through the web cam again, ah its quite sweet really, he spends 3 hrs a night doing that and has to drive all the way from naoussa.ahhhh.
so what else.........no i think thats it for now
its been a long time but im back with some more poison at last
actually cant think of much to write about cos nothing much has really been happening,the island is starting to fill up a bit,well it bloody should ,its the middle of july.
im still only working weekends in naoussa which im pretty happy about.it does mean however that the money isnt exactly flowing in and im still minus a sofa but hey, theres time yet.
havent got round to downloading the pictures of harryboy frothing all over remezzo yet but ill post them as soon as i do.thankfully the battery was too low to get a flash off in time for a pic of him flashing his arse and scaring away some poor couple enjoying their sunset drinks,but there are a couple of goodies to be shared up here at a later date.
maxine,lindsey and boyfriend have been here for a week and so tony now has a very sore cock but enough said on that point as some would say thats just gossiping. must try and get a pic of max hammered at some point later on tonight.preferably one of her on her arse with her legs up in the air like monday night when she managed to fall over every parked car, yes car, yes the large metal things you can see from quite a long way off, between here and livadia.
speaking of livadia, and here nev is what you were asking for,i went to a certain beach bar today and fuck me,that place has got to have the worst service on the island.maxine is not one to begrudge leaving a tip but when i suggested leaving one she nearly blew a gasket. and i have to admit rightly so as she would have been able to cut the entire bars hair in the time it took to bring over 3 beers and a glass of wine.we walked round the corner to see the little puppies some cunt had abandoned and the drinks still hadnt arrived by the time we got back.
on a different note,
sophy stole my penguins today. an evil revenge must be planned.
i hope they all melted by the time she got home.
not much of a blog today mainly out of respect to what happened in london
but just to cheer you up a little here is a genuine menu entry from somewhere on paros.
"baked lamp raped withe vineyard leaves"
until tomorrow.....................
and no thats not me its rico
he cool we like him
otherwise by now he would have been savaged for that posing
heres another pic of that sunset and also.............
cos i hadnt quite finished slagging mama cass .
she had a black bandana on the last time i saw her.
look iknow im no stranger to fashion disasters but a bloated olive oil doing the brutus look is just a step too far.and no ,its nothing to do with her talking shite and always standing just that little bit too close while she breathes her gibberish.
ok well maybe it is,
but for fucks sake a black bandana.jesus.
it wouldnt even keep your head like yer know, like cool.ah maybe thats it,she was solar powering her failing brain cells.
what is it with the welsh? are they all just fucking thick or do they originally come from cork?
that would explain the loudness and the need to keep talking when its been long since evident that there is nothing to say, and why are the rest of the irish so completly not like the thicko's from cork?is there a wall around that particular part of ireland that only gets lowered for 3 months of the year so the daft birds(cos 90% of the dafties are female) can go and shagged by a foreigner and so improve the genetic chances of the next generation.
but back to the welsh.
ahhhhhhhhhh she's gone and now i have to find a new victim.
short of choices? well no, its just a case of picking the most worthy.
and todays candidate is a very talkative woman called jen
ive refrained from mentioning her so far but she is a stupid fat cow
shit ,there i go again mincing my words.
daft as a brush, blond, as in stupid, and knows everything about living in greece after being here two weeks
plus she looks scarily like my lovely friend jo, after a weight gain of about 15 kilos.
"greeks always get offended if you give them tips" yeh ok dear here's a fucking tip for you....,...live on greek wages for a few months and maybe you wont be such a lardy knowitall bag of self opinionated shite.
"hey ive been working sooooooooo haaaaaaaaaard, its been like you know well the last 3 days and ive just been well you know, like well , cleaning , you know , like the alixes boats , like you know, hey well , no its been , like coooooooooool and its so great because , like you know.
yeah i fucking know you should learn to get something to say before you open your stupid great trap.
ok rant about new twat over.
and joanna ,who was in the last post ,in the photo, has provided some top pics of the rainy night, so thats what is at the top of the post.
hello to david, keep reading from switzerland.and bring ME some chocolates when you come next time.
and thanks to joanna for the pics of the the rainy day sunset
and what a summer storm it was.fucking pissed it down.power cut, the lot.
and then cleared just in time to create the most bizzare apocalyptic sunset ive ever seen.truely it was like the end of the world,everything bathed in an evil yellow light while the sun sat like a smudged fingerprint behind diseased piss coloured clouds.
despite that it was kind of beautiful!
strangely tho all the pics i took came out an equally weird colour,almost a negative of what it really looked like. hence the pic of joanna at the top of this post.
meanwhile .................................
hurray the beast is leaving,no more peanut head after today.no more frightening glimpses of her crud stained knickers and no more pongs from her sweat drenched armpits.
i know.
i'll really miss her too.
or not
hey its raining. yeh i know that not seem like such abig thing biut the last time it rained i was asleep, and the time before that was march.
so it is a big thing.waiting on a fucking enormous thunder storm.yes!
in other news, naoussa, or at least my little part of it seems to be back on track with buisness picking up nicely and complements abounding about the music.
which is nice.
and the buses have started to run at night so no probs with the cops and driving back hammered.
the bus last night was brilliant , like a travelling bazooki, loads of kids dancing in the isle and blasting greek music all the way back to parikia. i couldnt stop smiling, was lots of fun.
wow thunder happening now.its going to piss it down!
and it its pissing it down now so im going to stand in the street
which sounds a bit wierd but then i do live on paros
i knew something funy had happened today and that was why id logged on in the 1st place, but as usual i forgot and was just wibbling on in the last entry
anyway,
i was on the beach today dozing through my hangover when a big lardy beast of a greek woman started caterwauling."YOU CLOTHES PLEASE THEM ON I CALL THE POLICE YOU CLOTHES ON"
i have to admit the target of her outburst wasnt a pretty sight but then neither was she.
she was a pig actually but at least she wasnt showing her bits , i have to give her that. and she wasnt at all happy "YOU, I CALL POLICE NOW NOW, NO SUPERPARADISE , GO TO MYKONOS, CLOTHES NOW"
she got a bit of a surprise when the bloke in question, answered her back in greek and told her exactly how to get down from her high horse.
the funny thing was though that after the guy had put his pants on i noticed there was an equally starkers girl about 10 metres further on.and to be honest it wasnt a much prettier sight.but it didnt seem be bothering trollerina and her mate. or so i thought as i dozed off again.
but evidently it did as she was just a bit unobservant
and hadnt noticed the naked girl.
i woke up to the beach quaking as troll nuber 2 stomped past my head on her way to shout at the naked lady.'YOU PUT CLOTHES NOW .IS DISGUSTING CHILDREN COME HERE. CLOTHES. NO CLOTHES NOT ALLOWED"
at this point i realised naked lady was in fact german nicole who was busy trying to get her knickers up while being harangued by the mother of all piggy greek mommas.
laugh..................well wouldnt you.
wish id taken some pics but i was too engrossed in the action to remember id got my camera.
shame.
well its nose to the grindstone time from tomorrow,at least for the weekend as im djing in naoussa again, im kind of hoping it is only for the weekend too but if im on full time as from tomorrow that will be cool as i maight actually be able to pay all the bills.
went to alga last night and some big fatty was playing some quite nice tunes.and a girl about 4 metres tall was dancing to them.fuck me was she a big lassie.
more in a bit but just got to show double digit dave his box on the head
and so another month has nearly passed us by,its july on friday and the island is still dead.even the nights that seem to be busy go dead by midnight as all the french geriatrics trundle off to bed, leaving the streets deserted.
i quite like it like this, although if i owned a buisness id be getting seriously worried by now.
i know im missing out on work ,and so obviously money, cos its still so quiet that im only djing on weekends, but at least im still at the point where i quite look forward to going to work,so even if i do end up full time its only going to be for a few weeks as a pose to 3 solid months without a night off like last year.
and so to the pig woman story, no only kidding,she has been thankfully absent for the last few days.
and i think thats it for this lunchtime post as its nearly time to go and bored shitless in pebbles all day.if im really lucky mad zanet will come and talk about paint for several hours.
my .........facsinating!
and thats who todays picture is of, mad zanet/ja ja,seperated at birth
heres one for all the pastel shell suited twats out therehey ive just read some back entries and not only was i lots funnier than i am now, i left trails for several stories that ive failed to pick up upon since.
tough shit.
i didnt have pictures do do the funnies for me then.
however, now ive got the terribly important -and prestigous- work permit, after 19 months.and a payment to the the retired old fucking cunt army bastards fund. but hey thats fine so long as i can continue to serve frappes to french geriatrics, freddo's to arsey nouveau riche athinians,addmittedly nice pleasant polite auuuuustraaaaaaaaliaaaaaaanns, and posh rude cunts from surrey.
fucking hate the english .they are wrong.
and the french
and,well no, thats it really,
except republican americans, and thats just mean cos i know its bad to be nasty about simpletons.
even if they do watch seventh heaven.
but........
i know ive mentioned him already but im saying nice things and that deserves as specicial sort of place here on this catalogue of weirdos.
yiorgos the chef/owner of the restaurant attached.
not only a very nice cool guy but a brilliant chef.
and that is all my allowance of compliments used up until ............... well at least october.
luckily however the noise from the micro cafe may soon cause me to gain some debits in the compliment account.
cos its fucking awfull. if i lived nearby id be on the phone to the cops every night, or be bribed into earplugs or maybe a licencse to kill.
or just a big bomb
a very big
big
big
big bomb.
or not.
so , a quick resume of the week gone by................
errrrrrrrrr , dont remember much, except several hangovers,without anything good to tell.
can hear jack, nikkie and irmie shouting now but feeling a twat cos cant be arsed to go and join in the general neighbour annoying drunkenness.
ie. being a snobby cunt.
but anyway as i just heard his name mentioned here is another pic ,at random, of dangerous dave
the latest addition to norios menu
dangerous dave the human sketchpad
and so another week has been and gone
and what an exciting time has been had by all,what, with the arrival of the nashes, sophy coming to stay for the summer, scottish,(dangerous), dave being here on holiday, and aktaia having its opening(at night) party, the latter kind of incorporating all the above in one foul swoop.
except sophy cos she had to leave early after having arranged to meet captain pompous twaddle at the mikro cafe due to him being persona non grata in the livadia area after sinking boats, fixing sewing machines,dirty kitchens and other fine tales.
the nashes..........hmmmmmmmmm where to begin
jack, nikkie and the kids, maddie and harry.
all cool,and very entertaining,but heres a warning, jack nash on a night out is .....................
well,luckily maddie went home before jack started howling at the moon in the middle market st.
that would have been a reason to remember last night alone but it was overshadowed by dangerous dave who became a human sketchpad for, strangely enough, the two mikro cafe singers pictured at the top of the last post.and yes of course there are pictures.ill post one next.
now tho here is the moment i know everyone has been waiting for.
its a little disturbing and should not be shown to children or anyone of a nervous nature, and if thats you, then please read no further.
actually ive just realised that the pic is at the top of this post so too late.....i apologise if anyone is feeling faint, or sick,or even has died as a result, but yes ,that is her, the pig beasty peanut head woman...................liz.
i know, im sorry.
but at least now you can see that i wasnt exaggerating
even slightly.
not even a little bit
cant be bothered writing anything at the moment so as a consolation prize heres a picture of 2 of the mikro-cafe singers.
more later
its been a busy old week so far ,what with gargoyle baiting in remezzo and mikrocafe-aid in ,well the mikro cafe of which more later, when hopefully i will have found a picture to convey the true horror of what happened on tuesday.its a shame i cant upload video here because they,yes there's more than one, are truely scary.
very funny but equally scary.
so, back to the gargoyle baiting, which was just as much fun but without video footage to cringe over.
welsh jill,yes another bloody welsh lunatic,( do i sense a theme here),was screeching as only a middle aged leek munching harpy could, generally winding everyone up and causing an arguement a minute when mistakenly, some may say foolishly, she deciceded to start on me.
big, big mistake as she has to be up there with welsh liz the peanut headed pig woman in my affections.
it ended with her complaing that it wasnt fair that she was just supposed to sit there and not reply to the insinuation that not only was she a sad old trout, but a hideous gargoyle to boot.
well she is.
and she has got have the most repulsive pair of specs seen outside of the specialist gross horrible specs shop.
and she's welsh.
and a gargoyle.
so on to mikrocafe-aid.........mmmmmmmmmm now i have to admit before i write anything else that i took one of the starring roles in this one.er, even worse i think it the part of boy george that i took.but at least pete as bono took me out of the spotlight.
ermie as all of band-aid really stole the show tho,with her tuneful performance of the chorus .
feed the world she sang ,and sang, and sang, finally discovering, "and theres more". and there was,.
lots.
as i wrote above its a crime that video cant be uploaded here because there are 4 .all of which star the ungodly trio of scottish karen, ermie, and kate,(mainly ermie though) raising the roof with their sweet tunefull melodies.ok, yes, co-starring, ellie the opera singer,giddy gaynor,harry's nephew, harry, pete, and,well ive already admitted it, me.
do they know its christmas, i never ever want to hear that damn song again.
ever again
ever
apparently next week the mikro cafe singers will be performing "perfect day"
more news on that as and when.........
saw roy earlier, he really does look like a picasso,but you certainly wouldn't want him hanging on your wall. from a tree in a feild far far away possibly, but on your wall no.
and that can be today's picture
ok ive been understandbly neglecting this over the weekend but as a sizeable amount of the weekend was spent in naoussa i guess that its obviousl why.there just simply aren't as many fucking freaks over there.well to be honest there werent many people at all, but then the weird ones normally stand out even more.
in short a wonderful birthday weekend, the highlights of which were definately the surprise 3 course meal giorgos cooked me in levantis, and the sumersaulting wind up yoda from marina and jay.
but the new job in buena vista is turning out okay too, as despite playing like a one armed elephant with a broken trunk,they seemed to like me.hopefully a few more people will be there next week.
just had a call from phd. shes very happy.tony has some friends here, who got completely wasted this afternoon and collapsed in the street at various locations on the sea front,one eventually having to be carted off to hospital in the ambulance.
a death too, and it would have been the perfect sunday afternoon for her.
actually just remembered another birthday highlight,pete dueting eidelweiss with an american opera singer at two am in the mikro cafe. "dont laugh its my dads favourite song".
oh how could we not?
meanwhile over at the upmarket nightlife specialist joint known as the saloon d'or, harry was getting twatted by the idiot bald kamaki and tony's friends, yes them again, were threatening to trash the place.
i cant imagine why i prefer naoussa by night..................
just found todays spadam picture. enjoy.........
well my birthday has now been effectively ruined
shaun if you read this you fucker i cant even bring myself to repeat your insinuations about about me and captain pompous twaddle.well i guess i effectively already have.
speaking of repulsive beast people...yes thats right, its time for todays pig beastie story.
ugh ugh ugh, on the floor again, trying to plug her laptop into the mains, full view of her crusty knickers, not a picture im going to treasure.
still, it took beardy twat /captain pompous twaddle out of my mind.
think im going to have to drink some more now,
ive kind of just realised this blogging thing is just a good way of letting of steam,more than an actual attempt to record whats going on here.
well it serves both functions i guess, wankers annoy me and i slag them off to (potentially) the whole world.
just had to sit in pebbles cos dimwit has gone to athens, for 2 hrs to do nothing,nothing, nothing,
it reminded me of nye 2003 when i sat on my own from 8.30 until 1 am when hideous alien hybrid gone wrong, came in just i was leaving.
and i had to stay
tonight tina and simon and friend appeared just as the ,well overstayed their welcome, people left, and tina got stroppy cos i wasnt having any of it, and shut.
bollocks,fuck off!
anyway some peanuthead news
thrown out of remezzo for driving all the customers away.hee hee
whether it was because of her offensive twaddle, or equally, no sorry, more , much more , offensive stench, is open to question.
erm no,
it was both, and what comes out of that dripping sweaty,spittle lined orifice, is usually on a par with the smell that explodes from her every pore.
is there not a way of humanely extinguishing genetic experiments that escaped from the laboratory?
or maybe she was a test baddie for the new dr who series, that somehow got out of the studio.
i need to escape to athens more regularly.
obviously
arsenis,meanwhile, has dumped the american look and seems to be adopting a parisian street sweeper style.beret, shapeless tshirty thing top(worn for weeks of course) and, well, just a general lack of stars and stripes hand painted on his pants.
which when i think about it it, probably ran away with his shirt and started up a new family of diseases somewhere in the countryside.
must mention alanaki at some time in the coming weeks, hes another one that has half his brain removed.
and talks.
and never says anything
ever
ever
ever
ok time to find a picture of liz to accompany this post
so back from a weekend of mayhem in athens which was jolly good fun to normal monday morning full of nutters arguing about shite.which is actually quit good fun too.
christos the paws pillock is throwing all his toys out of the pram just outside the cafe as i type this .
in fact it sounds so good im going to go stand in the doorway and get some details.
whiny buddist woman souns like shes getting quite cross,im warming to her by the second.
ah its all about nothing as usual,just that mad fucker whinging on about how no-one is prepared to lay down their lives to help a bald one eyed kitten with 3 legs.
or something.
so the wedding............
great fun,weddings in england are occasions to be suffered through in silence ,followed by excruciating speeches ,tepid bland food, and various relatives dancing to the spice girls.
if youre lucky.
here though, they are great fun,from the ceremonial chucking of the rice at the happy couple right through to the moment you finally realise,that the sun has been up for hours now and you really should be getting home.
will try and put some pics up to illustrate my point later.
i really didnt want to leave athens last night, despite the stench of rotting rubbish everywhere as once again the binmen are on strike.
poor dora, the bride, as she bravely sidestepped the mounds of plastic bags on the way into church.
paws pillock is really picking up steam now outside saying animals are far more important than the people here.wonder if that includes liz the pig woman, or if she gets a special category, being midway between the two?
so how does it work ? if it was possible to patent the way that the volume of of group of drunk women far exceeds the sum of its parts i way would be on to a fortune.
even two of them seem to have the ability to transcend the laws of physics
marvellous.
as long as you're not in ear splitting distance of the group in question.
i experienced this doppler like effect tonight with paros's own hinge and bracket,(a pair of old crones on british tv in the 70's /80's), and had to leave sharpish, luckily with the excuse of going to the cinema to see the aviator
great film but what happened to the last ten miutes?
not yet got to athens, will be on that morning ferry tho and so will hopefully get to at the wedding etc without the stinking hangover that would have accompanied me if id been out in the big city with sophy tonight.
didnt get to see star wars on a big screen tho, and as the dialogue from the bits ive watched so far from the black man dvd is so bad it almost got my player to shut down in disgust at having to play such tripe,i really want to experience the special effects in their full glory.
maybe i should have an e and go before the wedding tomorrow afternoon.
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
so no more entries till monday then.
oh and new stupid man in remezzo today but im sure he'll crop up again at some point so that story can be told later
hurray off to athens for some naughty behavoir later,oh and a friends wedding.
and i made pig woman sit outside so no-one has to smell her.ah the joys of wireless!
anyway todays pic is for any yanky doodle dandies reading this.
so how the fuck did stupid fat americans get to rule the universe?
is it because they dosed us all with stupid drugs in the hamburgers, or were we naturally just that way.
its time to fight back.
all ridiculously fat people should be sent to macdonalds camp and force fed the shite they crave until they expode.
maybe you could even sell tickets to imminent explosions....
wow, i need to learn to spell.
its a toss up now for me to decide between the adam and the liz pics, got a few of both. but......
or one of a lardy butt exploding
nope google couldnt supply that.
fuck
ah well
so what has happened today..........
erm nothing.............
got some nice cheese, which is very nice but everyone i give it to spits it out so maybe i'll save it for liz and adam.
going to a wedding in athens saturday and going to have lots of silliness between now and then so i guess i'll be neglectling the blog until its all over .
wow, just realised i forgot about the american midget and big fat pig who TALKED and TALKED
but they really said nothing , or should i say NOTHING,
i did like the midget tho as she is of greek ancestory and thinks she she speaks greek
er, yes ok like i spoke greek after being in the country a week,
hello , which she did often, and scared away many many customers in the process,would you walk into a abr where a 180 kg midget screams "kalimera" at you in the entrance way?
ah now i have inspiration for todays pic
adam.
so tonight i thought the entry was going to be about me walking down the street sqeaking cos these trainers make my feet all sweaty,and thereby attracting attention to the fact that my arse is hanging out of my jeans cos they split whilst at work earlier today. but maybe not
fuck i had loads of things to write about but that la st glass of wine has blanked them all out
ah yes
adam
i mentioned him in an earlier post, but as yet not found a picture of gollum to really give you the full idea, or rather not bothered looking......so far
anyway, annoying skinny little bloke who tells the best lies on the island, if not greece.
mainly cos within 5 minutes he has usually managed to trip himself up and expose the lie.
last weeks best one was that he is now a partner in a rival internet cafe.
which means.............
he does his printing there cos its cheaper
this is the guy who advertises himself as the RESIDENT of a place (oh a forgot to add , DJ,) where he only gets paid if there are more than 10 customers. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
and he looks like gollum with a bleach job.
on a positive note , which is rare admittedly,lovely gail brought me not only stilton and real bacon, but also a dj magazine so i will have lots of lovely new music to play around with
back to normal now.
christof the animal rights tosser who (alledgedly), pockets all the money donated to the animal welfare society here, managed to clear out yet another bar with his fundamentalist shitey twat speak. this one deserves going into in more detail at a later date
when i can be aresd basically, but the cunt needs to be sent back to switzerland not the poor fucking mongrels that happily roam the streets here.
at least they dont extort money from unsuspecting tourists for slightly less than certain end results.
and he has a ginger beard!
and finally im going to find a picture of liz which will appear at the top of this page.
this one is disiturbing though. i apologise after the fact
sorry
no pig pictures today cos they are all stored on a different computer,but plenty of fucking stupid people news
the troglodtyte was in good form tonight,at least while i was still sitting inside
i have afeeling things are going to go downhill relative to the amount of alcohol that pops down his throat.so an hour fom now...........
saw reihnhart today,sorry to introduce another new character so soon,but this guy is really one of the original scary people,an extra from the texas chain saw massacre, or maybe he could be who bob from twin peaks, having a summer vacation.
anyaway, he grasped my hand today and very limply shook it.
yeuk,it was like shaking hands with the devil from south park the movie................or not, but it was just the overwhelming feeling of wrongness that makes me question whether i haave unwittingly entered in some devilish bargain, that will ultmately result in going over to the dark side.
i reckon captain pompous twaddle paid him to do it.
and that my hands have been covered with not very effective pschotropic drugs that are intended to supress the abuse that normally spills from my mouth.
usually deservedly so, especially in the case of reinhart and the pig beast woman who should be slaughtered,
oh god someone kill it.
please
spare us all from pig peanut headed freaks
shes sitting in the cafe again ,that unmistakeable odour wafting over towards me almost as unpleastly as the noise that keeps falling unbidden from her rubbery, moustache topped lips.
anyway heres another picture of her.
repulsive dwarf like idiot cant even get the wireless connection to work,and im certainlynot going over there and riskingasphixiation (or worse) to see what the ugly twat is doing wrong.
had to provide a link to this site.its kept me amused for at least an hour now
enjoy!!!!
.finally. we get close
now ive got to try and find a pic of adam, a character in this story, hitherto unmentioned, but i think ill try and find one that does him justice before his stories are told.
sorry about the blur over liz's face at the top of this page but children may be watching
ok this unfair to small big eared green people too , but it is alittle closer to the true likeness of the pig woman
still, havent seen her for a couple of days.
got sat next to the one woman hen party last night,along with bog eyed barbara and the tango twit,so named cos , well , she's orange, enough said.
the other 2 are semi self explanitory.
my what fun.
and captain pompous twaddle came along just to really pep up the proceedings.
the one woman hen party has also been compared to a nodding dog toy,(but slightly more annoying as nodding dog toys dont sigh and say hmmmmmmmm every 10 seconds), in the last few days by someone who shall for the moment remain nameless,well for the next week or so until she is safely back in scotland.
pesently trying to decide but i think nodding dog is winning in terms of what to call this one.
thank fuck i didnt get stuck with her as a neighbour.
still, tango twit was entertaining with her witless meanderings about nothing.at least to me as i knew i could escape at any time.
and i think she bought me a drink to make up the tango tantrum in alga the other week.
which is a whole other story
as promised heres the picture of liz peanut head ,who was yesterday to be found lying on her back, in the cafe, trying to to work out how to plug the pwer lead for her computer into the mains,mmmm taxing problem i know.
sample exchange in the ensuing conversation.......................
" snort, grunt,harumph,ill just ,grunt harumph,burp, unplug this one, thats okay i think"
no you won't, you stupid woman, thats the lead to the main computer."
"oh, harumph, burp snort"
all that while being able to see up here cavernous bogie filled nostrils. yeuuuuuuk
hey it rained today
absolutely pissed it down to be exact
which was nice as it was the 1st rain since early march,and i got to stay in bed till very late without feeling remotely guilty about being such a lazy twat.
tonight is as dull as a conversation with phd,nothing happing at all, although the news of the day has to be that arsenis has finally changed his shirt after a record breaking 3 weeks and 2 days.
its possible that it had evolved to a level of conciousness whereby it realised how unwise it was to hang around, and ran away all by itself.
ah pebbles again in the afternoon and no doubt tantrums at sunset when the salt pot is 2 inches out of place.
and finally ive got to head to naoussa to talk about the music for buena vista. this may be just the excuse to extricate myself from the situation as im still very wary about driving all the way there and back every night in the summer.
will drink some more wine now and then get back to the interesting stuff later,(there is of course a peanut woman update coming,its just that i dont feel sufficently vitriolic yet)
well ,finally done the 1st swim but it was more a kind of ,make a big splash, flail around a bit while attempting to get my breath and then run very quickly towards the shore and shiver for a while, than a swim.
on a different note, even if it is becoming a little bit boring, heres a peanut head woman update.
she sat next to me today in the cafe,and whilst the hangover didnt help,her, how should i put this delicately, er, body odour,had me run to the toilet.luckily once away from the stench of decomposing fish mixed with maggot ridden dead dog i managed to control the retching reflex and managed to walk past her out into the fresh air where the rotten pong was at least a little subdued.
jesus, if that woman has even been in spitting distance of a bar of soap in the last month i'd be just a little surprised.
and that was what is known as a slight understatement.
as was that.
still its been a fun packed weekend with sophy coming down from athens and the resulting naughtiness that inevitablly followed.
so several hangovers later at last i can go and attempt round 23432 of the work permit saga in the morning.
now i think we are nudging 18 months since i actually started to apply for the damn thing. so maybe by the time my real criminal record catches up with the one issued in 2082 not only will i have had the chance to commit some really heinous deeds, but i may actually have the piece of paper that says im legally entitled to have the high powered,terribly important job in a bar or taverna that ive been craving all my life.
ah greece..................
going to take a picture of peanut head woman (henceforth to be known as the pig) next time and post it so anyone not currently here will get to experience the full horror, (minus the smell) of the incredible pig beast
until next time then boys and girls
..............
lots of news today but unfortunately most of it still ultra secret so it will have to wait a few days
saw the ugly deformed sow woman today in the middle of emptying remezzo, wittering on about, well to be honest who cares.....stuff and nonsense.
she did seem a mite upset that i walked past her without saying hello,well,i did make a kind of cross between a grunt and a snort when she tried to talk to me but i think it was the look of utter disgust that really dissuaded her/it from further attempts at communication.
had a day off from pebbles today so that guarrenteed an overcast afternoon and so the 1st swim has once agin been postponed
did manage to get a cheque paid into the bank tho.on the 3rd attempt.obviously today was "lets not be such fucking cunts as usual day" but now the annual attempt to placate people pissed off with the standard,ie ,shite, level of service is over ,it's back to normal from now on.
had some great americans to laugh at yesterday afternoon.not only were of the slack jawed,shell suit wearing,how the fuck do they get out of the trailer park, let alone abroad variety, but they were so mean they chose greek coffee cos it was "god dammed hell the cheapest thing on the menu"
mmm not exactly like "yerknow good americaaan cffeeee" is it?
how i smirked as the woman with hair like a washed out pan scrub spat it down her pastel pink suit.she even had to take her sun visor off to look for the full damage... to her two dollar top.
saw the talking walking noise machine earlier,ive decided that she must the scout for an imminent invasion of the planet by a race that have forgone violence in favour of boring the human race into submission, the bitter pill of total submission sweetened only by several unusual but admittedly delicious flavours of ice cream.
wow i just found a leaflet [pinned to the board outside the cafe, that kind of backs up the earlier mentioned theory about this island being full of nutjobs [no disagreement there], apparently according to, well, someone who wanted to remain anonymous, yoga is an evil lie perpetuated by follows of misguided eastern religions hostile to the one true god
obviously they're referring to yoda then.
but i dont think he'd mind yoga too much.
as it's obviously just a slight mis-spelling of HIS name.
no peanut woman as yet but i guess the day is still young.
beautiful outside today with nothing really to report so far. woke up feeling refreshed today for a change, maybe it was the 2 hours of coronation street i dozed off to let put me in enough of a stupor to sleep through the builders digging my new shitpit in the garden.
looking forward to a day on the beach tomorrow but not so keen on djing at the weekend cos if fat boss wants me to play rock then i guess hes got the wrong guy. well we will see.
shes here,the woman with the deformed peanut head
sitting in the corner peering myopiclly at her laptop and giving a running commentary about, well, nothing at all really,words seem to just keep spilling out of her mouth and hanging around like toxic fumes. ugly old sow.
oh god its happened, she is back.
id actually forgotten about this one but liz the welsh midget farmers wife from hell is back
nutters galore i know but liz is in a special sub category all of her own
4ft tall and wide, a face like an oversized peanut that a child has been scrawling on, and a personality that french and saunders fat farmers wives could have been based upon." stuff and nonsense" ."just chopped my bloody finger off,damn, ah well, got another 3"
and she has a rat/dog
that pisses everywhere
and is as ugly as she is.
well nearly.
on the same note,arsenis the local freak described in part 1, the bit that disappeared, has slowly been getting madder and madder.he is now convinced that he is being controlled by satellite,which due to current cloud cover could explain a lot.he's been calling nasa but there's always a mad person on the other end of the line that doesnt know what hes talking about.hohum
still at least he's stopped bothering me by sitting in pebbles/micro cafe/remezzo/etc and staring, staring, staring.
i spoke to captain pompous twaddle today which it seems is part of the 20 day cycle of twaddle,pompous shite,abuse, and then lets try and build bridges again.today seemed to fit into the latter category so twaddle gobble gobble should be the on schedule in a few days.
on a more positive note ,it was lovely and sunny today and im having agreat time sniggering at 2 bubble perms.
enough!
part two.
part one disappeared off into the depths of cyberspace somewhere.which is probably a good thing as the vast amounts of abuse contained within it could have got me in some serious trouble.
not that this is going to be a swarmy sucky uppy, lets be nice to everyone, and arent the flowers and trees lovely, kind of thing.far from it. but perhaps part one was just that little bit too nasty.
ah bugger that. it was fun, and its not like this thing is ever going to get written if there arent at least a few pissed diatribes about the tossers that piss me off here in paradise.
so ,to start, maybe i should descibe some of the main characters to feature in what follows.
no ,bollocks to that, youll learn as time goes on who the cast of weirdos are.
today its quiet, the island is dead again after the brief illusion of summer that easter provided,im at work dealing with pig ugly french people with broken volume controls.are they made that way? is it nature or nurture that demands that on all occasions they have to talk as loud as possible while simultaniously scowling and wearing clothes almost as loud as their voices?
either way, not a pleasant race.
interesting that here, they are the most disliked nationality, beating even the british.
see not a good idea to start this blog unfuelled by excessive alcohol. ive already self censored myself twice whereas if i were in full on rant mode there would be at least 10 people after my head by now. ah well.
thats it as an introductory session, im off for some gin
